When do you tell them------------

by vitty 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  vitty

  Ive been fading for a year, we moved, so I am starting to make new friends (still feels a bit strange) anyway, when or if do you tell them you belonged to a religious cult, in my case over 20 years

  Should I bother, Is it more important to me than them. Will they think im wierd if I do tell them, or if ive been friends for a long time, will they think it strange I never mentioned it

  I cant even say im religious now, thats the odd thing.

  Will it spoil new friendships if I say anything, its feels strange when ppl talk about religion and I dont say anything.

  What do you do!!!!!!!!!!
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  kls

  Vitty ,don't say anything ,there is no reason for them to know unless there comes apoint that you feel you want to tell them . You are out and that is all that matters right now.
• 

  EvilForce

  Sorry but I have to object KLS.... Witnesses are perfect examples on hiding their feelings. Not fully sharing. Deflecting true opinions. You should be open and honest with them. I'm not saying you have to say "Hi, my name is Ann and I'm a former Jo Ho." But I think it's relevant towards building a foundation. I would suspect you wouldn't want your new friends to hide things from you would you? Being a former Dub is PART OF WHO YOU NOW ARE, and why you think the way you do.
  
  I struggled for many years of keeping thoughts and feeling inside and to myself. Never letting anyone get close enough to know the real me. It stunted me socially and in romantic relationships since people would get this wall between me and them. So I say tell them as soon as it makes sense or when religion pops up in a conversation.
  
  Opposing thoughts? Views?
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  kls

  Sorry but I have to object KLS....

  Evil you can't object , what do you think this is Perry Mason ?,,,,,,,,,,sorry just kidding,,,,,,,,lol
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  jt stumbler

  This is great. Don't tell them. Accept their bible study when they offer and boom your in. See how long it will take them to discontinue once you casually debunk their thinking.
• 

  Sunspot

  Since you've been out for so long, I wouldn't bother to mention it unless it comes up in conversation somehow. Most people don't think about the WTS or what they believe, it's just not that important to them.

  I don't feel as if you'd be hiding anything.......it's like you may have been caught walking out of a store and not paying for a can of Pepsi when you were a teen. It's not who you are today. You don't have to carry all that old baggage and make things more compicated.

  hugs,

  Annie
• 

  Jez

  I agree with ya EvilForce!

  All of my close friends, know me and part of me, was/is a JW past. Sometimes I let them know just because it is enlightening to just sit back and listen to how they view it. When I say it all outloud and then just listen to them, it 'normalizes' my life for me and provides a kind of gauge about what should be and what should not be acceptable.

  "What did you get your mother for mothers day?"

  "Nothing"

  "Huh?"

  "She is a JW and has shunned me for 4 years now"

  "WHA?"

  "Yup, want to hear the story?"

  "Damn rights I do...!"

  See! It somehow always seems to come up in conversation!
• 

  Abaddon

  It depends on context;

  "Hi, my name is Bert, I used to be in a cult" - Bert is twitching, has brycreamed hair, a pocket protecter in his top pockets, and his eyes bulge slightly with earnestness.

  "Pah, a presentation isn't scarey - I grew up in a mad Cult and was giving Bible talks at seven. You do the Powerpoint slides, I'll do the talking and you can chip in" - to bloke who you work with... this happened today, by way of example...

  Tell it when it is natural.

  I've never had a negative reaction. It varies from mild interest to fascinated questions to incredulous.
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  unbeliever

  In romantic relationships I've had to. It's the only way to explain why mother is so weird. Other than that I don't tell people. Never saw the need too. If it comes up I might say something but usually not. It's worked for me.
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  AK - Jeff

  It depends on the depth of the friendship I think.

  I have had friends that knew the depth of my soul and history. I have had friends who only know me on a shallower plain!

  I think it neither makes or breaks the friendship - certainly there are things that we keep to the chest, and this may be one for you - depends on your need to share or not methinks!

  Jeff