Breaking ties with toxic people....

by love11 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • jeanniebeanz
    jeanniebeanz

    ((((Love11))))

    I can truly sympathize with your situation. It is so frustrating and sad to watch your family vilify you for no aparent reason other than playing the 'lets gang up on (insert family members name here)'. It's like third grade politics and sadly many of us deal with it.

    My mother in law bought me a computer a while back for which I was to pay her in monthly installments. I kept receipts for all of the payments, you got it, save one made in cash. The situation on the one payment made in cash was that she was visiting for Christmas one year and crying because she did not have the money for some of the nicer things that she had before she moved back to Missouri, and stated that she'd like to go shopping but was strapped. I told her that I had a small savings, and would be happy to pull it out and give it to her in place of three months worth of the payments if that would make Christmas easier for her. She agreed, and I went to the ATM and withdrew $375.00 and brought it back and gave it to her in the presence of her daughter.

    Later that day, I also took her and bought her some nice things, more than I could afford, really.

    At the end of the loan, I sent the last check and a balance sheet showing the $375.00 in cash that I had given her at Christmas the year before. She called me and told me she didn't remember the money and that I needed to pay the last three payments or else. I told her I was surprised and that I did not think that was fair. I didn't have the money in the budget to do so immediately but in the intrest of peace, I'd do what I could. After she got off the phone, she hit the roof, went to my RockerDude (my husband)'s brother and cried and told him I was scum and a dirtbag and that he needed to pressure my hubby to make me cough up the money. RockerDudes brother, being absolutely blindly a momma's boy, came at him (not me mind you since he would have gotten his ass handed to him had he tried that with me and he knows it) like an insane person calling me every name in the book. They almost came to blows. When I found out I was stunned. There had been nothing in her demeanor on the phone to indicate the storm that was going to follow, and over a lousy $375.00!

    I didn't have it, and asked her what she wanted me to do. She wanted to sue, so I boxed up the computer and sent it back to her. I couldn't believe it. She had the computer and the money and still has had nothing positive to say to us for the past four years. In that time she has accused us of all types of things and has made trouble for us as often as she can.

    Two years ago, she called CPS on us and told them that I was such an evil person that when they showed up at the door, they sent not the standard one officer and social worker, but two cops and two social workers and were prepared to take my son away on the spot. The entirely false charges were that we did not provide him with any toys or clothes (His room looks like Disney Land and his dresser are full of designer lables, lol), that we would not buy him shoes so that his feet were deformed (he has a birth defect in that his little toes curl under naturally and if she was really interested in her grandson at all she'd have known that), that I burned him with the cigerette lighter (HUH? don't have a clue where that came from), that I was always asleep during the day (when she visited for Christmas I had the flu and did not come over to the inlaws house for the noon meal because I was sick, RockerDude told them he had left me to take a nap because I was sick), that I beat him for not taking big bites of food (she had overheard our son being told *by his dad* not to take such big bites of food because he would choke).

    After spending 15 minutes with us the charges were listed as unfounded and they actually apologized for troubling us...It was still pretty intimidating and frightening that the woman would stoop so low.

    This woman has done so many spitefull things over the years that we've been married that after the last thing with the CPS, and having the sister in law jump in on the bandwagon, that RockerDude and I have had to walk away from them all. There is only so much drama that you can take in your life and remain sane.

    Although it is painful when family members choose to lie and abuse other family members, sometimes the situation cannot be fixed. For us, there came a time to walk away. The last Christmas and Thanksgiving were so peaceful. No drama. So quiet, really wonderful. We just invited friends and the kids and there was no backbiting, in fighting and silly third grade politics. Loved it...

    Jeannie

  • love11
    love11

    one-

    they are no longer jw's and have attended community college.

    jeanniebeanz-

    It sounds like your mother has dementia or a mental illness of some kind.

