Not sure if I made a wrong move (page 3)

kwintestal

((((red)))) I'm sorry you're going through this, but good for you for standing up for yourself.

It's interesting how your mother turned not allowing you son to go to a family dinner, a dinner which you are not invited to, into turning your son against her. From what I got from what you wrote, you didn't say your mother can't see him or spend time with him, just that he can't have a dinner with the rest of the family that shuns you. How did she come to that conclusion?

I hope things work out between you and your mom.

Kwin

breeze

TRY shunning her for about five years. She will see how it feels and she will give in? If not, the feelings you have will be easier for her to understand?

Just "stop" calling her and when she starts calling don't return her calls......don't...

Your son will miss her but it will be short lived for him at that age. You risk your son's mental health by putting him between you and the warped ....DUBS!

Good luck, I know being disfellowshipped is very dificult. If you have been DF'ed for 10 years you are through the worst of it!!! You have probably rebuilt your friends and moved on, family is tough though....

BREEZE

redskymedic

Wow, thanks so much for all of the insight/advice. I needed a reality check and I certainly got it by coming back here. As of yet, I still haven't heard a peep from my mother and I've decided the ball is in her court. I'm going to let her make the next move, whatever that may be. Oh, and it was my husband that made me see how wrong the whole situation is. He's good at giving me wake-up calls about not letting her railroad me with her JW ways.

Scully~ you hit the nail on the head with everything you said. I am guessing you have some experience in this department.

Did your Mom have any idea this was building up or was she blind sided?

She was definitely blindsided. Sadly, it's taken me this long to grow a backbone, lol.

From what I got from what you wrote, you didn't say your mother can't see him or spend time with him, just that he can't have a dinner with the rest of the family that shuns you. How did she come to that conclusion?

No, I never said anything about their relationship together. I made it quite clear I would never do anything to interfere with that. I am thinking it's just a guilt tactic. My mother is notorious for this twisted kind of reasoning.

It will be interesting to see what happens. My feeling is that she'll call in a week or so and pretend it all never happened. Regardless, I am not going to back down and quite frankly, she should consider herself lucky that I'm not drawing the line with her spending time with him altogether.

Thanks again for the support!

Red

JustTickledPink

The worst part of the JW religion is that they SEPERATE families. I told my mom that my family (my new husband and myself) are a family unit, take us ALL OR NOTHING into your life. If and when we have children if she can't speak to me still and treat me like family she will have no access to my children.

It's your family. I think maybe you need to invite her over to your house for a FAMILY dinner. EVeryone sits around together in your home and eats like a family. You can set up some rules too, you don't have to accept all their stupid rules. I think standing up for yourself is a great thing!

diamondblue1974

A perfectly reasonable move in my opinion; good for you, keep strong

rick1199

I think you made the right move, but you need to make sure your Son understands, otherwise he may not understand your reasoning.

Es

Hi red i feel your pain.... I faded out a couple of years ago...I also have a son. I am getting married (2nd time round) to a non believer at the end of the year, before I stopped talking to dad which only happend a few months ago he was kinda doin the same thing he would buy things for us that would benefit all of us my partner included but according to him it wsa only bought for my son and I. He would invite my son and I but not my partner......Ive been thinkin bout it and I will take the same stance as you, if you cant accept me for who I am and who I am with then dont accept any of us at all.

Sunspot

I am proud of you for taking a stand as you did! I think you did just fine. Our relatives that shun us always seem to think that *we* have drawn these lines---but they never seem to feel that they are the ones who started the ball rolling.

The audacity of these people is appalling, isn't it? They think they can pick and choose which family members they can invite into their homes (as with your son) without any repercussions at all. We're just supposed to sit here and take it, and I for one am tired of their sicko games and their bowing to the Org.

My oldest daughter who got married (to an elder) and never told me or my husband about it, was notified when I was critically ill with a devastating stroke and a heart attack and she never replied or phoned my other kids back about it.

Three and a half months later she decides to fly up here and "announce" that she will be coming by. My hubby told her not to bother, that since she never bothered to call here to even inquire as to how I was doing, that WE can't be bothered having her visit.

I can only imagine the reaction of all our (former) friends, she has a way of always coming up smelling like a rose, but I don't care. Those people by their own choice-are not in my life anymore, anyway!

Now that you have set down some limits, stick with them. Don't be persuaded to change your mind. THEY have some soul-searching to do.

hugs,

Annie

Not sure if I made a wrong move

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