I came to this forum a year ago with the same angst. Unfortunately, my wife has only become increasingly more involved and devout in the organization. Slowly but surely, she is following all of the rules, eliminating all people from her life besides jws. The jws told me that I would see benefits to the marriage and our family due to her being involved. There are no benefits, unless you enjoy being neglected. Personally, I'm planning my exit strategy, because I can't beat these people. I've tried for 5 years. Sorry.
how to live with JW
by freefly 32 Replies latest social relationships
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jgnat
Well spoken, georgefoster:
The jws told me that I would see benefits to the marriage and our family due to her being involved. There are no benefits, unless you enjoy being neglected.
JW's truly believe this because they assume anybody who is not a JW is involved in drug-addled drunken orgies.
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ESTEE
him and I had seperated??????
Sheesh, I'm sorry to hear he has started to study. Always difficult when one partner in a marriage arbitrarily decides he is changing course without consulting with the other.
So the separation I'm referring to is a separation of paths. The two of you are on different life paths now ... unless you convert or he stops his studies with the jws... And I'm certainly not suggesting that you do convert. Each person must be true to their own Self. I suspect that your husband has "converted" to jw out of fear ... and since his mom is jw, she has instilled the fear in him since birth and the FEAR has been resurrected since 9-11. He had to be receptive to be taught this fear stuff, though. JW is a religion of big time FEAR.
Nothing is going to be the same for the two of you now. He is going to try and convert you for the rest of your days. That is his "purpose" he is told from the platform and from the jw publications. His "purpose" is to convert "save" anyone and everyone who will listen and especially his partner. Or he won't be "saved". Any resistance on your part will be perceived as "persecution". Stupid belief system, I know ... that is all they know. It is the brainwash they receive every day of their lives.
Get some therapy for yourself ... or the two of you ... if he is willing to accompany you. You might suggest it would help both of your transitions into this "new" way of life. I'm sending you both loving healing energy!
Love and light
ESTEE
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BluesBrother
Sincere condolences firefly . This is an awful situation.
Basically this man is stuffed . He is between the proverbial rock and a hard place. He cannot afford to seperate. The witnesses would not have him as a baptised member if he withdrew from his children . I am afraid that ex unmarried partners do not count for anything in their eyes but children do . He is obliged to be the best father that he can . As others have said, "housemates" is not acceptable either . So he cant progess to be a Witness and is unhappy at home as well. It is a no win situation.
I would have expected him to give you a proposal of marriage. That would regularise the situation , before God and the law, according to J W teaching. I know that you are an "unbelieve" and that J W's do not marry unbelievers, but you are his long term partner and this is the normal response to the problem, leaving him then clear to "progress to baptism . Since he has not done so, I guess you must draw your own conclusions.
There has been some good advise here. I particularly like that of Garybus. Perhaps you could feign interest . Read and study with them so as to use their own arguments and books against them, rather than outside material
My only comforting thought is that "911 Bible Studies" rarely stay the course. They usually realise that the world is not passing away, just yet . Then they pick up the old life again.
living with a devoted and blinkered witness is not easy, as many of us here know only too well.. Good luck! and keep us informed..
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Why Georgia
Hi Freefly -
Been there
Done that
Bought the t-shirt &
Sold the movie rights....
With that said. I am still married to my husband who went back to the KH and in the beginning put me through absolute hell and mental anguish that I am sure you can relate to.
It's been 7+ years for me and my husband is just now stating he doesn't consider himself a Jehovahs Witness any longer.
I notice he gets all wierd though whenever his mother interferes in our relationship and she will just not give up. I hate her.
We have 2 sons and I have laid down the line in the sand that they will not be taught anything about the WTS or I will leave and he will not see us again. He knows I am a woman of my word.
If I can be of any help please feel free to send me a private message - I know how stressful living in this kind of situation can be. Sometimes you just want to run away and other times you want to scream at them for being so stupid and bringing this crap into your life.
Big hugs to you,
WG
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AllAlongTheWatchtower
I'm a newbie to this whole JW-in-my-marriage scene, so I will leave that to the more knowledgable. Outside of the JW part of it though, I saw a red flag as soon as you said 'partner of 26 years" No offense to you if it indeed is your personal preference to remain unmarried for some personal or philosophical reasons, but I have a hard time believing that someone (your mate) raised in a conservative organization like the JWs would share that preference. Someone so indoctrinated usually tends to keep the belief system and/or moral values of their upbringing, even when they are not active in the organization. (The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.) In other words, it seems to me that he would have wanted to marry you long before this...unless there's something going on that you don't know about. (A JW spouse who refused to divorce or something of that nature? Or perhaps he felt all along that if he was married to a "nonbeliever" his bridges would be burned?)
At any rate, it seems to me that him rejoining the JWs is just your newest problem, not the only problem.
