Which did you think was worse, df'd or da'd people?

by pennycandy 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  pennycandy

  As a JW, when I'd find out someone got disfellowshipped, I'd shake my head and think, "What a selfish person. Choosing immorality (it had to be immorality) over Jehovah. I hope I never make such bad choices." I felt sorry for their self-imposed position.

  But da'd people were different. They deliberately turned their back on the gift Jehovah had given them. I figured anyone who da'd themselves had basically given the finger to the elders who I'm sure tried so hard and lovingly to keep them in the flock. They had to be insane!

  To me disassociated people were practically inhuman to me. I couldn't imagine that many people just wanted to be left alone, and were forced into disassociation. I couldn't imagine that people could actually NOT believe it was "the truth".
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  pennycandy

  I think about this because I may some day have to choose between the two. Be df'd for apostacy in abstensia, or choose to write "the letter". I don't think it really matters to me, but I think of how my extensive family will view me. I know policy-wise, it's all the same. But it would have made a difference to me in how I thought of someone or treated them.
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  IP_SEC

  back in my old blind days I always just thought ppl da'd because they didnt want to face the elders. Thats why I thought it worse. Now I see things differently.
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  pennycandy

  Just want to add that my heart goes out to all you guys who got attitude from people like me. Even though I can't remember ever actually shunning anyone, I'm sorry for the warped view I had of good people.
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  GetBusyLiving

  I couldn't understand DA'ing either, don't feel bad. Its a part of the mentality. I viewed people who were disfellowshiped as weak, people who disassociated as either nuts or evil. I never would have thought that I would disassociate one day, but I did.

  GBL
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  mkr32208

  I think you should give the elders the finger... and not in a symbolic way either!

  If you can hang in there for a few more years it may not matter!
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  HadEnuf

  In my JW days...I used to think that DA'ing yourself was heinous and evil. I actually felt sorry for DF'd people. Today I just think it's courageous to DA yourself.

  Cathy L.
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  Freedom Fighter

  In my old cong. there was a sister who was disfellowshipped, but she kept attending meetings faithfully none the less. In fact she rarely missed one. She was treated as an outcast, and I remember thinking as a child, ' ooh she's disfellowshipped, got to stay away'.

  Truly dreadful and appalling way to treat another human being. I think most of the congregation wished she would just disappear to save them the embarrassment.

  FF
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  Gretchen956

  We were taught that people that wrote the letter were worse than DFd because they willingly apostasized themselves and grieved the HS. We were always kind of afraid of them. When my oldest brother left he was tricked into writing the letter (long story) and he has always been pissed about that because he automatically got the apostate label whereas I, who did neither, was (for a time) not shunned.

  Sherry
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  peggy

  I always had such compassion and empathy for those Df'd. I think I always knew that no one is exempt from a big fall. When some disasociated themselves, I always had a great curiousity. I knew that no one would do that with out a great deal of thought. I now see it as true bravery and courage, so much can be lost from that decision.