    I used to help my uncle in-law with cleaning and cooking and I started to wonder why all of his neighbors were would give me "the evil eye". Come to find out, he was telling everyone that I beat him up, stole his money, and starved him. One day, his brother and his brothers wife came over and chewed me out right in front of him. I couldn't believe that he was saying all of this when I was practically his personal slave and was sweet as pie to him, never mistreating him in the slightest. Everyone that knew him for years just believed that he was telling the truth. As months past, it became more and more clear that something was wrong with uncle. He was taken to see the doctor and at first was diagnosed with alzheimers. Then he started to yell at other people for no reason and return in the room and act like nothing had happened. We took him back to the doctor and they performed a brain scan. He did not have alzheimers , but rather dementia ( meaning slowly going insane ), similar to alzheimers. After that, I never did get the apology for being falsely accused, but I think everyone then had to think that, maybe this wasn't true what he was saying.

    Hopefully, even in some small way, you will be vindicated from these accusations.

    - What's it like living in California?

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Much of what I've read in this thread confirms my deep-rooted belief that... FAMILY IS HIGHLY OVERRATED.

    DY

  • love11
    love11

    doubtfully yours-

    I never thought I'd say this- But I couldn't agree with you more!

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    J: Wow...My husband calls my family tragedy vampires. Seems like this would fit for you MIL and family. Thye suck people dry, lie and perpetuate lies.....(((((((((((((((((I'm so sorry)))))))))))))))))) Love: Yep, I have found adopted family to be the way to go. CountryWoman: YEA.....Big sis.....OOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOO My niece everyone is Vivamus.....YAHOOOOOOO*Smoochie*

  • codeblue
    codeblue

    Welcome Love

    I was so sorry to read this thread. I have to agree with what a couple others have said: your sisters must be "jealous".

    A normal, caring person doesn't treat their family member in the ways you have described. I also believe some of my sisters are jealous of me. The signs are evident. But, it is THEIR loss for not treating me like family. I have had one jw sister hang up on me and has never called back or apologized, it has been almost a year now. I will not allow her to treat me in this "toxic way". It hurts to part because we are sisters, but she needs to understand that her actions have reactions. I have to take care of myself. I have to surround myself with people that are positive and make me feel good about "me".

    I am very glad to hear you have a husband who can see thru this an knows it is not a "healthy situation" for you.

    I hope you can move to some place where you and your husband will be happy and SOON!!!

    hugs,

    CodeBlue

  • love11
    love11

    At least you can choose your company with "adopted" family.

    Code Blue- What's it like living in a warm climate year 'round? Right now, I live in the mid-west and it's supposed to be raining all week. This winter has only been peppered with sunny days here and there, but for the most part it is always gray. My husband and I are thinking of moving to California sometime in the next year. Capri's are my favorite type of clothing and I think I could get used to it over there.

    Sorry I sort of got off the subject, but you know- california dreaming on such a winters day.

  • jeanniebeanz
    jeanniebeanz
    It sounds like your mother has dementia or a mental illness of some kind.

    I know I shouldn't have, but I had to smile when I read this. I think you're right!

    After that, I never did get the apology for being falsely accused, but I think everyone then had to think that, maybe this wasn't true what he was saying.

    Sorry to hear this. Even though my MIL has since burned other family members badly, I'll never get an apology either.

    - What's it like living in California?

    California has changed tremendously over the years. I was born here, and remember when a person graduating from high school could afford to rent an apartment on the minimum wage, which at the time was, I believe, $2.65 an hour. Now in this area, unless you are making $55,000.00 you will be in a dump or a bad area of town, and heaven help you if you've got kids.

    The culture has changed dramatically as well, and there is a lot more racial tension than there has been in several decades. Crime is way up against minorities, homosexuals, children and the elderly.

    In short, and it truly saddens me to say this, I want out of Ca. It's government seems bent on destroying it, and raising a family here is more difficult than I want to deal with anymore.

    What's it like where you live?

    J

  • love11
    love11

    Michigan is cold and rainy. Yesterday, it was 43 degrees and the sun was beautiful. Today, it was in the 20's and freezing rain. I am so sick of gray skies!! But my husband makes a modest income and we can eat out almost every night! It's not bad here as far as raising kids go, but it does seem a little backwards sometimes. I would like a more beach life, but I'm not sure about all of the plastic people. I told my husband that I'm not going to move unless we can live a plush life in Cal.. Right now that's not possible. I like the woods and the fields here, but the winter stinks!

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