Funny Secrets!

by whyamihere 32 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  upside/down

  My Dub bride had the lovely practice of witholding the "marital due" for sometimes months, to "teach" me a lesson- that lesson being don't ever tell her no, especially if she wants to go shopping and the checkbook register says "0". what an insensitive ass of a husband I am.

  Anyway, while "rendering the marital due" to myself late one night she caught me... and demanded to know what the hell I was "doing". I felt like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. I lied and said I had jock itch and it was flaring up real bad. I felt like a 10 year old kid. That F'n b*tch, really f*cked my head up. Of course, it was reported to the elders and I was furhter humiliated and told that if I would just be a "better and more loving" husband, than "I'd get some marital due". I never worked so hard just to get laid.

  Never Again

  u/d
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  Qcmbr

  As a kid one cold and frosty morning I thought up a really good plan to get warm. I stood in front of our gas fire and pulled my pyjamies down. My butt was getting really nice and toasty when I bent over too far and pressed my bare cheeks against the very hot metal grill. When the doctor expressed surprise at my burger king bum I was too embarrassed to tell him how I did it. To this day my family and that doctor were either very kind to me or must believe I had teflon jammies. I couldn't sit down for weeks.
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  Qcmbr

  Oh 'nuther one. In the top of our old church ( a converted house) there were some massive leather sofas. In a fit of youthful exhuberance and animal savagery I spent an hour ripping them to shreds with a kitchen knife after one particularly boring servce. The next week it was mentioned from the pulpit that some vandal had destroyed some furniture that had been earmarked for a local needy family. No one ever suspected the innocent eight year old. I threw the knife away.
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  truth_about_the_truth

  Years ago when I was in grammar school I came home from school needing to take a MASSIVE DUMP to find out i was locked out. I didnt have a key. I was on the verge of exploding. I could feel Mr. Brownie stick his head out. I couldn't take it anymore so I ended up taking a dump on the back porch.

  My parents arrived a bit later and discovered the huge piece of fresh turd on the porch as I was waiting there. I told them a stray dog came by and was taking a dump there. I had to chase him off. My dad ended up cleaning up the crap!
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  jwbot

  Oh man, there are funny ones here.
  
  First off, a couple of times, during my "horny years" I could not wait to get home...so I did a little um..."self pleasure" in the KH bathroom. Oh my I can not believe I just admitted that.
  
  I stole some makeup from Ames Department stores and even got caught by security but I denied it TO THIS DAY to my parents. They even bought a lawyer and I I went to trial and had the charges dropped.
  
  I have had nude pictures of myself taken from my computer...I know that at about two years ago they were floating around the internet but I have not seen them since. (please do not go looking, but if you do, do not post them and just PM me and tell me where they are!)
  
  WHO'S BAD? *dances*
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  Dustin

  O.K. here goes mine. It was like 20 degres below zero, and this kid from work I hated went to another store to work and wasn't back yet. Me and another guy pissed on his windshield and then waited across the street for when he got back. We watched him scrape the frozen piss off his windshield. Never told him.

  Dustin
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  truth_about_the_truth

  I have had nude pictures of myself taken from my computer...I know that at about two years ago they were floating around the internet but I have not seen them since. (please do not go looking, but if you do, do not post them and just PM me and tell me where they are!)

  What's the keyword we need to google?
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  Dustin

  Truth about the Truth, I actually started to cry I was laughing so hard when I read your story about the dump on the porch. Funny shit.....Literally.

  Dustin
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  jwbot

  Oh I am so embarrassed! hah. I can not tell. *blushes*
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  whyamihere

  Alright here is a bad one!

  Dustin thanks to you it reminded me I am BAD!

  Ok My Sister was going through a divorce from her abusive husband. I was sent to IL you pack up her things along with my brothers. Well I was about done moving furniture out and boxes. I got more mad by the minute because I was missing a Whole Sat from my Husband my Daughter and my brand new baby! Well I took his favorite baseball hat that was signed by some players put it in the Toilet(lady like) and peed all over it. I then placed it back up on the wall!

  Oh I can't believe I said that!

  Brooke