My Mother died... (page 3)

evita

Hi David

I was really touched by your story. My mom died in Dec. 04 and I am still grieving very much.

My mother was a devoted dub and professed to be one of the 144,000. She was in for 30 years but I left over 20 years ago. She shunned me off and on even though I was not DF or DA.

When I look back over those years I wish I could have done something to change the situation or my response to it. For many years I was angry, hurt, and bitter because I felt I had lost so much to the witnesses. Even when my mom started speaking to me again (why, I don't know) our relationship was never the same and I carried this burden for over 20 years.

But realistically, what could I have done differently and would it really have made a difference? I was in my early 20's when I left. I needed the anger in order to gain some distance from the dubs and start a new life. I got my degree, married, had three children. All of which took enormous amounts of time and energy. As an ex-JW. I didn't know what the hell I was doing or how to do it. I had to figure it out bit by bit.

Mostly I regret that I didn't just ignore my mom's shunning and continue to tell her that I loved her and none of the rest mattered. But I allowed all the infuriating details to get in the way ( she counted time when my son was with her etc. ) I hated the fact that she believed this stupid religion and I lost having a "normal" mom. I hated the fact that I could never forget the witness "rules" lest I break one and pay the price. I hated the dub speak and the pompous elders. I hated that she professed to be of the anointed. I hated my mom for shunning me and my children. I buried my love deep down so that I could cope with my situation.

While my mom was dying she kept telling me over and over how sorry she was. I couldn't listen, it was too painful. I realized for the first time how much she suffered due to the witness beliefs and her own cognitive dissonance. What havoc one small org can wreak! I still have trouble believing how much control it had over my life and my relationship with my mom. MY MOM! I am convinced that she died after only 8 weeks because she couldn't live this way anymore.

So my mom died and I am left with this: We both did the best we could with the tools that we had. Our "cord" to the organization has been severed and none of it matters anymore. I LOVE YOU MOM!

David, thank you for sharing your story. I hope you and your Dad take comfort in your relationship with each other and your loving memories of your mom. Grieving is a long process.

Hugs, Eva

Black Sheep

Thank you for that post David.

It makes me feel better for my decision not to talk about it with my parents any more. I wish I hadn't mentioned anything in the first place.

The Truth is all they have and they are in their 80s and I really do worry about what would happen to my father if I whipped his magic carpet out from under him.

I send my sincere condolences to all of your family for the loss of your Mum.

Don't feel guilty for what you did. It wasn't your fault. It will happen again to others and it won't be their fault either. It's just a sad fact of life that affects many cult members that find out their life has been wasted by their chosen leaders.

Chris

nicolaou

My sincerest sympathies David.

I find my self in a similar situation with my Mum (my Dad has never been a JW). She is 61 and the 'Truth' is all she has. Thanks for sharing your story and giving us some valuable insight. I hope the hurt will not be too heavy to carry for you and your brother.

She must have been a wonderful Mother to raise such caring, loving and sensitive sons.

Sheryl

Dear David, Yes I know the pain, both my parents are gone. I wish I had done so many things.....it is torture. You know your mother's story could have been very different. She could have embraced the real truth....she could have thanked you and that wonderful story could have gone on for the next 20 or 30 years!!! Think how happy you would have been then. So, you see David, we can't see ahead...you did the best you knew how to do. You were hopeful and optimistic. And you had to tell her the truth. You did your best David. You did your best.

david_10

Thank you, Sheryl, for your post, I really appreciate your thoughts. Yes, you're right: it could've turned out entirely different with my Mom. My Dad and brother and myself certainly reacted in a more positive way. Of course, we regret all those lost years, but we figure "Better Late Than Never", and we're just thankful that we can spend whatever life we have left without having to answer to the brothers and the Society. We broke the Watchtower addiction, and we're so happy to have done it. But my Mom couldn't look at it that way. Something, a spark or something, just went out of her. It's a real tragedy, but it's just what happened and there's no way we could've known.

I was getting ready to say: "Welcome to the board", but I see you've been around a while. You should post more. So should I, for that matter. Well, maybe we can both try harder. Thanks again, Sheryl.

