troubled,
As I said once to you before, you are at stages many of us have hit before. I, too, remember the 'don't-belong-anywhere' feeling vividly. I was an elder at the time. As biblexaminer says, it was very hard to keep doing parts all while knowing something was seriously wrong.
What could you do about it? Well, you could immediately short-circuit this stage by going to the elders with your doubts and news from these web sites. We both know the response, of course: sudden and immediate "interest" in you, whereas before you've been ignored. Ask yourself why this is. Why do the elders basically ignore you until you start having doubts, and then they pounce on you? Why do you hesitate to even tell your husband about these things? Why has this information been so 'demonized' by WTS statements? Since when is knowledge, truth, and accountability so harmful to a person?
So you have us here who tell you to do whatever you want to do, and we'll support your choice. On the other side are the elders and the WTS who tell you not to even think about things that you read here. Shut it out of your mind and focus solely on what they teach. You and I know which choice is more appealing -- you're still here, and you haven't approached the elders. We know. We've been there.
Once again I will remind you that we have gone through this, and these stages do pass, and it does get better. There is something priceless about truth, the whole truth, no matter the consequences to our lives. It's something about self-respect. And using our "whole minds."
Keep doing what you want, and learning what you want, and keep posting your thoughts. We will always be here.