D.A. vs. Slow Fade

by Black Man 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • JT
    JT

    the desire to make a statement is what i often hear from those who feel sending in a "30 page letter" will do if they DA thmeselves

    and of course everyone has a different view and what works for one person may not work for another

    but for me since i know that the Entire concept of "DA" is the brainchild of the Legal Dept i have seen no reason whatsoever to continue to allow them to control me even when i'm leaving

    i would personly never waste the cost of a stamp-

    but each person must do what they have to

    the entire reason for the concept serves the interest of the wt in a number of ways-

    in fact in the near future you will see more DFing offenses be RE-CLASSIFED by the legal dept to the classification of DA and more items will be classified as "A Conscience Matter"

    the ways in which DA benefits wt are many just a few:

    1- it protects them legally-- for YOU HAVE taken actions towards them and not the other way around as in a Judical case-

    this was the result of what happened in a number of countries

    i recall talking to Leon Weaver when i was at bethel about this and he was very candid about the role that DA plays in protecting God's Visible Org.

    if someone joins the army in some countries and the elders were do take action then the gov would view them as being subversive

    so the question comes up: "How can we kick thier blacka$$ out without getting into trouble?"

    well in coms the legal desk and along with the service committee and writing dept they come up with this new COINED phrase known as "DA"

    which allows the elders/ under the direction of the WT to kick your A$$ out without having to lift a finger- it has got to be the neatest trick one can pull

    the instructions to all jw are to treat a da like adf person yet no committee is needed to get the same results
    it like staying home from work all week and still get your chk of friday

    why then would you go to work????????

    2. the second benifit is it allows wt to classify you into thier worst group. HE TURNED HIS BACK ON GOD

    as one person stated what really pisses wt off is when you can come and go when you please- one bro at bethel told me that jw who don't get DF or DA are like satan up in heaven coming and going at will

    personally i feel that due to the wt indoctrination it is much harder to help someone like family get out if you have been classified as DA

    they are not in fear of being seen with you or your car in thier yard or even being seen over at your house

    if anything most jw would assume perhaps that they are "helping " you out

    but they would rarely be caught dead in your persense if you are DA

    but it all depends on the circumstances

    for those with family in and those with no family in it is different

    i menetioned a thread were we discussed how to leave wt intact

    and what the main thrust was not so much as to whether one drifted or da but THE TIMING

    TO many jw that we see here make a haste decision and instead of leaving on THEIR TERMS they ARE FORCED ONTO WT TERMS

    if one takes advantage of the advice here they can leave on thier terms

    for my wife and i we are now at a very comfortable point- we have had time like someone else mentioned to est new friends , new activities, etc

    so if they were to hear about old james on the net and having DFed and DA folks over to the house-- so what--

    but as for taking action on my part Please i would never give the WT Legal Dept that type of control over my life.

    I have spoken to so many former jw who sincerely went out of thier way to "EXPLAIN" why they were leaving- xeroxing 50 page packets to give to each elder, mailing out BULK MAIL to all family and friends

    thinking that somehow it would "explain" things WRONG--

    the intense wt indoctrination has prepared almost every man woman an child for the day that they hear something that has the SMELL OF APOSTASY on it- and so they shut down like an ATM machine on the 3rd try with the wrong PIN number.

    i feel the most important thing on this issue is NOT HOW YOU LEAVE BUT WHEN YOU LEAVE

    and this NET "THANG" IS THE key- time and time again we see folks tell us THE ELDERS ARE COMING - WHAT SHOULD I DO
    and the advice just rolls in-

    cause the avg joe blow publisher and Lord have mercy don't let it be a sister don't have any idea of how the elders program work - where you have a combination of the wt instructions along with the personal
    rules of some jacka$$ elder coming at you-

    i know as a former Society Man we would sit in our car just before going into the house and like the society told us PLAN OUR ATTACK

    who would cover this and who would cover that- and the poor soul wouldn't stand a chance against 2 well prepared and exp elders- the questions would be coming from out of left field and they could not block them-

    but having the net folks are learning everyday how and what to do and not to do so that they can survive and keep at least a certain amount of thier sanity

    the key is this folks HOW EVER YOU LEAVE MAKE SURE IT IS ON YOUR TERMS AND ON YOUR TIME TABLE NOT THIERS

    I just love this NET "THANG"

