You are 13% Jehovah's Witness!
I'm offended.
I can't be that high surely?
Sure, I have a 4 door car, but it is older than I am and its paint is falling off. Surely that could have lost me some points?
How much of a Witness are you? Take the quiz!
by AlmostAtheist 64 Replies latest jw friends
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ezekiel3
Should you worship God at the Kingdom Hall with Jehovah's Witnesses?
Ezekiel3 is 23% Jehovah's Witness!
You have some serious changes to make before you can be baptized as a Jehovah's Witness. Your attitude will likely get you labeled as a rebel. Parents will not encourage their children to hang around you or your children, unless there is reason to believe they can help you become a better Jehovah's Witness. It is unlikely that you will ever really fit in at the Kingdom Hall. Perhaps I should append...
-- Your answers and some commentary follow --How do you view the Bible? 50% inspired by God You're going to have to work on your faith. The Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the Bible is fully-inspired of God. They believe that "the" Bible is the collection of 66 books found in the King James version. If you can't accept Noah's Ark, people conversing with donkeys, and people being executed for lying about real estate transactions, then JW's probably aren't for you. If there is one thing I believe about the Bible, it's that God has one hell of sense of humor for letting this thing be published. Only one thing is more funny: hearing "intelligent" comments about how marvelous Samson was for hauling a city gate up a mountain side. What is the most important quality you look for in a church leader? Honesty, Integrity You might not fit in so well at a Kingdom Hall. Jehovah's Witnesses choose their leaders based first on quantities of service, then qualities listed in the Bible. Honest men of integrity that don't spend enough time in the door-to-door preaching work, or don't show up for all of the five weekly meetings will not become leaders among Jehovah's Witnesses. Too bad I'm not that ambitious. If you are looking for lonely women, check out the elders' wives loitering about during a last-minute elder meeting. Don't worry, most elders skip by just reading the manuscript talks, and take a pass on shepherding calls so they can let the weak fully mature into raving apostates. How often do you feel like attending church? Once a week I'm afraid you'd have to increase your appetite for church attendance. Jehovah's Witnesses have five mandatory meetings a week, usually combined into three days. If you regularly miss any of them, you would be viewed as "weak". You wouldn't have many friends, since none of them would want you to drag them down. Attending only on Sundays would definitely get you labelled as an outsider. Why not multi-task while enduring the endless gruel of the meetings? Use the time to balance your checkbook, organize your schedule, or complete your tax forms. Savvy JWs use PDA's to take notes (yeah right!) and there's nothing like the spiritual unity of text-messaging fellow JWs in other congregations. How much of your time do you spend in recreational/family activities? 10% From Jehovah's Witnesses' standpoint, that's quite a bit of time to spend on non-spiritual activities. Are you attending all five weekly meetings, studying for them ahead of time, and meditating carefully on them afterward? Are you going in the door-to-door preaching work as much as possible? Are you keeping up with your reading of new Watchtower publications? It's hard to believe you're taking care of these "more important things", and still able to devote so much time to secular pursuits. To save time, log on to Blondie's WT "Comments" and learn to count time for preaching creatively. Go on vacation to visit your non-JW family and count the whole weekend! You can even skip the meeting that way. What kind of vehicle do you drive? 2-door car Nothing tells Jehovah's Witnesses that you're a worldly, selfish person like driving a 2-door car. Unless you can comfortably pack five people in it and go out in the door-to-door preaching work, Jehovah's Witnesses will not consider it a good vehicle choice. Unless it's your second car, in which case it's ok as long as it isn't too expensive and therefore materialistic. Unless you don't have the ready cash to fund all-day expeditions to call on not-at-homes. Don't drive a taxi, that's for pioneers. (What, is that your 6th "Armegeddon car"?) How do you feel about people controlling who your friends are? It's none of their business Among Jehovah's Witnesses there is very little that is 'none of their business'. This would be considered an attitude problem that you would need to work out of yourself as you 'put on the new personality'. Before you could be accepted among Jehovah's Witnesses, you would need to be willing to let them control who you associate with, what movies you see, what books you read, and even what sorts of intimacy you enjoy with your spouse. Are you kidding? There is nothing like a little restriction to spice up an otherwise boring life. JWs are masters of the "double-life." Once we had to stand in line for R-rated movies hoping no one would catch us. Now we have Net-Flix, internet porn, and elders' daughters have never been more willing. It's too easy! How important are your family members to you? (Mother, brothers, cousins) Very important This could be a problem. If your family members are not Jehovah's Witnesses, you will be discouraged from spending much time with them. If you do spend time with them, you'll be expected to preach to them about your new faith as much as possible. If they are currently Jehovah's Witnesses, then you may be in for trouble if you ever decide the Kingdom Hall is not for you. If you join, then leave, they will not be allowed to speak to you ever again. Damn it, I got baptized! To bad I was too young to have an erection at the time, I would have made a different choice. Be smart young JWs, pass on the pool and enjoy the pornea, pot and your parents too! How important is it to you to have the respect of your community? Very important, I work on my reputation Your reputation will likely take a hit if you become one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Charity giving and volunteer community work is discouraged, as it impinges on time spent in the door-to-door ministry and money that could be donated to the Watchtower. While they encourage good morals, you probably have those already. So you will appear to become more reclusive, less approachable, and your constant preaching about Jehovah's Kingdom will cause people to avoid you. The Kingdom Hall may not be the place for you. Thankfully no one checks if you contribute or not. Take the literature for free and puiblish quotes on the web to make JWs the most laughable cult known. You view holidays as opportunities to: Reunite with old friends and family Jehovah's Witnesses view all holidays as inherently bad. There are different objections to different holidays, but in the end they are all considered inappropriate. Since Jehovah's Witnesses will discourage you from spending time with your relatives anyway, they will certainly not accept you spending holidays with them. If this is truly important to you, then the Kingdom Hall is not going to work. You might try having informal turkey-eating gatherings on Thanksgiving anyway or accepting coincidentally mailed "special day" cards from unbelieving relatives. If all your friends stopped talking to you because you changed churches, you would think: "What is wrong with them? I can believe anything I want." Jehovah's Witnesses join for life. If they ever decide to quit being Jehovah's Witnesses, all their friends that formerly called them "brother" or "sister" will instead refuse to speak to them at all, not even a civil greeting. If you prefer to reserve the right to yourself to choose your own beliefs without fear of being shunned by your friends, you should not become one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Instead, shut your mouth at meetings and post like mad on apostate web sites.
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Crumpet
27% - which is about right I guess. Thanks Dave - this was fun.
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barry
Im 20% witness but ive never been one Ive mostly been a SDA. Barry
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El blanko
43%
Hey - I don't drive! Another option is needed.
What about a section on facial hair and grooming?
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chrissee
I'm at 27%!
How important are your family members to you? (Mother, brothers, cousins) I see them occasionally This is good, since if your family members are not Jehovah's Witnesses, you will be discouraged from spending much time with them. If you do spend time with them, you'll be expected to preach to them about your new faith as much as possible. Chances are good after a few of these preaching visits, your family will want to spend even less time with you than you do with them.
Actually, the family members that I only see on occasion are JW's, my folks, whom if they find out I am visiting this site would probably report me to the elders and if I'd be dissfellowshipped, would not speak to me again.
Oh well.
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Beachbender
I`m 23% !! I think what got me is I cared that my lawn was mowed!!!
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prophesariah
I'm 27% JW. Imagine that ,considering I've never been one nor have I ever wanted to be one.
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undercover
13%
Higher than I would have thought. How can I improve and become 0%?
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lonelysheep
23% witness