Do those that shun us not love us?

by logansrun 74 Replies latest forum announcements

• 

  Evesapple

  i briefly read through this thread......too much to page through....too over-analyzed...sorry.

  Anyway to answer your question, yes, absolutely I believe my parents still love me even though they shun me.....I think they truely believe they are doing something righteous. All I want to convey to them is just because I am not longer a part of that faith, I still love them just as much, and it has nothing to do with them. I am still a good person, with a good heart, the only thing that has changed is how I worship God....what I feel is right for me. I wish they could see the hypocrisy in the organization and how controlling it is, but...unfortunately, they don't....and they are convinced that if they don't shun me, they lessen the chance of me coming back and not getting destroyed.

  I always try to keep in mind the saying...'seek to understand, Before being understood'.
• 

  outoftheorg

  Hi Silent

  I see still more in the pedophile and other issues.

  There seems to be an inability, a refusal actually, to deal with reality and the real world. I saw this as starting from the top "bethel" and coming down through the do and co and elders. When we "elders" would call bethel desk, we only heard advice of one kind or another that seemed to say "don't stir the pot, sit on it, just drop it as the first answers. Unless it involved a possible apostate. Stay isolated, don't invite the authorities, they may want more information than they deserve.

  They had the elder arrangement installed, yet it could do nothing about a legal misdemeanor or a felony, so lets see what happens. It may go away by itself thinking. Stay away from the worldly authorities since they hate god and the wbts.

  Never stated like this, just the unspoken message.

  Outoftheorg
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  You might laugh - I do not - it is very serious and how they view it

  Stilla,

  I know what you mean. I understand completely and although my laughter may be misconstrued as amusement, it is in fact derision. I can think of nothing that shows my disdain for this organization so much as laughing *at* them.

  It is a ludicrous belief system that convinces people that bad is good, and hate is love.

  J
• 

  Lady Lee

  Fortunately we know many things the average JW is totally unaware of

  The real reason for the shunning is not an expression of love or discipline but rather to stop the average JW from talking to people who know the real truth about the WTS and would willingly share that information. It explodes their information control and therefore their control over the R&F.

  We also know that shunning is not an act of love. It is emotional abuse.

  But they don't know that. Limited to only "safe" people and information they only know what they are told. And as Gary posted above they think it is a loving act.

  Pity them for they know not what they do

  An aside to this:

  My aunt and uncle shunned me for many years as instructed by the WTS. After they left we met and my aunt and I fell into each others arms, in tears, weeping for all the lost years. She never agreed with the shunning but followed the rules. Fear is a powerful motivator.
• 

  Lady Lee

  It is a ludicrous belief system that convinces people that bad is good, and hate is love.

  Exactly
• 

  love11

  It reminds me of that saying you always here battered women say- "He loves me.... in his own way".

  =

  Someone can do wrong to someone else and still love them.

  Yup, sounds like the same reasoning to me...

  J

  That's not what I meant, I was being sarcastic.- "He loves me... in his own way" ya right!
• 

  purplesofa

  I was a person found door to door. I was searching for something. I studied, in secret.

  I was married (not a good marriage) with 4 kids when I came in the truth. I got pregnant right after baptism with 5th child. Five months after she was born I was seperated, and fast on my way to a scriptual divorce.

  At this point in my life I have given up all my worldly friends, made a stand for the faith concerning holidays with my family. So, I was more isolated and only hanging with JW people which is pretty much non-existant with 5 kids and unbelieving mate.

  My divorce become final in a few short months and I went from a very nice home and income, to being totally abandoned by my ex financially and had to turn to welfare for help.

  So now, I have lost my old friends, my husband, my support financially, my home.......I was 28 years old with 5 small kids and my life was STRESS to the max to say the least.

  To top it off my step dad committed suicide shortly after all this happened. I drank the day we buried him, to take away the pain. and seemed for a time drinking helped to ease the pain of my life. My mother was relying heavily on me for support, she lived 3 hour drive away, and now I was poor and found it taxing to travel as well as having all these kids to support.

  Lonliness grew deeper and deeper within me. There was a house down the street where alot of people my age hung out and partied. Anyway, drinking led to fornication, which led to being DF.

  This all happened in a matter of months......it was not over a long period of time.

  Disfellowshipping is a death sentence. We come away feeling and are told we are doomed to death. There was no help for me. I am sure my problems were overwhelming to say the least. I think the easiest way for the elders to handle it was to just get rid of me. Anyone, that voluntarily goes before a committee meeting and bares there soul is IMO asking for help and never warrents DF.

  So then came the shunning.......I was totally cut off from everyone now. Old friends, new friends.

  Was this loving? It took me nine years to sort that out. I never blamed the friends for shunning me. It was the arrangement of the organization, direction from Jehovah himself. I felt like the lowest scum from the bottom of the earth......How I ever worked through that and raised kids and worked and kept a house clean and and and all I had to do......I will never know.

  One sister worked at the electric company while I was being shunned.....She would smile at me and one time she showed me pics of her kids......There are no words to describe how that made me feel, that I was worthy, worthy of someone being nice to me, worthy to breath the air like everyone else in the universe. It gave me hope that I was worth saving.

  Now after being reinstated, after making deeper friendships in the organization, I would hold different ones more accountable for shunning me. If it was decided by them to shun me without any explanation from me at all. But isn't it clever how the society sets it up, so that one is DF and not announced why and then no one can speak with them? I would think they would want to know what is going on and know me well enough that whatever I did was a behavioural result of some problem. I don't think it would be loving.

  Now, I am walking away, not thrown out for some sin that anyone could fall prey to,

  this time because of the lack of love shown while not being shunned.

  purps

  Sorry for going on, not sure if this was right place to post this. It set something off in me, obviously.

  thanks for letting me vent.
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  That's not what I meant, I was being sarcastic.- "He loves me... in his own way" ya right!

  Yes, so was I... I believe that the line of reasoning of the woman trying to make sense of her abusive husbands evil acts after his telling her he loves her is the same trap that we may fall into by saying that people love us when their actions do not show it... J
• 

  Lady Lee

  PS You describe perfectly why shunning is abusive. It is controlling of the victim and of those who have to do the shunning. And once DFed and reinstated the mark always stay there.

  I'm so glad you are freeing yourself
• 

  love11

  Question for everyone- When we used to be jw's did we talk to disfellowshipped people?

  The only reason we see how abusive df is, is because we are out of it. They do not even realize how cruel and grotesque it is for thinking that the whole world is going to be slaughtered when God comes back to earth!!!!! Their brain is not their own, no matter how much they think it is.

  JW's only think of themselves on how df of their family member is going to affect them, but I secretly think they like being a martyr. Oh the sacrifices for Jehovah.......give me a break!....... more like sacrifices for a publishing company.