    JAMES

  • Richie
    Richie

    Disassociating yourself slowly or quickly is a matter of perspective; think about it....you lose no matter what, i.e. the Witnesses will treat you like you have become part of the "bodysnatchers" or the world and no matter how you rationalize it....there is no honorable way out in the eyes of the Witnesses.
    I was DF'd 1 1/2 years ago ( as they said that I left the organization so it was entirely my fault, little do they know that THEIR organization left ME, as I appealed their decision) and the sudden break-off of family and friends in the truth is always devastating to say the least - it's an emotional explosion which in someone's wildest dreams in a normal world would never ever happen.....I can understand what death means, at least in the beginning: I was dead though living - when I went to the meeting (disfellowshipped) afterwards...I could feel the emptiness, the non-existence and when by accident I would be gazing straight into the eyes of one my (former) friends, he would just stare past me as if I didn't exist at all - how convenient for them to ignore me and make me feel like the lowest person on earth - but then..of course they were taught to respond in this manner to anyone who is df'ed... Then I thought to myself...what would happen when eventually I would be re-instated....Yes, suddenly everybody would gather to want to see me at the end of the meeting!!! And then they would be my best friends all over again......
    For that reason I cannot return to the meetings to want to be re-instated and have this hypocracy heaped upon me like tentacles.....
    Then upon further scrutiny, I am thinking what if I sat disfellowshipped for many many years, perhaps 30 or 40 more years....would anyone "forget" that I am df'd and treat me kindly as if I am a human being??? You see these thoughts are constantly crossing my mind; thoughts of wanting to come back or at least being RI and as a result have "them" consider me a human by some association again or continue to live my "free" life for the rest of my natural life. As my (unbelieving) father once said: when you are not permitted to think freely, to move freely, to live freely...then life is not worth living and you should break free at any cost!!!
    I only started to realize this very truth of being able to think freely after I was shunned from the Organization....
    When I think of all the years serving Jehovah faithfully and even becoming an elder in the process, in the beginning I often wondered if literal death would be more delightful than continue to live in a state of non-existence...in fact I was looking forward to sleep and close my eyes eternally...
    I had given up so many things to be a faithful witness: my parents departed from me; they could not recognize me any more...of course I was faithful to the Society, so the heck with our loved ones who are not in the truth...my fleshly family was estranged for many years and the so-called friends in the world I had before left me too, especially when I started to witness to them in the beginning showing them my new-found "truth"... Ohhhh how I wish to hug my father and mother now and tell them how truly sorry I am from the bottom of my heart of the many times that I ignored their true feelings because of my right way..... How often did I see my parents cry because their son departed from them in that religion where your association is not allowed anymore...I do not know of any organization anywhere in this world where they literally break up friends, families and close relatives: if you are not in the truth (with the exception of "sincere" bible-studies), you are considered sub-human and in the sub-conscious mind if the Witnesses not worthy of loving in the truest sense of the word.....
    Yes, I have lost my relatives, friends, even my job on account of the "truth" - I had given it away so I could worship God and yet all along I have always felt this uneasiness in the depth of my heart, this strange churning feeling of recurring doubt whether God's organization was the truthful and only organization delivering the accurate and infallable accuracy of the Scriptures and only they were given the precise interpretation of all things existing as to why we are here on this earth.....
    I know that there is valuable & precious time to walk, talk, breath, taste, care, cry and love: and Yes I promise myself I Will....
    True love is an act of total surrender - yet I intend to search for this love doing so with my free spirit as God has each of us given us all these capacities to enjoy and use to the full with a caring attitude to help others in need of this love...
    Perhaps love makes us old before our time...or young, if youth has passed. That's why I try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance - We are the music as long as the music lasts....

    Richie :*)

  • Richie
    Richie

    I just called my daughter to see how her son was doing.....The first thing she said was....heee why aren't you at the meetings anymore....and what are you doing with your life??....and what about Judy (my wife)...what's she doing with HER life.....with other words...you can't be happy and have a real life if you're not in the truth...
    So brainwashed and so sad and sooo "loving" - it breaks me apart...

    Richie :*)

  • JT
    JT

    rICHIE

    very powerful post my man

    you have shown the human cost of having a high control group like wt control folks lives

    i truly hope that at this point in your life you have come to some closure- if not completly which i doubt any of us really will if we have family who are still trapped in the burning wt house

    but the net will provide you with like minded folks who understandand can offer words of comfort

    i hear the pain in your post and in talking with others who have been DFed i can't imagine the pain

    i too like you were an elder in fact i was a dyed in the wool Society Man- my view was simple IF IT;S IN PRINT THEN JAH HAS SPOKEN

    SMILE

    CK YOUR EMAIL

    JAMES

    THANKS FOR THE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

  • Big Jim
    Big Jim

    I sarted out by missing about three months of meetings in a row. Then my wife convinced me to go back for Sunday meetings only and that I did for about two months then I realized I was living a lie so I basically quit going completley now for almost four years.

    This was the first year I did not go to the memorial. My wife and kids were sick about it.

    My wife has arranged to have book study in our home and meetings for field service on Fridays. It makes her feel good so it does not bother me.
    I have also grown a beard so I guess that really does send a message to.

    Fading worked for me because I have four kids and a wife that are very active and I did not want any adverse things to happen to them.

    GREAT TOPIC.

  • Black Man
    Black Man

    up...........

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    BUMPing this beauty of a thread.

    I have chosen a slow fade. I honestly haven't contemplated DAing. But I am not afraid to "lose" JW friends as I have never had an issue making friends anywhere.

    My fade is more for the sake of my wife who overall has been quite understanding in my change of beliefs. We are a fairly well known and well liked couple. Most people don't know my situation. They just assume things are still grand with me in the WT paradise. My wife is still a fairly solid believer and is active, but kind of does her own thing.

    By slow fading, I still get fun weekend getaways with "friends", with whom my wife feels more comfortable presently. I am pretty laid back wherever I am at, regardless of the presence of JWs or not. I just find myself getting more and more annoyed at the silly "spiritual" conversations.

    So at this point, slow fading gives me the best of both worlds, and in particular, because I haven't had to be a regular meeting attender to receive the "association" benefits.

    Oh, and great thread Black Man, even 11 years later!

    CoC

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    BUMP

    What are your thoughts on this anyone??

    I love reading about the different sides/outcomes to this subject.

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    I would love to hear the follow-up stories of these original posters from twelve years ago.

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