Make "your own" JW door to door presentation...

JH

Hey!

My name is minister rat, and I just happened to be in your neighbourhood. Have a look at this cool babe on the front page of this June Awake. Isn't she lovely with her hat and sunglasses on? You know what mam, you could also be a nice cool chick in the near future, if you join our cult. God will make you young and desireable again and once more your husband will say, " 19 what a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat.I'll let her own breasts intoxicate me at all times. With her love I'll be in ecstasy constantly".

Honesty

Good morning, I have some good news that I'm sharing with your neighbors and you look gullible enough to believe this, too. My name is Honesty and I cannot tell a lie. How would you like to live forever in pair-o-dice with a whole bunch of brainwashed twits like me? Good because I have a bible supplement here called "Knowledge That Leads To Everlasting Torment in The Watch Tower Cult". You can have a copy if you will follow me to our next Kingdumb Hell meeting this Thursday evening at 7:30 P.M. Just come outside and get in line with the rest of the lemmings when you hear me playing my special demonic flute as I walk by your house.

Sunspot

Good Morning. My friends and I are in your area today to share some exciting news. I know we all are concerned with the rising costs that affect all of us----but how would you like to never spend your hard-earned money on silly birthday presents, Christmas gifts for that dork in the office, or having to buy that expensive prom dress for your daughters!

Sound good? It's as simple as becoming a JW, and all your excuses to your family and friends will be automatically taken care of. We don't celebrate anything that you have to buy presents for or spend money on.

Why don't you let me come in and I'll explain how all this will work.......

HappyDad

Said while holding up 3 different hard cover books.........."Hi.....we're selling these books for the Watchtower. Would you like to buy one? They're only $$". This was actually said by a 13 year old I had to partner up with one Saturday years ago.

I was embarrased then! Never....I say....NEVER AGAIN will I be "selling" pubs for the dubs.

HappyDad

Nosferatu

Presentation #1:
Hello, I'm trying to sell these goddam books. Wanna buy them? If you buy everything in my bookbag, I'll throw in the book bag for free!

Presentation #2:
Hello, I'm here to help you make money! Have you ever considered recycling to make some extra beer money? Well, all you have to do is collect things like old newspapers and anything made of paper. They pay 1 cent a pound at the recycling depot on Main Street. Now, this is your chance to quickly accumulate paper to recycle. I have a nice stack of Watchtowers and Awakes that I'm looking to get rid of. We work on a donation system, so you don't have to pay me for these damn things. I'll come back next week with another stack for you to save! I guarantee it will accumulate quickly and you'll be in a Paradise with all your free beer money!

Presentation #3
Good Morning! Could you do me a favor and throw these magazines out for me? Thank you.

googlemagoogle

a: good morning, have you ever...
b: first of all, who are you?
a: we are of the jehovah's witnesses.
b: look, basic etiquette requires a presentation of who you are, your name and what you want.
a: err... right. my name is xx and this is xx.
b: good. what do you want?
a: err... you know...
b: well, you see, i'm running out of time. have a good day.

happened to me... changed me forever ;-)

PaulJ

Hi! (or Greetings! Do you remember the inro's from the back of the Resoning Book?? Did anyone ACTUALLY say 'Greetings!??')

We are here to talk 'at' you about the bible. Do you have a spare half an hour to talk about stuff you havent thought about since RE lessons at school? Yes I know its cold.... no come back...

love2Bworldly

Good morning, how are you today? The reason I am stopping by today is to try to convert you to be a Jehovah's Witness, also because I have to turn in my monthly report of how many hours I spend harrassing people like you on a Saturday morning.

If you study with me and become a baptised JW, this is what your life will be like from now on: you will attend 3 meetings a week and spend your weekends preaching for at least 10 hours a month or you will be called a low-hour publisher, if you do not count any hours we shall call you an irregular publisher--if you are a man you will wear a 3 piece suit and tie to do so, if you are a woman you will wear long dresses or skirts with pantyhose; you must underline your Watchtower article and comment at the Sunday meeting in order to look like a good JW; if any of our members sexually assault your children you will not be allowed to report it and the victims will be punished for calling the police; you and your spouse will only be allowed to do the missionary position in your bedroom, if you engage in other sexual practices you must confess the details to our elders; you should not listen to worldly music or watch movies that are not rated G; you will have to try to convert all your non-JW friends and relatives--otherwise you may not enjoy their company; you will have to cease Pagan activities but only the ones we will give you on a list; you must not follow Jesus as your leader but must follow the Governing Body; you will not be allowed entry into heaven or partake of the emblems at the annual Memorial--only a few older people who have been JW's since 1900 are allowed to go to heaven; you must not grow a beard if you are a man, if you are a woman it's ok to grow facial hair; you must not watch Star Wars because it's violent and people make a religion out of the Dark Force, or ET because his finger is you know, a phallic symbol; you must marry only another baptised goody goody JW, and if your husband beats you until you are black and blue he is still your family head and you must submit to him; if you are a minor and your goody goody JW parents beat you until you are black and blue--you probably deserved it because you should not 'withhold the rod from your sons'; if you have a 6 month old baby--spank the baby if he/she makes noise during our holy meetings; if you break any of our rules you must report the details to our elders so they can promptly disfellowship you, oh by the way that means any friends and family JWs you have can never speak to you again--if you are not a minor your parents should kick you out immediately--this is our way of showing love so that you will want to hurry back to get reinstated.

Did I miss anything?

Sunspot

Did anyone ACTUALLY say 'Greetings!??')

Well of course I did! I was such a dutiful and obedient JW......

naw, I never said that!

Annie

JAVA

Did I miss anything?

Very well done -- how can I sign up? :)

Make "your own" JW door to door presentation...

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