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love2Bworldly
Wish you much luck in a very difficult situation. My advice would be to stick around for a while--maybe he will lose that post-911 fear that another poster mentioned. And I like the idea to feign interest but question every single belief. Hope things work out for you for your best interests.
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Seeking Knowledge
Been there
Done that
Bought the t-shirt &
Sold the movie rights....
My thoughts exactly. Mine did the same thing, all behind my back until it was too late. It's not easy, I never stood a chance, also behind my back was a new JW girl that he married. If he's determined to get back with them, you will have a hard time convincing him otherwise, but you do sound like you have your head on straight. How old are your kids?? Old enuff to make up their own minds?? I wish you the best of luck. It sucks to lose something to this organization, and to be treated like a pariah for not believing along with them.
I totally empathize with you!!
SK
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Aude_Sapere
Honesty -
**..blinded by the WitchTower Babble and Trick Society.**
hehehe
Thanks for the giggle!!!
-Aude. -
freefly
how does one reply- ???? you all have overwhelmed me...!!
I'm used to another board where you have the choice to reply to individual posts, and are notified with e-mail message linking to a reply from post you have made...........??
Thanx for sharing your thoughts..........your personal advice is taken without any blinders up and will seriously take time to absorb..
re: > In the end, you BOTH have to work together. I wish you well as you sort out what you will need to do for your own peace and sanity. He has made this bed for himself, so he must lie in it, I feel. Any chance you can kick him out? (forgive me for being blunt). Maybe he can go and live with his mother, so she can cook and wash for him, as well as think for him. I wish I had better advice for you. / Try to get out of there as gently as possible, without beating yourself up trying to change him as that will do a lot more damage to you, and we don't want that./ The alienation of affection was cripplingly painful, as well you know. They are taught that outsiders are alienated from God, so divorcing their emotions from their partner is just one of the coping mechanisms that are incurred. They are also reinforced regularly in their choice, but all the meetings they attend./ My advise? Go with him. Don't let him get away from you. That's what he wants. Every time the car goes, be in it. Openly be critical of the group when it's appropriate. Make sure the Witness people don't like you. Learn some of their problem areas and ask Witness people about those. --Things like the UN issue and the sex offender policies and law suits. Make you and him as a "couple" undesirable to the Witness people. If they shun you, they will shun you as a couple. That blocks the love bombing. Now he can't get his rewards. Don't let then isolate him. They will try. Be his shadow. /You will need to fight your mother in law. She's your enemy. Never fight him. Only her. As for myself,I don't want to have anything to do with the religion anymore but my wife wants to remain loyal no matter what. It's a tough situation here too but I'm not giving up./ His new friends would have to deal with you as a flesh-and-blood reality rather than as an abstraction./ There is another danger, even if you separate. Your partner and your mother-in-law will do their best to indoctrinate your children and separate them from you as well. /Their pattern is well-established. They won't tell you they are doing it, they will do it behind your back. You need a strategy to deal with that. Don't get blind-sided again. / If he wants to become a JW so he can survive Armageddon he is a selfish twit. 99.9% of JW's are only a JW because they think loyalty to the Governing Body of JW's is going to give them their salvation when Jesus really returns./ The Governing Body, The elders, members of the congregation, his mother, Jehovah, and even the children will come before you. /If he truly loved you, he wouldn't want to dispose of you because some bullshit invisible god told him to./Personally, I'm planning my exit strategy, because I can't beat these people. I've tried for 5 years. Sorry./The jws told me that I would see benefits to the marriage and our family due to her being involved. There are no benefits, unless you enjoy being neglected. / He is going to try and convert you for the rest of your days. That is his "purpose" he is told from the platform and from the jw publications. His "purpose" is to convert "save" anyone and everyone who will listen and especially his partner. Or he won't be "saved". Any resistance on your part will be perceived as "persecution". Stupid belief system, I know ... that is all they know. It is the brainwash they receive every day of their lives./ Perhaps you could feign interest . Read and study with them so as to use their own arguments and books against them, rather than outside material/ Sometimes you just want to run away and other times you want to scream at them for being so stupid and bringing this crap into your life./At any rate, it seems to me that him rejoining the JWs is just your newest problem, not the only problem./ It sucks to lose something to this organization, and to be treated like a pariah for not believing along with them./ **..blinded by the WitchTower Babble and Trick Society.**/I would recommend that you get the book Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz.It explains a lot of the inner workings of the WTS as well as many of their false doctrines plus it's written in a clear,easy way to read well thought out and many points to make a person reason with his mind./All people exposed to the Witness group for any length of time and ALL children of Witnesses suffer post exit syndrome if they leave the group. If that is not treated, they will (one) self destruct. (two) return to the group, or (three) live a life of crisis and conflict. If they are sick of three they do two. If they are sick of three and can't do two they do one. Some bounce three, one, two. Some escape into addictions and many die a lonely death./Can you leave out various short articles from this site, like the United Nations thing, etc., in the hope that he might read them?>
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