I will not share a meal with you but can you give me some money

by tyler m 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • Rabbit
    Rabbit

    Tyler,

    I admire you for 'taking up the slack' your parents have left you and you siblings with, because of JWism. Under 'ideal' circumstances, sure, avoiding yelling at your parents is probably the right thing to do.

    HOWEVER, since no one here was privey to that conversation, they shouldn't judge you on your reaction. I almost never yell, I try to be respectful and peaceable most of the time. But, I had an incident with a JW sister a couple of years ago, where I did do some screaming and yelling.

    She was being disrespectful to my soon-to-be-bride, because she was NOT a Witness. She was reading (yelling so loud my fiance' could hear thru my phone ear piece across the room) scriptures to me like, ..."do not become un-evenly yoked with un-believers...stop touching the un-clean thing..."! (You see, I had an un-scriptural divorce, so getting remarried was 'adultry') My soon-to-be-bride, says, "un-believer ?!, I'm a believer...!!!! And...now she using the Bible to say I'm an "UN-CLEAN THING !!!???

    Yep...I YELLED. She says "Well, you KNOW you are doing wrong and you KNOW she is an UN-believer ! You KNOW the Truth ? and you're going against it."

    I was and am still 'marked' not DF yet. Not one of my many, many JW family, kids or other relatives attended our wedding. That was a fine 'witness' for the 'worldly' guests. You should have heard their comments when they noticed my immediate family and sisters weren't there!

    Among many other things I said, "Yeah...I know the Truth ? alright..."

    Sometimes, yelling is entirely appropriate.

    Rabbit

  • doogie
    doogie

    tyler:

    I have no regrets about what I said to my "father". If I had to do it over again I would blast him again and then tell him to put mom on the phone and blast her too. I could hear her talking in the background. I am not going to call them and make peace. My door is closed to them. I thought about this all night and I think the only way I could allow them in my life is if they left the dubs. Otherwise they would still be emotionally abusive and dense.

    amen! i feel exactly as you do, except for one small thing. even if my family left the cult, they would not be automatically welcomed back. it would take YEARS before that was even a possibility.

    as far as parents "deserving" respect...i've said it before, but having sex and giving birth only count for so much and only deserve so much respect. for a parent to continue being respectable, they need to BE A PARENT in an emotional sense in addition to the physical sense. my parents threw away any "rights" they may have had to respect long ago.

    never feel bad for not being a doormat.

  • david_10
    david_10

    Hi there, Doogie. You said: "never feel bad for not being a doormat." Unfortunately, Christianity has a lot to do with being a doormat. It's just the way it is. You know-----------"turn the other cheek", "love your enemies", "forgiveness", all that stuff.

    Dragonlady

    , I appreciate you telling me how you feel. I left the Organization around 15 years ago, and without going into details, I despise the Society probably even more than you do. What's more, I have no use for religion at all, and I guess I can safely say that I am staunchly agnostic. But it occurs to me that I'm more of a "Christian" than most people who claim to be Christian are. There's something about that verse: " As far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men" that just gets me. Like I pointed out, we're not dealing with normal people here, but it's not their fault. The Rank & File have been brainwashed into accepting this sick way of life and they honestly believe that they are doing the right thing. Now, I managed to figure things out and left the "truth", but I really feel sorry for those that are still trapped inside and I wish I could help them to get out. Unfortunately, I probably can't, but I still feel deep sorrow for them. Didn't Jesus feel pity for the crowds when they came to him, even being moved to tears on at least one occasion that comes to mind. I don't think that that is a bad way to feel about my former friends, even though they don't feel that way towards me. And I think that we should especially feel that way to those who are in our family, because, in this world, family is just about all we have. I feel very bad for Tyler and everyone else who have lost their families, and there's probably nothing that anyone can do about it. I know the JW mentality real well.

    But I also know this, and, Tyler, this is what's going to happen, so please listen: One of these days, sooner or later, you're going to be on your death bed. Or your mother will. Or Dad. Or brother. Or someone. And there's going to be a lot of regret and sorrow, not to mention guilt. All those lost years, and there's nothing you can do to get them back. Nothing except cry. I've seen it over and over. So that is why I give the advice I do. And so maybe, after all these years, even after your terrible upbringing and the awful way they have treated you, maybe you could reach deep inside yourself and make the effort to improve your family relations. It may not go anywhere, but when the inevitable time comes that I spoke of, at least your conscience will be clear and you'll know that you tried.

    DragonLady, I would like to relate an ancedote that took place a year or two ago, as related to me by my brother. By the way, I gave COC to my brother, who in turn gave it my parents, who have all now pretty much done the slow fade. (It looks like I did help someone, doesn't it?) Anyway, my brother has been close friends with an elder and his wife for many years and even now are on pretty good terms with them. Unbeknownst to my brother, the elder and his wife have a daughter, now in her 40's, who was disfellowshipped when she was 17. They had not seen or talked to her for nearly 20 years. While the daughter and her husband and 2 children were driving down I-40 on their way home to California, they were driving through our town and the daughter decided to call her parents. They were invited over to the house, and they had a brief reunion and spent a night together. For the first time, the elder and his wife saw their grandchildren, a boy and girl now ages 16 and 17. And the next day, they left. My brother says that Sister Elder cried like she would never stop. Was anyone happy? Or satisfied? I don't think anybody on either side was saying : "See there, they asked for it." "They got what they deserved." "Ah, Revenge! Isn't it sweet? That'll show 'em we're serious!" No--------------------all I see is a terrible human tragedy. I hate seeing the same thing happen to Tyler or you or countless others trapped in this wretched excuse of a religion. And that's why I say : "As far as it depends on you, be peaceable...."

    David

  • doogie
    doogie
    Unfortunately, Christianity has a lot to do with being a doormat.

    good point.

    it's too bad...jesus seemed like such a smart guy too...(there comes a point when it is no longer healthy mentally to continue to "turn the other cheek," and "love thy enemy," etc.)

  • avishai
    avishai
    as far as parents "deserving" respect...i've said it before, but having sex and giving birth only count for so much and only deserve so much respect. for a parent to continue being respectable, they need to BE A PARENT in an emotional sense in addition to the physical sense. my parents threw away any "rights" they may have had to respect long ago.

    never feel bad for not being a doormat.

    Bingo.

  • tyler m
    tyler m
    All those lost years, and there's nothing you can do to get them back. Nothing except cry. I've seen it over and over. So that is why I give the advice I do. And so maybe, after all these years, even after your terrible upbringing and the awful way they have treated you, maybe you could reach deep inside yourself and make the effort to improve your family relations. It may not go anywhere, but when the inevitable time comes that I spoke of, at least your conscience will be clear and you'll know that you tried.

    David there is nothing to improve. We are not a family and they only talk to me about "necessary family business" and of course to ask me for money to go to Bethel. I am not going to contact them. I am not a Christian so the whole turn the other cheek thing does not fly with me. They are the ones wasting away the years. Not me. When I am on my death bed I will have no regrets where my parents are concerned.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit