How can you just let go? (page 2)

squeaky

I do appreciate ALL of your opinions. I'm not quite sure if all understand the depth of what friendship is. I'm trying to be a good friend. I do realize that this all started b/c I placed more focus on a "relationship", but friendship always came first. I truly hope that is understood. I do want him to be happy and I am working to make sure that happens. My hopes for the rest can be put aside as long as my friendship can be maintained. He is staying here with me again. Not on the terms I can only wish for, but b/c I can't stand anyone to be homeless. I have had Awake! shoved in my face a few times in the few hrs he's been here. But hey, who am I to judge. Ordered that book from the public library. If nothing else, it can put my mind at ease. I might have something to interject every once in a while. By the way, completely Bible illiterate, with no particular interest. Anyhoo...the knowledge of everyone on this board is mindblowing. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Right?

eljefe

When someone is in a high control group like JW's, the previous relationships go out the window, this includes any friendship or even blood relations. JW's stress not having a personal relationship with "worldly" people or anyone who is not a JW.

new boy

The hell your young man is in is not uncommon. The real problem is he won't be happy, in his world or yours,------- he is in HELL.!!!

He wants you on many levels, but "his faith" is saying this is WRONG. Its God and family or you! What a choice?

Even if he goes into your world---------and turns his back on God and family, his guilt will destory him mentally. And he could even blame you.

He and no one else can break the chains ----------Hopfully one day for both of you.

Bless, and love him, but let he go, you must let him have his experience.

Keith

Elsewhere

He sounds like the type of person who needs someone to crack a whip on him every now and then. He starts out by keeping his life in line, then he slowly starts doing downhill by taking on bad habits. Once he gets low enough he suddenly runs back to the organization so that the elders will crack their whip on him. Then the cycle begins again.

It appears as though he is not able to self-regulate and needs an external force to keep him from taking on harmful habbits.

bikerchic

squeaky welcome to JWD!

My boyfriend (on/off 5yrs) has been in and out of this religion since we met 10yrs ago. Right now, he is back on. It's hard for me to cope with his switching back and forth. I am not a JW. I know that the way he was raised and the person he became conflict in every way. My opinion is that he hates the person he is when not living by JW standards. We are both in our mid/late 20's and he moved across the country to be with me. When he first got here he was off religion. After about 4-5 months (and a small drug habit) he dropped off the face of the earth for 3wks. Earlier this week, he contacted me.

Imagine him the father of your 80 children........

I'm not quite sure if all understand the depth of what friendship is. I'm trying to be a good friend. I do realize that this all started b/c I placed more focus on a "relationship", but friendship always came first.

Friendship sometimes means doing the hard stuff for the sake of your own sanity. A true friend wouldn't put up with such crap from another friend. Respect yourself first demand that he respect you! Give him a time limit to get his financials in order and get his own place, that's what a good friend would do.

That is what would teach him how to be independent of you and make it on his own, that would teach him to be strong and even if for a time being he didn't count you as one of his friends later he will. Right now you are both playing on each others weaknesses not a good thing for the best of friends IMHO. Certainly not something to build a life on.

While I really do love him, I know that I am not ready to convert to his religion. I want to be with him so bad. I really do. But am not sure if that is would be in HIS best interest. I just want him to be happy. And, from what I've seen over the past 10yrs, the only time he is truly happy is when he is a devout JW. I guess my question is, am I going to have to let him go? Or is there some way that we can make this work?

Again I ask imagine him the father of your 80 children.......

Good luck!

Kate

Euphemism

Missmuffet... welcome to the board!

I understand your point of view, but if he's truly happy as a Witness, why does he keep leaving?

I agree with the others that it would be a good thing for squeaky--if she feels comfortable doing it--to try to help her friend see the truth about the organization. If after that, he still wants to stay in, then fine... that's his choice. But people deserve to know the truth about something that affects their lives so strongly.

love11

If you don't know what to do, don't do anything at all. The answer will come to you in it's own time.

He is confused and you don't need him blaming you for his problems. If it's meant to be, he will figure it out. Guilt seems to be the way they control their followers. As a jw, your whole life you are told over and over again that your life will be horrible if you leave the jw's and if it's not horrible than it's because Satan is trying to deceive you into living "the good life" so that you won't come back to God's "true organization".

