(((glenwoodswoman))) and (((whyamihere)))
When I first moved out of my parents house, I began to get only glimpses of understanding them. I was very angry with them and I hated all humans, yet in the same breath loved them deeply. Within the past few years I have really grown to understand them more and more. I found out through observing them with an adults eyes, instead of a childs eyes, that they both have different forms of mental illness. I'm not sure what the name of their illness is but my mother has had frequent nervous breakdowns and I believe has an obsessive compulsive disorder with cleaning. As a child I remember her saying that she could see demons in the house (schizophrenia?) and when she would scream at them in the basement my dad would sit on the couch and laugh histerically. He has anger issues and I believe the sole reason he became a jw was because he was suppressing homosexual urges that he had guilt over.
They had 4 girls and the 3rd born was me. My oldest sister is schizophrenic and is recieving a check every month for her disability she is a drug addict and former prostitute. The next oldest is a nurse who tries to reach perfection in all aspects of life but is frustrated by not quite achieving it. I am an artist, writer, decorator, (none of which professionally) and a loving stay-at-home mother who occasionally battles with depression. My younger sister has alot of anger about her life not turning out the way she expected by being forced to marry at 16 years old.
My parents said they were just following the bibles teachings of discipling children and they would "prove" it to me with bible scriptures.
(((whyamihere))) Good for you, standing up like that for another human being. That may be exactly why you are here. I remember not being able to come in the house all day either (I hope you're doing well now) and I feel like that was my only saving grace towards having a normal childhood. I was lucky enough to have a park nearby that I would spend all day at eating mulberry's from the trees and playing till exhaustion. The park staff would always have activities for us kids to do and they were always so kind (for worldly people- ha ha). Those are the good times I try to remember.
For me and my children to be happy and safe, I have had to stop talking to some of my family members. My mother has not seen me in 7 years because I will "not come back to Jehovah." I think it's sad that this religion preys on the mentally ill and poor by promising them a much better life. (sounds like a piramid scheme)
But I am now happy with this arrangement. I have given up trying to have a normal family with them and realize that it will never happen. However, the family I am building now is very loving. We hug and kiss each other all the time and me and my husband have broken that chain of abuse. Because mental illness is so prevalent, I am always on the look out for any signs in my behavior or my children's. Hopefully this is stopped once and for all.
Best wishes to you guys and thanks for writing, Love
