HAHA TAKE THAT U OZZIES (page 9)

tijkmo

BANGLADESH..BANGLADESH..BANGLADESH

BANGLADE-ESH..BANGLADESH..

BANGLADESH..BANGLADESH..BANGLADESH

BANGLADE-ESH..BANGLADESH..

MerryMagdalene

Heya~

Can anybody out there in Oz kindly explain the rules of cricket to me?...just so's I can join in all the fun this summer...

~Merry the Merry Can

Max Divergent

Can anybody out there in Oz kindly explain the rules of cricket to me?...just so's I can join in all the fun this summer...

You're quite right to ask Australian's rather than the English how the game's played... ;-)

As no Englishman will read this, I can give you the plain version of the Laws of Cricket... the main one is that mental anguish is to be applied to the English by any and all means whatever every two years.

Now... you know how cereberal they like to pretend to be... that means there's a certain art to really hurting them...

If you just walk out there and beat them 100 - 0 sort of thing, then they get all happy and sing and drink the night along as though it's just how things are meant to be... like at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester they just learned how to sing Advance Australia Fair and drank more... but there was no helping that...

So what you have to do is set them up*... give them confidence ... let hope sneak into their little hearts while you get used to the cold, wet, bleak misery of an English summer. If you make the decade for Bangladesh while you're at it, well that's just a bonus for regional cooperation with our SE Asian neighbours...

Now, sometimes giving them hope goes a bit wrong and they actually win somthing worth winning... like the rugby... but that was the first time in decades they got away with it (and a great bit of play right on the final buzzer sealed it). But normally it dosn't matter much if they have a better team, as they did then, we still win anyhow because they're used to loosing and we're used to winning.

Anyway, that's the abridged rules of Ashes cricket. Hope it helps.

Cheers, Max

*Only Bradman broke those rules when he decided it was better not to be beaten at all on an Ashes tour, but that was back in 1948 and Bradman was that sort of guy...

Max Divergent

Oh... and the other rules are:

Rules of Cricket
1. There are two teams. One out, one in.
2. The team that's out try to get the player that's in, out.
3. When they do get him out, he goes in.
4. Then the next player goes out. As long as he's out, he's in.
5. The object is then for the team that's out to get the second player out. When they get him out, he goes in.
6. This process is repeated for each innings until the team that's out gets the team that's in all out.
7. When the whole team is out, the team that was in goes out, and the team that was out goes in.
8. Then they play a second innings until they're all out. Except one player. He remains not out.

What's so hard about that?!?

An alternative explanation is here: http://www.cs.purdue.edu/homes/hosking/cricket/explanation.htm

ozziepost

Thanks for that, max. You dun good, mate!

You're quite right of course about gettin' their attention. we all know it's about ratings. Now that we've had to send one of us over to them to take over their media, we understand all about those things. We' know that we've gotta get the whole world interested. You never get that with a one horse race. (Perhaps that's why the merry Cans run a World series when they're the only ones in it?) So we've gotta make it look exciting even if we know they haven't a clue what they're doin'!

The poor dears haven't woken up to the lessons of history. they sent the convicts away to van Diemens Land and thought they'd be in control. Truth is, the convicts took over the prison and the rest of the world cheers. The poms will never beat the downunder mob at sport. Can't be dun, mate. No ways.

Ozzie (permanently upside-down class)

LittleToe

Condensed version of the rules is that it's a little similar to baseball but:

You run back and forth instead of on a diamond.
First base is continually loaded, and you don't exchange batsmen until one is bowled out.
Instead of aiming for three strikes, you're aiming to smash the stumps to pieces - far more gratifying!!!
A single game can take a couple of days to play (especially if weather conditions are poor), so do bring an umbrella, a thermos of tea, and some cucumber sandwiches, old boy!

There are quite a few more ruiles, but that's enough to enjoy the game.

ozziepost

Not long to the serious business now, eh? England v Australia

Waddayareckon? Shall we let 'em win the first one?

tijkmo

rofl at max and ozzie rules....and liltoes abridged

of course we here in engerland dont read anything into the results so far

cos thrashing you at the ashes is the real objective so gamesmanship and psychology aside there will be no satisfaction until we have made ricky ponting cry a la kim hughes

but even you have to admit that the bangladesh result was really really funny

good luck today....are you ever gonna need it

tijkmo of the glad 'apostates' appreciate cricket cos no-one in scottish congregations did

tijkmo

one word

steve harmison

HAHA TAKE THAT U OZZIES

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