how to live with JW (page 3)

TooOpinionated

We all feel for you. Take any strength you can from this board, and know that we are all pulling for you.

Teresa

Yeah, freefly. Keep in touch. I am rooting for you on the sidelines. Every one who triumphs over the Watchtower gives us all hope. There are a few here who have succeeded. The guys come to mind, but there are others. They get quieter after their triumph, perhaps a bit of emotional exhaustion catches up. There's Winston and another husband who squeaked his wife out, and Check_Your_Premises is giving his elders a run for their money.

homesteader

What a quandary you are in! Do you love him? If not, it's not worth the fight for you or the kids. Don't put them or yourself through it. There's no way to make sense of it....I was a faithful jw for 25 years and regret all the years my children had to hear me and their "unbelieving" dad fight over it. I'm still apologizing to them for missed years of an intact family and their childhood. Your in my prayers. Find someone that treats you like a million bucks....there's a lot of great people around, you deserve to be happy.

freefly

re: Homesteader- >>What a quandary you are in! Do you love him? If not, it's not worth the fight for you or the kids. Don't put them or yourself through it. There's no way to make sense of it....I was a faithful jw for 25 years and regret all the years my children had to hear me and their "unbelieving" dad fight over it. I'm still apologizing to them for missed years of an intact family and their childhood. Your in my prayers. Find someone that treats you like a million bucks....there's a lot of great people around, you deserve to be happy.<< ______________________________________________________________________ You are lovely, thank you so much from my heart- most honest reply I have read, you rawk I've spent months preparing- mostly writing down how I feel, how I feel towards him- what I see in him, is not honesty or integrity, I do not even feel him to be a man, more a weakling, actually scum, deceit,--- I write in huge bold letters over and over- expressing all my rage ...I have allowed him to walk all over me and our children with his boots. This is not the man I thought I knew.....(his innermost person) This is a boy full of fear without the strength to cope with life. He has wrapped himself into a robe, protecting himself and his core belief...(he has become "unworldly"....what a sleeezy cop out) ---- I have experienced something new...I've discovered what it feels like to DiSPISE... He has made his bed- I will surely not miss the opportunity to stay around for awhile- to watch him live in it.....(with pleasure) All the pages (phone book thick) I've written down of my feelings towards him- he is not even worthy of having me express to him. Simply put- he is not worthy (not unworldly) I am so fortunate my youngest just left home! Timing couldn't be more perfect- they are adults- I am a beautiful woman with a huge heart and a full life ahead of me SMiles

jgnat

My, you are an empowered woman! I sense the freedom already. He'll do OK on his own, then. If he is worried about making ends meet, let the Watchtower (and mama) take care of him.

Mr Rocky

Hi Freefly, I would tend to believe that your significant other is using your need for love to entice you to a new JW relationship with him. In other words he withholds what you need tell he gets what he wants. Old tactic in many relationships. He would like to convert you before he marries you. This would be the ultimate win for him. As marring an unbeliever will be frowned upon and slows fast qualification to many JW privileges. These privleges will then take time from your family life.

What to do?

I believe that if you don't want to convert (obviouly not) you will have a miserable life with this Jerk. He will use this "theocratic warfare" on you from now on!

Wouldn't it be interesting to start going out everytime he goes out to the meeting, See if he cracks first. Or ask to have him stay with the kids for your night out because you had to watch them on meeting nights? If your kids are young. One would have to be careful here though for the kids sake. Don't uses them as a pawn. Proably the best would be to take the kids to the movies without him. Go to all movies that expose cults. Educate them on mind control. Show them silentlambs.org and the news shows there.

Educating yourself on JW stuff is probably a waste of time and a daunting task.It took me 4 years to study my way out of them biblically. I had to litterly prove they weren't connected to god. I had to condition my mind continuiosly to think out of their box.. That maybe because I grew up in the teachings. My wife on the other hand left because of their lack of love, deciding it on her emotions and within minutes.

By the way your sex life will also change. Don,t expect to ever be satisfied again!

Mr Rocky

I just saw that your kids are older. Don't let that stop you from educating them because he will start in on them next!

AuntieJane

So, Freefly, it appears you have what it takes to get out of the situation, and I am SO glad your kids are not

little ones. SO, now when do you make the big leap out? You say you are staying around to watch him live

this JW life...how long is that going to be?

Just curious, I do wish you all the best,

AuntieJane

freefly

He feels as a JW that, as we are not married (=sin God will judge fornicators and adulterers/God wills that you obstain from fornication) After 26 yrs. of relationship without marriage- without guilt or fear, our children bear no emotional scars, we had no need to "please" a God....he now feels our relationship is "fornication" and has been all those years. According to his belief being married now to please his God is what he wants. I do not feel our relationship in the past was a sin- and will not marry him for his belief. He states it is o.k. for us to still live together under 1 roof as long as we do not have any sexual relation...hugs, kisses, touching,......etc. He states he is not baptised JW yet. He sleeps downstairs, I sleep up (6 months now) and does not want us to separate (reason we cannot afford it- paying rent for 2 higher than our morgage on home.)

Meanwhile for me to share a house with him under his stated conditions, I decided that also includes: separate eating times, separate social life, separate visits with our children, separate grocery shopping, separate laundry, ....no sexual relations= no sharing of feelings, no caring, no emotions, no honest communication. I have made everyone we know aware of how we stand as a couple without his knowledge. Even his friends had no idea- and were shocked- he not only has separated our relation/ but separated himself from all who previously were considered "his friends."

House is in both our names, car is in both our names, debt is in both our names, bank accounts in both our names. I am very aware of what I can afford and he has no control over us separating, he actually thinks he does. I have had meetings with our bank, been to legal councel, and very well aware and prepared for our separation. Re: as we are not married we do not have to deal with the divorce act. The Family Relations Act ("FRA") is a statute passed by the British Columbia government.(Canada) Families where the spouses are not married to one another deal with FRA (to deal with custody, access and support) and the general law of trusts (to deal with property division). In addition to issues involving custody, access and support, the FRA also deals with division of property, restraining orders, orders preventing disposition of assets, and orders for the exclusive occupation of the family home, among other things.

His idea that due to his religion we have no sexual relations- is considered without a doubt mental cruelity and I have no problem providing sufficient evidence of mental cruelty. So in his mind mental cruelty is considered "good works." Anyhow, I am in the process with FRA and waiting on court dates--- and especially his receiving of papers. According to legal councel, I will have exclusive occupation of our family home- he will be moving out (no doubt in with his JW mother) The process will take time, and I can leave my home at any time, have friends and relatives offering place for me to stay until court dates, paper work complete- but I choose to stay and watch him lay in his own bed. My business is based in our home- I am secure in my own finances...and now have a separate account not in his name.I Have enough money in RRSP's in my name to buy out his portion of the home/and separate our debt, do not rely on his support financially although legally he will be paying monthly support to me in the future.

So- in answer to your question about the big leap out-

He infact will be making the "big leap out" ....

SMiles

kls

Good for you Freefly

how to live with JW

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