David

Hondo

david_10

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My parents are fortunately alive (Dad is 85, Mom, and mother (both of them good Catholics by the way) to 14 kids (all single births), is 84). We have a good strong family, holding a family type reunion every Christmas and keep in contact with each other numerous other times during the year. I know I'm not making your grieving any better by telling you all the good things in my life, but there is so much love and friendship between all of us, I just wanted to pass it on.

I am not a JW, but have been in and out of this forum since I lost my wife to the cult (we were divorced in 2003) a few years. I am responding to you because of your speculation that your mothers involvement with the JW's may have had something to do with her death. I bring this up because I have watched my ex-wife (she only live 20 mins from me and I see her from time-to-time) grow stronger and stronger in the ways of the WTS/JW's to a point where her whole life is virtually totally dedicated to them. She joined at the rather old age of 49 years and is now 57; she is 57 but looks 65+. She has gone from being a very beautiful woman to someone well used, who is totally immersed in the JW's, to the detriment of her own well being; she is not well, but was when we were married and happy. Quite literally, the JW's are running her ragged! She will do anything for them, at the drop of a dime! After she had joined up with them, and we were still together, she was always away cleaning a kingdom hall, or running around doing other numerous things for them, like giving rides to someone who did not have a car, plus attending meeting and doing her service work. I saw very little of her, which was one of the major factors leading to our divorce. I briefly saw her the other day (we did not talk. She refuses to associate with me anymore, even on a friendly basis) and she looked very old; much older than her age. I'm sure she is still at the WTS/JW's beckon call.

Won't ramble. Just wanted to pass on my condolences again, and agree, as sad it it may seem, that I am seeing similar circumstances that, who knows, may be leading my ex-wife down a similar path as you mother. I pray not.

kilroy2

My sympathy to you on your loss, I lost my mother 4 years ago and unless you have went thought it you cant begin to know the pain.

The society is like a bad drug, it can do damage to people who are not strong enough to get off of it. and there is no step program, you have to go cold turkey or not at all, there is not little bit of unbelieving. I have people I have known for many years, and some are arrogant and deserve the disappointment they get, others are sincere and their lives have been ruined, I would have no problem acquitting a former dubber who blew up one of the societies buildings, No I am not advocating wrong doing, just saying I would understand, some one who has given up the only life they get and now nothing, you get shit form the society, and you are 80 and can only look back and see what a load of shit it all was. I am so glad at 29 I started to see what a load of shit they were feeding us. you know shit in due season.

Mr. Kim

David,

Sorry to hear about your loss and the situation leading up to this event. I only hope that someday, Justice will be served to those that have misused and lied to so many. Millions of lives have been changed and have suffered because of lies, abuse and treachery from the ivory towers and the doctrine of men.

Kim

LoverOfTruth

Your advice is so good. As a JW, I stayed away from my "Non-JW" Mom for so many years. When I left in the Borg in the late 1980s, I began to know my mother as a my friend. What a Blessing! I lost her in December of 1999. There's not a day that goes by when I don't feel her presence.

I believe your mother is still with you too.

Golden Girl

I totally understand David. My hubby was a JW but I had quit years ago.

It seemed like I always was trying to show him how wrong they were..but it was his belief!..Since he passed away, I have often thought..what was so important about trying to taking his faith away?Show him how wrong they were.

Was I being selfish?..Him and his JW family made me miserable but it was the way they believed. It was their right.Some of the things they said to me were cruel..but that was their personality..if not religion maybe it would have been something else?.

What did I gain from it? Nothing. Just defending myself..is that selfish? I felt like it was now that he is gone. But I remember hearing someone say before..live each day like it might be your last..

I think we need to seperate religion from out family..even if they can't. Give what love they allow us to give and let them live their own lives.

If I had swallowed my pride hubby and I would have had a few more pleasant days.

The thing is..you can't change the past..but you can learn from it. What you do with that knowledge is up to you.

Hugs for your pain..Snoozy..

My Mother died...

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