how can you stay?

zaphod

speaking as someone who believed it all right up until about a year after i was df'd i just cannot understand the reasoning of people who don't go out on field service, don't go to meetings, don't participate or believe and still stay in the organisation.

i know that it is hard to leave, it's made to be hard, but some of the postings on this site make me think that it must be harder still living a lie and keeping up the pretense.

if you don't believe, why would you want to conform to all the petty rules and subject yourself to men that you don't believe have any authority.

i really do hope that as soon as possible you can all take a deep breath and finally be true to yourself.

zaphod

under74

I'm not someone still in but I can understand why someone might stay in even though they don't believe. They usually have family in and don't feel that they can or should risk losing their family. While it may not be something I would do or have done I understand it and and respect their choice. I don't know if you've had your family torn apart but since mine was I can say that I sympathize with those that are still in even though they know better. They have good reason to be where they are and shouldn't be judged.

Lehaa

I know it may be hard to understand, but if you picture your kids growing up without their family you may understand.

A lot of people stay because of ther family.

I know it may be narrow minded but the one who chooses to leave is the one who rocks the boat. The one who makes it hard.

Sometimes it is easier to remian silent untill the children in the family are old enough to understand.

Although i'm out it makes it harder for my kids to spend time with the family they love.

zaphod

i have had my heart ripped out by remaining "out"

the people that i love most in the world are still "in"

and, believe me, i know how hard it is to stay away.

i am not judging others, just trying to understand how they can deny something so fundemental to their own health and well being. and maybe just encouraging them to think about it.

zaphod

under74

I know you don't mean any offense and I don't mean any when I state that I'm sure the people that are still in while not believing think about it ALL the time. Most would never venture onto this forum if they didn't think about it. They get a reminder of their choice everytime they visit this site and don't need to have it tossed in their faces. They come here for support like the rest of us.

Maybe your questions to those still in need to be stated differently?

Crumpet

Well actually for me it explains all those couples who just seemed to turn up to meetings once a month or so. I was a kid and couldn't understand why they weren't scared of Armageddon being just around the corner or why, when I would try and be "encouraging" to them they'd just smile and say nothing.

NOW I get it - they were just going to the token meeting to keep their families who were believers happy. They knew it wasn't the truth but of course couldnt be seen to be subversive and telling me!

zaphod

hey, i'm just a straight talking country girl.

i will try to temper my rough exterior. my heart's in the right place, honest.

zaphod

under74

hey, i'm just a straight talking country girl.
i will try to temper my rough exterior. my heart's in the right place, honest.

I was born in the bush too and most people think I'm a straight talker and even kinda rough. I know your hearts in the right place and I don't think anyone was trying to shut you down...BUT remember that a lot of people here on this forum are still in and are in pain. So statements about how they might be wrong for doing what they are doing might be taken a bit hard. This is someplace they can go and know they have support. That's all I'm trying to say.

I know you didn't mean any harm. : )

blondie

People basically have 4 ways to leave:

DFing

DAing

Fading

Dying

Fading can be the least painful but takes time and patience and the right circumstances.

DFing and DAing can be painful emotionally when it leads to permanent separation from friends and family you care about. There also can be economic blowback. One man, Bryant, lost all his JW customers and his business went under. He moved, tried to re-establish in another area and ended up killing himself and his family.

Dying--is not a good solution.

Either way I figure that those who stay have a different kind of pain to deal with. I wouldn't presume to make their choice for them. I chose to fade not that my situation couldn't change too..

I've said this before that it can be like straddling a picket fence that gets higher and higher gradually. Eventually, you pick a side.

Love, Blondie

rebel8

Why? Simple. Fear of change--a factor that demotivates some people all their lives (if they let it).

how can you stay?

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