I'm telling lies from the stage (page 3)

LittleToe

Danny:You've got mail.
If you've not used it before, click on "Inbox" on the top left of your screen.

There are many of us who have been where you are right now. Please be assured that you are not alone.

Cheers,
Ross.

AK - Jeff

DB - tough spot huh? Most of us have had to make similar choices, so we can help. But only you can do what you think is right.

I could not tell lies from the stage if it were me. By the time I was sure of the 'truth about the truth' I had already 'faded' out - and was viewed as 'weak'. In my case the lack of love preceded facts and I was leaving in big chunks already. So my public talks were not an issue, and were just gathering dust on the shelves. But if u have serious intention of leaving the lie - why not do so in a way that will perhaps make others think too? I wish I had - now that I look back on it.

Little Toe Da'd himself after a public talk about 'mercy'. The manuscript is on here somewhere - anyone know the link? You will lose friends either way - trust me - but cutting the cord quickly will let you get on with living.

Jeff

AK - Jeff

Little Toe - just like you to pop in right while I was mentioning your exit!!

Jeff

ballistic

Jeff I know the US is in another time zone, is that your excuse?

LittleToe

"The force is strong in this one!"

IT Support

Danny,

I can sympathise with you and the position you now find yourself in. Let me first say there are no easy answers, and irrespective of whatever you decide to do, any course of action--or even inaction, if that's what you decide--is going to be painful. However, if you value you personal integrity, the end result is definitely worth it. One further piece of advice: remember, you choose the speed of change, don't move on until you are happy with what you're currently doing.

First, take your wife into your confidence (as it sounds like you haven't yet). You may wish to break things to her gently, by saying things like, "I don't understand what this Watchtower means--I thought the Society said... etc." (Eg you might like to explain to her some things you found 'puzzling' while preparing your Flood public talk.) I'd suggest it is imperative to get her on your side and to understand that your only criteria is the truth--you simply want to do what is right. However, it may take some time, and a lot of communication, to win her round and get her to understand your new point of view. It will probably take even longer until you are able to share everything that is in your heart. But I'd suggest it's worth taking the time to lay a solid foundation for your new life together.

Second, repeat the first step with your children, if applicable.

Third, start now making new friends outside the organisation. It may be neighbours, local community groups, volunteer to help out in a local community project. But this is important because as soon as your old JW 'friends' start getting a whiff that you are cooling off, they'll drop you in an instant. One of two special friends will keep in touch with you, but prepare yourself now for the inevitable eventuality that the rest will abandon you. No need to shed a tear for their passing, for their casual abandonment will display the depth of their genuine affection for you.

Fourth, repeat step one with the rest of your JW family.

Fifth, stop going out in field service. For my last year in field service, I stopped offering magazines at all and just talked to people from the Bible, simply saying that many people found it a source of great comfort and could I share a thought with them? I used to read John 3:16 or Acts 24:15 and ask them what this meant to them, all the while being rather non-committal myself about what they meant.

Sixth, step down as an elder. If you have been successful in speaking to all your family and they at least understand your reasons and agree not to shun you if you disassociate yourself, then you can just tell the body you are leaving--they have no further hold on you.

However, if you have been less successful talking with your family, you will have to be more prudent. (If your sense of outrage at WT prohibits you remaining an elder this long, before step two tell the elders you'd like to go on 'temporary leave' to sort out some personal problems. This will give you some breathing space without constantly feeling guilty for being a hypocrite every time you're on the platform.) If you have health issues, that can be used. I personally told them that I was struggling with my belief ini God and wanted to step down to 'regain my spirituality.'

Finally, you just have to quietly fade away, for the first year miss one meeting a week, miss two meetings a week for the second year, and so on. If you really want to disappear off their radar screens, you can even move to the other side of the country and don't tell anyone in your old hall where you've gone.

Hope this helps. Feel free to ask any questions.

I'm telling lies from the stage

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