So How Does Your "Never Been A J Dub" Partner Cope With All Of This?

by Englishman 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  Mine does very well!

  She's astonished at the DF'ing thing more than anything else. She reckons it's all about control and power. She loathes the submissive wifely thing, she reckons she's plenty female anough without some dope from NYC telling her how to be all sweet and simpery.

  Ex dub wise, she loves the people that we've been able to meet over the years. She thinks that the board is great. Even when I splutteringly read her Simon's awful political posts she just says "Hmmm..interesting..nice couple though.."

  I actually believe that it's much easier for someone to leave when the other partner has never been a J Dub than when people have been in as a couple.

  On the other hand, some "Never beens" might find it hell living with an J Dub.

  Englishman.
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  Crumpet

  Not very well. Many of our arguments over the years have been religiously focussed and its one subject upon which we've mainly had to avoid discussing or practically come to blows. I thought this would become eaasier following my visits to the board and my gradual acceptance that I was brainwashed which is what he has said all along. However I think he just expects me to have this epiphany and move on and not talk about it anymore, but it doesn't work that way, at least not for me. Part of my recovery is dependent on this board and associating with people who have shared my experiences, traumas, grief, pain, loss and crackpot upbringing.

  I want to talk about it with him but he visibly stifffens if I do bring up anything from this board as if I'm stating something glaringly obvious and that I'm stupid for not having realised it sooner.

  In some ways I think he preferred me before when he was the only one I could go to for support and I didnt have the Board. I could be wrong, but I can't think of any other reason for his resentment of my time spent on here as I only use it when he is out of the house and I am lonely or at work.
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  Englishman

  Crumpet, you'd better bring him to the barbie!

  Maybe we can move him from "Opposed" to "Goodwill".

  Englishman.
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  diamondblue1974

  My experience has been similar to Crumpets actually although we dont argue about it at all; in fact we dont argue...(I do as I am told NOT) but she does actually wonder why I didnt see the WTS for what it was earlier.

  This has to be common with people who have never experienced what we have; what needs to be explained is that breaking away from something that had so much control over your life is extremely difficult and that whilst you are inside of it, it is hard to see the wood for the trees as such.

  I am blessed with a partner who tries to understand and will always take the time to listen without judgement or prejudice...wouldnt be with her if she was any different.

  G
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  jgnat

  It sure ain't no tea party, I'll tell you that. I grossly underestimated the power of WT manipulation. Along with your wife, I have a big problem with the way they treat women. I am virtually ignored. One thing my honey and I have in common is that neither of us shrink from controversy. For instance, just yesterday my JW hubby asked if I would like to come to the meeting, the public talk was about "The Demise of False Religion, Babylon the Great." Without batting an eye, I replied, "Well then, the Watchtower Society is in trouble, since they haven't taken care of that pedophile problem yet." He laughed hilariously. "I just made that up. I have no idea what they are talking about today. You always are ready with an answer, aren't you?"

  Is it just me, or do you think he is secretly proud he has a wife with a brain?
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  diamondblue1974

  Is it just me, or do you think he is secretly proud he has a wife with a brain?

  I think he probably is proud that he has a wife with a brain, any real bloke should be...although I would lay a bet on the fact that this isnt admitted when hes at the Kingdom Hall where he's being taught that his wife should be subservient...I wish you luck in rescuing him.
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  Ticker

  In my case both me and my wife were involved and I was the one to break away first. It was hard at first because she kept prodding me to take the spiritual headship and such. I felt kinda bad because she wanted to continue to associate with them and I wanted nothing more to do with them. I stumbled on this site and quite a few others and when I could sort it out for myself, I helped her to see the inconsistencies of the watchtower too. It was actually reallly nice to have a wife who went through the same things firsthand and knew all the jargon, etc.. We could talk it out for hours and we both understood each other and the feelings we had because we had both experienced what its like to be a JW.. We were basically each others councellor for awhile, which was really helpful. Im glad that me and my wife were both members at one time because it helped in the sence that we had a common bond when it came time to make the break. With a unexposed spouse they might not understand fully what a person goes through when they seperate from the watchtower.

  Ticker
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  mtbatoon

  Mine is brilliant.

  She has always been there for me, never judging and always supportive. She's learnt what not to say to get on with my parents. Before coming JWD I'd had a couple of run ins with xJW sites on the internet and they had left me worst than before i looked. She was wary when I took the afternoon off work and did nothing but look at this site till the early hours of the next morning. After she read a few of the posts, especially one by brummie, a testimony that was used in a court case, she realised what sort of environment I grew up in. She's an addicted lurker and we daily discuss the posts that appear on this site.

  Crumpet: Stick in there. It's a weird old xJDub life and not one that many can appreciate off the bat. Keeping the whole matter at arms length may be the only way he can deal with something that has caused so much pain to someone he loves.
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  Bethgelert

  Mine is brilliant.

  Why thank you dear *bows*

  Now see, you've gone and made me break the lurkers code and post.
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  Crumpet

  Englishman - I'd like to, but he has his daughter visiting that weekend and actually I rather fancy checking out you FREAKS myself before inflciting you on him! LOL! What is the date again as I really need to start making arrangements if I am going to come. Half of me wants to and half of me is scared that the conversation (as demonstrated on this board) will be way to high brow for me!