How about YOU!!!
14, 000 post----------- and who are you??? What are You afraid of, You don't even have a name. You are you??? What is your real name???----------------You who are afraid.
Were You Always Afraid To Do Something Wrong As A Witness?
by minimus 47 Replies latest jw friends
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cheeseman
I used to worry profusely about my attire. I would wear thai-dye tops and "new age" trousers. Bright green boots with rastafarian laces. I was never spoken to about my clothing, but I knew others in the cong were avoiding me because of it. I suppose part of me knew this could "stumble" others, however, I strongly believed that nobody should be judged by what they chosse to wear, so I stuck it out.
Worrying about my "hippy" threads had other repercussions, to the point where even if I just wore jeans and a sloganed t-shirt, I felt the elders were taking notes on me. Perhaps it was just me being paranoid, but I guess that's what this cult does to your character.
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minimus
"New Boy", ask the same questions to yourself...............For me, since I was an elder for many years, I had to always think about not stumbling others, not giving others a reason to say, "Elder Minimus does it so I can do it too". Then if my daughter or wife wasn't perfect, that could be another reason to worry about having a little sitdown with the elders. I'm glad to be out of that stuff!
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delilah
I didn't give a rats a$% about whether something I might say or do,would be a stumbling block to someone in the cong. The way I looked at it was, there would always be someone who would find fault, as you can't please all the people all the time. So i chose not to please anyone but myself. I did what I could do as far as meetings and service were concerned, I kept my nose clean as far as other people's business was concerned and if they were going to come after me, then let 'em. I had nothing to hide.Besides, it's been my observation over the years, that when there were problems going on, [almost always], it was usually the elders families that were involved.So in order to keep the heat off their woes, they'd create a problem with another family and pick on them, thus sweeping their troubles under the rug so-to-speak. And anyways, an elder once told me, that you can only be "stumbled" if you allow yourself to be, and I think he was right on that one. We are imperfect and we are bound to do something or say something that someone else will find irritating, no matter how careful we are. If theychoose to let my actions dictate how they conducted their life, then that'stheir problem. They were probably looking for a way out of the org. anyways.That was my take on it at the time, I dunno. When i decided to fade, i was not governed by the actions of any one person, actually I grew tired of ALL of them.hahahahahaha and I left on my own accord, for my reasons, not because I was stumbled.
Dee
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minimus
Dee, you shoulda done more.
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The Leological One
I have to say that some of the attitudes presented here are very shocking and offensive to a person who always tried to do what was right and never put on a show for other people. I have to say that I always felt guilty for some reason or another. I never fit in with the other children because they were always putting on a show of piety but never standing fast for the "truth". I even felt ashamed for the thought of masturbating. Of course, I was molested and I felt an even greater necessity to be more than perfect in my walk because people would judge me harshly and condemn me if they had only known that my father molested me. My family had to move out of state in order to get some peace from that issue. Of course, because my father was df'd within a month after the state took me away from home, I thought that JW's had the truth. I worked so hard to do everything right it made me sick. I tried so hard to be a perfect witness and was a shamed because of my very thoughts that I wanted a normal relationship with a man. I felt like I was going to be made into some kind of nun. I knew that I had mental episodes even at the thought of a relationship with a brother since I had been sexually abused by my father and my first fiancé, who was also a brother. I did not believe that I could find a really generous and kind person who would treat me with respect.
I found one friend, a brother, who treat me that well, but even he could not help but throw the molestation in my face. I went crazy again and began to get suicidal because I could never get away from that stigma. I decided that I would take up with a man, Leological, who had been listening to all of my struggles with aspiring to be married and being utterly rejected and left for the wolves to pick by bones dry. I needed protection, so I got married to a non-JW which did not go over well with the congregation. I ended up getting Df'd this last fall and have felt extremely ashamed for ever sinning against God, but I could not help but think that God understood my plight and forgave me for all of my weaknesses as I have clinical depression which has ruled over my very existence. I have been unable to work for a few years now. But I am in College and still find one thing or another that sets off my PTSD. Anyway, I hoping to find some people who truly are understanding and know what it is like to have been truly sincere as a dub their whole lives. I need comforting friends who will not tear me down because I wanted so much to be good so that God would take his terrible curse off of me and protect me from the abusers and advantage takers of this life. If there is anybody out there who can truly relate to my issues please PM Leo's wife through this moniker.
Thank you,
Leo's wife
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AshtonCA
EF,
Thank you for your comments. I'm trying not to enforce too many rules on him. That's why I said to him that if he can control himself that is great, but if he feels the need to, please go to another room LOL. He has plenty of alone time, he's got a 27 inch TV with 4 game consoles in his bedroom, it's getting him to come out and be with the family that's the problem LOL.
Hubby is no help at all in this matter. He cringes at the thought of the conversations I have already had with our son. Hubby was almost mortified the other day when our son came out of his room stark neckit because he has no hangups boydwise and I now have to tell him he's not 2 anymore, go put some clothes on! lol. Anyway he is ummmm.... well endowed and hubby said, oh my lord! It's good to know my son isn't suffering in that uhhh area! LOL I said nope, your son is only 11 and he's hung like a moose! Hubby about died. Then he recovered and said, well at least he's got a future in the porn industry. I then died, then recovered and smacked hubby LOL kidding of course.
Having sons is definitely an adventure. And to think, I get to do it all over again with our newest. Lucky me!
Ash
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EvilForce
Well I'm sure as he keeps devleoping he'll probably get a bit more shy. But you want him to be uninhibited by body image. Body image is important, but also you want to make sure to keep the line of communication open regarding what's going on with his body. I heard about "blowjobs" and what not on the playground in elementary school, and became sexually active at 13. Looking back, I can't imagine that now.
While he will still get sexual info from his peers. You would like him to approach you and hubby too. Because you would be floored at the "peer info" that goes around. The "she can't get pregnant if it's the first time" is always frightening to me. I volunteer at a free clinic once a month and see all sorts of crazy young sexually active teens coming in with inaccurate information. Of course this Bush Administration is not helping by only talking about abstinence only. UGH!!! But that's another topic.
But it sounds like you are doing a great job so far. Keep up the good work. We are shaped by our experience. To this day I don't like my spouse to eat at the table without his shirt on. I was always to be fully clothed at the dinner table. It sounds idiotic but it's some of those early formative things that stick with ya...