SaF -
Thanx for telling us the story.
I won't pretend to know the answer in your case. But I know that it became impossible in my case to play the game, once we knew the facts about the organization and it's lies.
It is a tough out - shunning, being judged, mistreatment, false friends. But being true is what living the 'truth' is about, right? Otherwise it is the 'lie', not the 'truth'. Right. I won't go back, although I understand the need for some to play the game for a while due to circumstances.
One poster suggested reading 'Crisis of Conscience'. I would suggest that you run, not walk to the nearlest online bookstore and get one ordered! I spent all my life in the wraps of this false religion - I wish I had read it 20 years earlier! Please do read it, and soon!
Jeff