I don't think it's about when you tell, but rather about who you tell. As far as things of the past go, I usually tell certain things to certain friends. You know/feel when people are interested in learning more about you, or when they are just self-absorbed. I'd never be afraid or ashamed to tell. Anyone who holds your past as a JW against you is not worthy of being a friend, IMHO.
When do you tell them------------
by vitty 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Abaddon
Ross
I let it come up naturally
That would be due to the kilt I take it?
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Whiskeyjack
I agree with Evil,
Friendship requires honesty and for most of us, our JW experiences have had a huge impact on our personalities and social abilities. People see it in us (in me and my siblings anyway-I'm talking friends, not aquaintances). I just try to be "matter -of-fact" about it and try to use humour when questionned or making a point in a conversation in which child-rearing or religion comes up.
A lot of people feel insecure and have doubts about their "worth" (there aren't that many self-satisfied, conceited people out there, some are just better hiding it than others) while the media is constantly telling us "normal" is. You might raise some eyebrows but I don't think you'll blow anyones' mind! There's always somebody else with an even "wierder" story.
W.
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tetrapod.sapien
ya, i think it's healthy for new friends to know about it. and yes, it is about context and trust too. but it has shaped you. others talk about things that shaped them. maybe you will meet even better friends by being open about your past. just remember, to a lot of people who don't know about cults etc, it may take some extra explaining to demonstrate how starnge your past life was. but if they are compassionate, they will see something unique in you.
i just made some new "worldly" friends. i went for some beers and a movie with them the other night. one of them said "hey, you know it's my birthday today!" and everyone including me said "oh, wow! happy birthday!". so natural, it was great. and then i felt compelled to say "you know, you're the first person i have EVER said 'happy birthday' to in my entire life". i felt it would have made for some really intersting conversation, and also complimented the person. but in the end i didn't say anything. why? i think in the context (first outing with new pals) was not right. if we had been hanging for a while already, however, i would have said it. and eventually, i am sure they will know. i mean, how can *friends* not know? if you were an ex-scientologist, surely you would explain the weirdness, even if it was just for interesting conversation sake. well, wit's are even more entertaining. good luck vitty. -
Sassy
Vitty, I play it by ear. I have made some friends who have no idea, such as my neighbors. Well they had no idea until my bf and I recently had a party and we decided to invite all our friends.. friends from work, friends who were neighbors, friends from the boards... well some from the board brought it up. My neighbors looked at me kind of shocked. I said, Oh, I guess I never told you I was a Jehovah's Witness....
but.. it was cool..
the thing is my plan is not necessarily to tell someone because people have to know.. but if it fits with a conversation and there seems to be a need for them to know.. then I do..
I haven't yet told my bf's mom.. but it is building.. on mother's day when we called her and wished her a Happy Mother's Day, she asked if my mom was still alive and I said yes.. she said OH HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOUR MOTHER.. I said.. well.. my mom doesn't do mothers day.. and I must admit I ran from it and said "Jack would tell her later".. which he hasn't.. I actually started to write her a letter to email and then my system locked up.. hmm was it a sign? lol.. so I will later..
but the thing is.. if we have to tell everyone we get to know.. to me then the WTS is still controlling us.. if we were raped, would we tell everyone we met we were? no.. well.. there are people we will tell.. and people we won't.. just do what feels right for you