Not sure if I made a wrong move

by redskymedic 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  redskymedic writes:

  I told her my family comes as a unit and I am no longer going to condone her and the family's shunning practices. I do not want my son to grow up thinking that treating ANY family member like dirt is acceptable. I am not going to have him sit at a 'family' dinner without the rest of his immediate family. Well, she was just speechless at first.

  You know what? You haven't done anything wrong. You have every right to put your foot down where your child is concerned, and where your immediate family is concerned. You drew a line in the sand and she didn't like it. Well, tough! I am taking the same position with my own parents - if they want to exclude one member of my family, it means they exclude all of us. We're a package deal.

  Then she took the stance that I must be trying to turn her grandson against her, hung up on me, and continues to refuse my calls. Regardless of my personal feelings toward her and the JW's, I have no intention of turning my son against her.

  Oh that's RICH. You trying to turn YOUR son against his grandmother. Who is shunning whom here?? Who started this crap?? Who made the choice to exclude certain family members?? It was HER, not you. The way she puts it is as though she has some claim of ownership on your son. She doesn't, and she better figure that out fast. If emotional blackmail was a degree program, most JWs would hold PhDs in it. This is from a woman, if she was given the opportunity, would turn YOUR son against YOU in a heartbeat. Do not let your guard down for a minute.

  I hate to tell you this, but you need to stop calling your mom, because you're giving power and credibility to her behaviour, and you need to take your power as a parent back, because she's clearly feeling entitled to take liberties with your position as a mom and with your son that you may not even be aware of.

  Love, Scully
• 

  HadEnuf

  I agree with all the above statements. You did the right thing redsky. Sometimes it's hard to take a stand like that but at least, as they say, you can respect yourself in the morning. By going along with your mom's "controlling" behavior...you're just enabling her in her JW mentality of being superior and the whole shunning business is condoned. Jeeeshhh...that probably doesn't even make sense, but what I'm trying to say is:

  You did good!

  Cathy L.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  Great job! You drew the line. You said, 'I will not be treated like this any more.' You did great! I think you should be really proud.

  It probably feels a bit like maybe you did something wrong just because your mom and the JWs have trained you your whole life to put up with crap like this.

  But it isn't wrong to stand up for yourself. You are supposed to stand up for yourself! The more you do it, the better you will feel...and the guilt will go away as you realize there is no reason to feel guilty at all. You are just taking care of yourself.

  Congrats,

  Lisabobeesa
• 

  Jez

  What is in the best interests of your son? Only you know the answer to that question.

  Jez
• 

  Carmel

  Isn't it interesting how they are so used to everyone in the family accepting their terms but go into a reflex response of twisting reality when challenged? Good for you for standing up to the crud.

  carmel
• 

  Aude_Sapere

  My sister-in-law made a stand similar to this.

  She was never a witness. My brother faded decades ago. Since the congregation didn't DF him, mom decided to dis-own him. Couple years later my mom started getting chummier with 'K' and of course oogled over the grandkids but was just never able to be around my brother.

  Eventually 'K' decided enough was enough. If mom couldn't accept her own son, she sure wasn't entitled to the grandkids and herself.

  Mother was taken aback and eventually (years later) decided (after talking to elders) that she could have relationship with them. About 6 months later she moved in.

  Be careful what you ask for!

  -Aude.
• 

  dh

  good for you girl! you did the right thing in every way possible!
• 

  MonkeyPrincess

  Yes, you did indeed do the right thing. Good for you for
  putting your foot down. Maybe this will get her to re-think
  her ways. Even if it doesnt, she is learning that she
  cannot treat you this way anymore. Stick with it, you
  are the one who is in the right.
  I am in a very similer situation, its hard, but you need
  to do what is right for you and your children.
  
  Monkeyprincess
• 

  avishai

  If she truly backs away, my son will be devastated.

  She already has. Years ago by shunning his mother and his family. Duh. Sorry, (((((redsky)))))

  But, this is my opinion on the matter
• 

  Been there

  You totally did the right thing for your family. You should have no doubt about that.

  Did your Mom have any idea this was building up or was she blind sided?

  I wouldn't try to call her anymore. Let her reflect on her own poor behavior and see if she can see where she can change her situation. If she can't come up with a solution then SHE will be shunning your son also, that will be her doing not yours. I'm thinking she may be feeling alittle trapped in her own web right now.

  You could maybe send a card telling her how much you love her and respect their relationship and do not want to deprive either one of them but................Your family comes first.