by Apostanator 22 Replies latest social family
So sorry to hear about how your family is treating you.I have been dealing with some shunning problems and I am not df'd or da'd....so I kinda understand the PTSD thing here.
I think rereading Scully's post is the way to go
Taking control back of your life is important...Your family is very toxic....There is a book about toxic people...sorry can't remember the title, but maybe that will help....
I have had a few counseling sessions myself....they were wonderful!
take care,
Codeblue
Apostanator, hang in there....you need to be with your mother right now...take advantage of the time you have. The time will come later to tell them exactly how you feel.. I remember my mom coming to see me in the hospital after I'd had my first son. I was DF'd, and after she held the baby and had pics taken, she told me that she'd not see me again until I returned to the truth.....that hurt like hell....but that's what they are taught..Just be with your mother, and focus on her.
Delilah
I have had very similar circumstances. I was very very tempted to let them have a piece of my mind. However it has proven better to be the best person I can be and offer to do all I can to assist. This will defuse the hostility. They may still comply with the abusive shunning but thye are less likely to be insulting. They may also be reconsidering the point of the abuse.
You know personally, the topic i started on the comunication with the disfellowshipped, it is my sister and my mother, hate being trapped between all that, personally I am Catholic, proud of it, would never push all that on you. I don't understand how the jw can judge and pick and choose with whom you speak or associate with out of their congregation. I also believe god has chosen your family, you with the guidance of what conscience you have choose your path. You will deal with the consequences when it is time to own up. So personally this whole jw stuff for me in confusing, my mom had us try to be involved as kids, never bit it off cause it made me nervous some of the teachings. Anyway, stand strong your heart and conscience will tell you what to do.
Don't let them carry out this psychological warfare against you don't be over understanding and emotionally close to them look what sort of problems they are causing you with their attitude. Why should they make you need to see a therapist and spend money on her?
There is no way to prevent them from 'carrying out their psychological warfare'. The way to win (or at least feel the victor) is to understand it and be the one in control of the situation. This is accomplished by asserting your humanity in a way that defies their expectation. By being kind and rising above the slander you are empowering yourself in a way greater than flying off the handle or running away from situations in which you are needed. I'm no longer an advocate of aggressively trying to expose or refute the WT to loved ones. It simply creates too much turmoil inside and so very rarely accomplishes your objective. I also do not (and never have) advocate being a sponge for abuse. We all have the right when being reviled to object and express our hurt and anger. But we are doing this because we want the abuse to end and not be repeated, therefore doing it smart and calmly is just good strategy.
Yeah it's a tough call; I like what Scully says, but I also like the people who say, to kill them with kindness. I intend to stay in lifetime contact with the people who shun me; just occasionally including them on the email list when I send out general news about my life. If they ever tell me to stop doing that, I'll leave them alone with the final thought, that 'I have already forgiven you'. I know they're not in control of their lives or thoughts, and if they ever do question the wisdom of how they treated me, they might remember that it's okay, I've already forgiven them. Meanwhile life is for the living, and I'll be getting on with mine.
The problem is that everyone is different and reacts to situations in their own manner. My mother for example has a rocky relationship with my DF'd sister. I have never been DF'd (to my knowledge any way) but I have never held back in telling my mother the way I feel. I've told her that being raised as a JW was one of the worst things that has ever happend to me. I've told her that the WTBS are false prophets. She still maintains our relationship. You never know how some one will react. No one on these forums knows your family better than you do. All we can do is speculate and give your our experiences.
Apostanator,
Your mom really won't need you that long if she really is that sick. Your kindness and love is real, their motives are to free up some of their time so that they can go to the meetings. Remember JWs do NOT take care of their own, no time for it, no compassion for it.
Great you are going to therapy, I did too. It made me stronger. My mother had a brain stroke and got Dimentia. She fell two Christmas mornings ago and her brain swelled, she slipped into a coma and died. It is a hard time to see your parents in trouble, it makes one see their own mortal frailties and a reminder that time is short (not because of the end, but because we ALL die eventually).
Hang in there. You are right to save YOUR sanity and save YOUR life! That is NOT being selfish at all! I wish you well.
out of the box
out of the box,
Thanks for your kind words.