Addiction is just another form of self-hatred (I know). I hope one day he can shed all the layers of guilt and manipulation to have a normal healthy life, whether you stay together or not.

greendawn

JW org is very good at entangling people emotionally in its ideological nets and breaking free can be difficult there s a lot of clever psychology behind it all, a smart design of ideas. In my view the key so as to escape this emotional captivity is to demolish the ridiculous idea that the WTS is so highly esteemed by god so as to have been appointed as his plenipotentiary on earth (whatever they did to earn such a divine goodwill)

Getting rejected by the WTS (disfellowshipped) is not equivalent to rejection by god, since contrary to what the JWs claim, there is no acceptance by god of the WTS as his representative and absolutely no connection between the two. That's just an outright fraudulent idea that they made up to gain authority to put themselves on a sky high pedestal so that their word would carry a lot of weight and credibility and appear indisputable and thus enable them to impose their self serving wishes on the naive and gullible. Once accepted, taken at heart, such an idea involving powerful authority figures begins to aquire a lot of compelling psychological force and can be very awkward to demolish and therein bring crushing down the whole complex of mind enslaving concepts of the WTS, since if they are not from god their entire complex of ideas loses its aura of sanctity and validity they become nothing. Then you do away with the train of ideas that paralyses all JWs with a sense of dread: if the WTS rejects me then god rejects me which is very worrying since armageddon is very near with its crashing finality, die there and you are lost forever no ressurection nothing. That's the essence of the WST grip on their emotional world and it's all patent non sense from ruthless manipulators.

WTS leaders are nothing but a bunch of utterly uninspired men who have not excelled in effecting any kind of intellectual, emotional, or spiritual development in their followers but they did however excell in the practice of deceit and in playing endless silly mind control games, always concerned with preserving their own authority rather than lovingly protecting the flock.

Upon getting fully informed on their history you will see that Adolf Hitler would make a better rep of god on earth, the man was criminally minded but at least he was frank about his real intentions.

Oroborus21

Dear Squeeky:

Your friend (bf) has to work out a lot of things for himself including what he believes and wants. As for yourself, all you can do and need to do is tell him that no matter what you will be his friend and that it doesn't matter to you whether he is a JW or not but that if he ever needs you you will be there for him as a friend.

-Eduardo

PS: Stopthepain: I am wondering at what age you were able to "make your own decisions". I don't know your circumstances of course, but I am a little tired about kids complaining about being raised JWs. First, the JW lifestyle/religion is restrictive comparable to any strict moral upbringing of many other faiths. Count yourself lucky that you were not born in an Amish family.

The point is that you don't get to choose your parents and while you are young you don't get to choose everything either, that is rightfully your PARENT's choice to choose how they will raise you and especially what they want to teach you about God or not in accord with their own beliefs. If your parents were atheist and wanted to teach you that there is no God and all religion is bunk that is their right and perogative.

At some point, whether it be in your teens or when you reach the age of majority, a kid/person should begin making their own choices and forming their own belief system. I see that you are 24 years old and some months, so you should be well on your way to forming your own belief-system. Stop blaming your parents and take responsibility for your own choices now!

-Eduardo

Euphemism

Oroborus21 wrote:
The point is that you don't get to choose your parents and while you are young you don't get to choose everything either, that is rightfully your PARENT's choice to choose how they will raise you and especially what they want to teach you about God or not in accord with their own beliefs.

Personally, I don't give a damn whether parents choose to teach their kids about God, Santa Claus, or the great pink unicorn living in the sky. But you can't tell me that a religion that alienates children from their peers, is based on guilt and fear, and promotes mental control and sexual repression won't have a psychological effect that lasts into adulthood. And yes, I realize that most fundamentalist religions have those elements; the Witnesses are just a particularly virulent form.

As you pointed out, there are certainly worse religions than the Witnesses. I feel even more sorry for the children who were raised in them. But I don't believe in telling abuse survivors that they should be grateful because they weren't abused worse.

How can you just let go?

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