by IP_SEC 183 Replies latest jw friends
Hi IP,
I sense that you feel like this was a decision that you should of made earlier. What you did you did at a time right for yourself despite what you characterize as hypocrisy. I think most of us knew it wasn't truth before we left but the exit is much harder than any of us could of expected. If such is the case then we were all willing hypocrites who couldnt assess the best way to say it wasnt us to our friends and family.
- Preston
Matt,
It takes a very spiritually strong person to do what you did. If you live in a small town like me you can do a lot of good in demonstrating Christian love to the local JW's. When they see that you are not some evil demon worshipper and actually are more open and friendly with other people it may get their thinking abilities upped a notch. I know of 2 people who have faded since I DA'd and a lot of it is because they saw how superficial the hard-core JW's are compared to real concern for other people.
Best wishes and good luck,
Bob
you have got more balls than me
Lean on all of us here. As Ross (littletoe) said, you will have difficult times ahead, but as time passes, so does the pain. We successfully faded 8 years ago, but still went through "withdrawal" and it is ongoing. For the most part, it is over for us, but it took a long, long time.
I hope your wife will stick by you and maybe see it all too. That's what happened with us. But............I wouldn't have talked to an elder about my husband. I was soooo hoping he would straighten out, but he kept telling me little things from time to time, and they stuck in my head, and I couldn't get them out. Eventually, I did my own research and found out he was absolutely right. It was pretty painful. But we are so glad now.
Hang in there.
All I can say is...good for you for doing what your heart told you to do; despite the consequences you knew might happen as a result. After the initial shock and repercussions wear off...it will be a new beginning for you.
Thinking about you...big hug...cathy l.
Matt-
It's just beginning! Fresh air and no care. Haven't thought of Frank Yerby in a long time.
peace and blessings -
IP_SEC,
I see you've done a ton of posting here since January, and I'm sure that has helped you with your decision. I posted here a lot a few years ago when I was going through what you seem to have gone through recently. This site was a real salvation. I haven't had a lot to do with this board for the past few years, though I've posted more over the last few months. Unfortunately, I haven't been following your situation, though I've read some of your posts, for sure. Your post today was a real eye-opener.
For my part, I tried to silently slip away. My wife was still a JW (still is) and other family members (including a mom) as well.
Though my wife and I tried to work things out, in the end it didn't happen, and late last year I left her for another woman. Though I'd been inactive for 10 years, the congregation still sought me out to DF me - or better - get me to DA myself. I refused to go along with either tactic, and wrote a 10 page letter to the elders explaining why I'd left the org and that I felt their action was a form of harrassment and that I'd sue them individually if they continued. Haven't heard a word from them in two months.
I write that to let you know that I've been close to where you are. Several best friend elders came to see me, including one I grew up with as though he were my brother. This last one was the one who came to my home with a new CO a few months ago after I'd left my wife. He was OK, and it was emotional between us, but the CO said some of the things to me that you heard. Where will you go? The accusations about being proud, too intelligent, too full of myself. All the bullshit you heard. It's hard to see that for what it really is after a lifetime of JW indoctrination. But you hit it exactly when you said that the god of the JWs gives you intelligence, then condemns you for using it. JWs will so quickly berate you for using your mind for anything except to parrot JW teachings.
That's what I heard from this CO, and others over the years. Don't let that get to you. You've sooo done the right thing. This CO also told me, "We wish you'd been a man and told the elders that you no longer thought of yourself as one of JWs years ago." That one totally pissed me off, and I contemplated showing him I had no trouble being a man by tossing his sorry ass right out the door, but didn't out of respect for my friend, the elder with him, who has continued to deal with me respectfully through all of this. I told the CO that I had, in fact, met with several elders during the time that I was first leaving the Witnesses, and had made clear to them that I no longer believed the JWs. What he was aiming at was why didn't I disassociate myself years ago, and I told him that I didn't want any part of a sick crime-and-punishment arrangement like the Witnesses' shunning policy.
I'm glad you've made your decision. Though I'm 20 years older than you, I understand what you're dealing with. If you have any desire to talk, just drop me an e-mail via this site. I'd be glad to call and talk with you.
I'm just beginning to realize just what a new start in life I've made. There's a lot of guilt and other emotions in leaving. I'm a multi-generational JW as well, and relatives and others will make you seem like such a poor, lost soul, and worse. Just remember, living well is the best revenge.
My best to you my friend,
Seeker4
Congratulations on doing the right thing. Though things are difficult now, they make sense, and all of your actions will conincide with what you truly beleive inside.
Sorry to hear Matt that it didn't work out the way you wanted. I personally don't agree the Elder calling a hypocrit. They don't make it easy to leave.
Take care and I hope you stay strong. There are difficult times ahead and we will be hear to hear you.
Bryan
Have You Seen My Mother
Best wishes in your future.
