Ex's Who Can't Abide Ex's

by Englishman 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  Most of the "real life ex's" that I have met don't want anything to do with other ex's. These are people who don't like ex-dub boards. In fact they don't have much time for other ex's, full stop. They see them as being just a diluted version of the original "in the truth witness" and just can't be arsed with any of it.

  At my barbie last year, one such ex made an appearance and rounded on us all for "picking the scabs" off our histories. He said we should just get on with life and forget the whole damned thing. We should be just like him. Hah!

  Seriously though, virtually every ex that I knew personally when they were an active JW, doesn't want to know anything about get-togethers or meet ups or boards such as these.

  Interesting, is it not?

  Englishman.
• 

  avishai

  I've met a few like that. I also have a few old friends that are ex's that will now have nothing to do with me because I am an "apostate" and my bro is suing the society, even though they are ex -jw's, smoke pot, have long hair, earings, tattoos (their guy's) etc., but they still have some sort of misguided "loyalty" that you don't talk against "Jehovah".

  Jerks.
• 

  Celia

  At my barbie last year, one such ex made an appearance and rounded on us all for "picking the scabs" off our histories. He said we should just get on with life and forget the whole damned thing. We should be just like him. Hah!

  What happened to him ? did he live to tell the tale ?
• 

  Mulan

  I know several like that. Just different kinds of people. They prefer to move on and not bring it all up all the time. The rest of us need the group support. Maybe they just recovered quicker.

  To each his own.
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  avishai

  Also, even on these boards and at meet ups, some seem to still afford some sort of "status" as to whether you were baptized, a pioneer, an elder, etc., etc., as if you knew more, etc. Or the reverse, those who were never baptized, saying "Well, at least i was smart enough to get out right off the bat."

  I have been guilty of the latter. And apologize. We have all been through our own hell a the hands of that org. and do NOT have the right to judge. As a matter of fact, that's one of the most fun parts of being out, the feeling of not being obligated to judge others.
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  avishai

  I know several like that. Just different kinds of people. They prefer to move on and not bring it all up all the time. The rest of us need the group support. Maybe they just recovered quicker

  Some of us just stuff it way down deep for a long time. I thought i was like that. Until i found JWD. Then I was hooked.
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  Narkissos

  For about 17 years after I was df'd, I happened to meet only 2 or 3 xJWs and we didn't keep in touch (with the exception of one close friend who was df'd with me). I wouldn't have thought that a fellowship or board of ex-anything would be interesting. Only in the past 2 years or so the internet and curiosity led me here: I realised (1) that a group of currently very different people with one past common experience was in many ways more interesting than a group of people with present common interests; (2) that an important part of my life had been deeply buried, because it was just meaningless to my current acquaintances, and it was quite useful (to me and sometimes to others) to bring it back to the surface.
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  luna2

  I've been lucky to have my best friend when I was in the org come out of it at nearly the same time I did. She's kept in touch with a couple others from that first congregation we were all in together who have left too. It was good to be able to have someone to talk it out with, that's for sure.

  She's always been more engaged than I am...did more as a JW certainly, and when she decided she'd had enough, quit faster and more decisively than I did. She also felt that there was much too much that was being altered and shifted by the WTS. All that "new light" was giving her a headache, so she started doing some research. I had just drifted away, figuring that I was the screwed up one, and was like avishai's ex-dub friends who don't want to hear bad stuff about the org. I thought it was still the truth and that I might go back.

  My friend emailed me "Terry's Story" a couple weeks ago, however, and the damn burst. I've been all over the internet looking at "apostate" sites ever since and found JWD. I love this. What an amazing source of information and experiences. Nobody can quite understand like people who have been there.

  If some can walk away and never look back, good for them, but I'm finding this a great way to de-program myself.
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  avishai

  Well, there's alot of folks out there who unfortunately think, "Well, I'm gonna die at armageddon, but what the hell, I'm gonna have fun". I've held a ton o' them while they cried, drunk off their asses. Those are usually the ones your talking about, eman. Arrogant about it sober, but get em blotto , see what happens...
• 

  Rod P

  I think that spending time on an Ex-JDub Board is incredibly interesting, and also useful.

  Think about it for a minute. Because of the World-Wide-Web we are now in a position to meet and share with people from all over the world a collective experience most of us have gone thru, but in diverse ways. This is a True Global Perspective. The common denominators included:

  1) We were once sincere and believing JW's

  2) We came to the point where we had to question the validity of a number of teachings being propagated by the WBTS/GB.

  3) We were either Disfellowshipped (or we Disassociated ourselves) from the Organization, probably for Apostasy or Disobedience (eg. Blood). Some may have been on the grounds of the "Practice of Sin" by JW Definition (eg. immorality, drunkenness), but I think that was, by far, the minority. The consequences of that was "Shunning" by all those who were important to us in our lives.

  4) Many of us had our "friendship network" and especially our family unit (including extended family) ripped apart and destroyed as a direct result of the Shunning Policy in the name of Jehovah.

  5) The trauma and the heartache that ensued produced all kinds of angst and depression and anger, etc. inside of us, and we had to fight back to keep our own sanity.

  6) We had to move on, and pick up the pieces, as we explored different options to rebuild our individual lives.

  7) We stand ready to help others who have recently gone thru what we have had to endure, or those who are just now going thru this, traumatized and feeling lost. Who would not feel compelled to try and help these people?

  8) No-one has all the answers. But if we stand together on this forum, the collective wisdom of this group will be able to provide the necessary and relevant input and assistance to those in need. United we stand.

  9) Sometimes we all feel down. Nothing makes me feel better than a little bit of empathy and friendly advice that I get from the folks on this Forum. I am sure you all must feel some kind of similar appreciation.

  10) Who knows, but that we may be having an impact on this World-Wide Empire of JW's. IMO, one of our Objectives should be to expose the life-destroying tactics, manipulation and deception being practiced by this Organization. They should not be allowed to get away with the things they do. It is time someone stands up to them, and that's what I think we are doing here. How many people are out there may have come on this Site, considering about becoming a JW, and by the time they are thru here, have decided Not To Join. Look at the amount of potential damage we will have prevented in these peoples' lives. That makes it all worthwhile. What they do in secret, we ought to shout from the housetops, exposing it all to the World. Not for revenge! But for the satisfaction of knowing that someone else has been saved from going down that destructive path, the end of which they cannot see.

  Rod P.