Maybe those married to JW's will understand my feelings today

by Why Georgia 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Why Georgia

  This week I had the priviledge of getting together with some ex-jw's on 2 different occasions.

  During the week a friend that I know from email and an ex-jw support email group came to my area for a work conference. It was so great to finally meet her and talk. I brought my husband and kids along and everything went great. She has her life really going well and she hasn't become one of the crazy ex-jw's that I have met. You know...I like to call them the ranting fanatics.

  Then Saturday night we went and had dinner - hubby, me, 2 boys - with people my husband knew from his old hall. They are disassociated by their actions because they had a wreath on their door around the holidays...and it wasn't even a Christmas wreath. Also very nice people who have things going well for them. None of their kids are rapists, murderers, drunk drivers. They both have jobs and are super nice. They are very moral and not hurting anyone. They have moved on. They lost all their lifelong friends when they left and don't even want to hear about the JW's because after they left they researched and now feel as though they were duped all those years.

  So after these 2 meetings my Darling Husband and I are talking and he was asking questions about the UN scandal and about the people we had seen this week.

  We were talking...okay, mainly I was talking about how to me the JW's aren't right as far as being a Christian Organization and why I still want no part of them...

  My husband responded that even though he doesn't want to talk to any elders or go to meetings - he feels Jehovahs Witnesses are the only people on earth doing what they are doing and living in accordance with the Bible... so they must be right. His explaination was a little longer - but that was the jist of it.

  It left me feeling very discouraged and I feel like he is going to eventually go back. Probably not anytime soon, but I would bet Las Vegas money that he will start studying again or go to a memorial.

  I feel very sad because I really want him to feel as I do about the JW's. I want him to stop defending them and saying good things about them. I want us to be on the same page about this and until we are I don't feel that we are really doing okay.

  We've been together over 7 + years and I just feel like this stupid religion is always going to be between us.

  I know some will say I could just let this all go and not freak out if he goes back to the hall or becomes active in the org again...but honestly I could not live with him if he went back. I wouldn't trust him or the ineveitable people that would come around...I'd be angry all the time.

  I also know we've come a long way. He will now look at the so - called Apostate websites and information I show him. He will discuss things with me and I can be calm and not become maniacal in my arguements - the boys medical decisions are all up to me. So these are positive things.

  I'm just feeling sad about his statement.

  Thanks for letting me share this I think the people on this site are truly some of the only ones who may understand what I am feeling.

  WG
• 

  Elsewhere

  Thanks for letting me share this I think the people on this site are truly some of the only ones who may understand what I am feeling.

  That's what we're all here for.
• 

  M.J.

  I would be SO happy to be at the point you're at, but you've already put in your time!

  My wife is still gung-ho about the org, so I really understand your feelings. Hey I didn't get nothin for Father's Day.

  Hey the wool has been pulled off of his eyes. But there is still the emotional attachment which takes time to get over. Maybe you can take him to a Bible Student meeting or a Christadelphian meeting and have him discuss their doctrines and practices. Also have him talk to an ex-member of another cult and he'll find that they all went through a period of the same self-doubts after they left. PM me for more specific ideas...
• 

  LittleToe

  Glad you felt you could share

  At least his feet are the right side of the KH doorway. He'll never be in EXACTLY the same place as you, but give him time. Has he read "Crisis of Conscience" yet?

  (((hugs)))
• 

  TheListener

  I hear ya Why Georgia.

  It's amazing how fragile we can be.

  My mate is totally in right now. She knows it's not perfect, but doesn't see anything better - of course she wouldn't even think of looking for something better. However, even with this there are times when she will do or say something very enlightened. I used to get very excited and hopeful that one day she would leave the borg. Of course, the next day or week she will do something very borgish and I would feel dejected. It's a rollercoaster.

  I've decided that she has to make her own course. I don't get excited about advances or declines in her borgocity. I am grateful for whatever headway in freedom I've made.

  Hopefully if your husband goes back he knows where you stand and won't pressure you or expect you change; and he should be ok with that.

  Has he read Ray Franz book CoC yet? That may help him see some of the more serious flaws. Also reading Steve Hassan's book Captives of a Concept (is that right?) may help.

  Good luck.
• 

  Check_Your_Premises

  Ditto MJ.

  Count your blessings. At least he will consider negative aspects of the org.

  He probably has a lot of fears keeping him in place. Do you know what those might be? Have you addressed those?

  Along with the ones MJ suggested, I would recommend the WOrld Wide Church of God denominations. They are JW clones. Go to www.thercg.org. These guys even beleive in abstaining from blood transfusions as "an administrative matter".

  I think it is good for dubs to see just how many groups teach the exact same doctrines, and use the Bible in the exact same ways. The doctrine is a big part of their "claim" of divine appointment.

  Also there are books on freeminds.org to help refute some of the jw teachings.

  Sorry if this is stuff you already know.
• 

  Netty

  None of their kids are rapists, murderers, drunk drivers. They both have jobs and are super nice

  LOL! The witlesses always talk about what an awful ax murderer everyone becomes when they leave the truth.

  We've been together over 7 + years and I just feel like this stupid religion is always going to be between us.

  Hang in there ok, this may not be true. My hubby, in years past, would always say the same thing to me. Now he knows better. Give your hubby more time, and keep doing what you're doing. Subtly point things out to him. He's thinking.
• 

  tetrapod.sapien

  (((((georgia)))),

  i am in a similar situation. i feel your pain. i also think that what you are already doing is great, and is probably as much as any of us could do. so keep up the good work with your husband.

  i wish you all the best,

  TS
• 

  kls

  It left me feeling very discouraged and I feel like he is going to eventually go back.

  That is the clincher , there are no guarantees that they will never go back even knowing the true facts of the cult.

  Sorry Georgia ,i am married to a jw and can't even think what it would be like to have a loved one out only to go back.I guess only time will tell.
• 

  hubert

  Also reading Steve Hassan's book Captives of a Concept (is that right?)

  The author of this book is Don Cameron. It can be found on line, at www.lulu.com or type in Captives of a Concept.

  Very good book. I downloaded it on line for 5 bucks, and read it.

  It will prove that the Watchtower Publishing Company is NOT the "Faithful and Discreet Slave Class".

  Hubert