Being a JW mother, I really don't understand how these women do it.

by Dragonlady76 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • crazyblondeb
    crazyblondeb

    Since I was the oldest of 5 kids, I had most of the responsibility of taking care of them. That included meals and usually getting a couple of them ready. My mom suffered from severe clinical depression. My stepdad would say something, she'd twist it and go back to her bedroom, where she spent most of my childhood and teen years.

    I don't know how many times we were "tapped" for not paying strict attention or taken outside. Especially the younger ones. I did what i could to save them from it.

    My mom coped with it by hiding in her bedroom for years. My stepdad slept on the couch.

    shelley

  • Thegoodgirl
    Thegoodgirl

    Ah the memories. Mom wouldn't even let us look at the Bible Stories Book. If that's not the book that the speaker is discussing, then we had no business looking through it. We couldn't even play that game where you count the number of times the speaker says "Jehovah" or "Bible" and make a mark on your paper each time. We could only take good old fashioned notes. And even resting my head on mom's shoulder, she would wait about 5 seconds, then shrug her shoulder to get my head off so I would sit up and pay attention. She was a single mother of three girls, and she too would spend many meetings crying, either at the meeting or when she got home. Usually because the sisters wouldn't talk to her or because she felt she wasn't living up to Jehovah's standards. Anyway, we were those kids so well behaved, you would be scared (to whoever wrote that!) My non JW uncle told me that just last year. He said we were so well behaved, it was unnatural, and they wondered what was up.

  • Netty
    Netty

    I have often thought about this too, as both my kids were born after the fade. My mom had 5 kids, all within 6 years of each other. WHen she started attending the oldest was 7, and the youngest was 1. Just imagine that. And she did not have any help from my father to get us ready.

    As I tried to go back to meetings one time, that is what kept me away. I was just too tired, and it was difficult to try and not only get two small ones dressed and ready, but I would get so nervous during the meeting, if they acted up or cried. Which of course they did often, as small as they were.

    That is one good thing about the church where I sometimes go now. There is a daycare for the little ones, and Sunday school for the older ones. They can play on the playground, they get snacks, play games watch cartoons. What a difference.

    T

  • georgefoster
    georgefoster
    This is one of the truest saddest threads.

    Amen.

  • homesteader
    homesteader

    I appreciate all the experiences that have been shared on this thread...albeit sad. For years after leaving jw's the most guilt i carried was what i put my kids through. it feels good that i'm not alone. now i can't believe the extent of the mind control that we were all under. i had four children and i look back and don't know how i ever did it. my oldest daughter has 3 under 7 years and she can't figure out how i got them all fed, dressed for meetings and got them to sit still. i don't know either. i remember feeling like i was under so much pressure from what others thought and tried so hard to be the perfect sister....studies and research done. i really regret beating the hell out of my second child who is a boy. he had terrible ear infections so would cry a lot. i didn't realize what was wrong, just was doing what the older sisters told me they did with their children. in retrospect, it was just a plain nightmare that i regret. service was another story. i'm also so relieved not to have to attend all those meetings. i love staying home in the evenings and relaxing. my children are so forgiving, but i see scars that will always be there. thanks again for sharing everyone.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    I can remember two "incidents" that really stand out in my mind. I was a single mother with three kids.

    One time, at the KH, when my youngest son was 2.5 yrs old, he was sitting on my lap. Now....I had been attempting to train him not to get up for drinks of water during the meetings like a good little witless parent. During this particular meeting, there was a WHOLE ROW directly behind us with an elder and his family seated therein. Also, during this meeting, my youngest was facing forward and began kicking the back of the seat in front of us, so I turned him sideways on my lap. Then he began whispering that he wanted a drink of water. I told him, "No," several times and when that didn't deter him, I began swatting his leg everytime he asked to get a drink, also, telling him, "No," each time. Soon his leg was turning red, even though I had not hit him hard, just enough to emphasize that I meant what I said. Finally, he heaved a huge sigh and putting his arm around my neck, he pulled my head down to face him, looked me in the eye and said in a VERY loud stage whisper, "I said I want a drink of WATER!" This wiped out the row of elder and fam behind us. I gave up and got up to take him for that drink.

    Another time, there was one week in January that almost wiped us out of field service. At least, I figured that's what the demenz were tryin' to do to us. To begin with, I had slipped on my back steps and fallen on my tail bone, which put my spine out of kilter, causing me to develop bursitis in my left hip, so I had begun using a cane. At the beginning of the week, my youngest was bitten on the left eye by a dog and I had to rush him to the emergency room. During the week, my oldest son phoned from phys ed at school to tell me he had been playing basketball barefoot in the gym and broke his toe, so off to the ER we went yet again and then we had one with a cane, one with a dog bite and one on crutches. The next day, my daughter phoned from the babysitters to tell me that she had jumped off the furniture and the arch of her foot had landed on a cup and it was broken. Off to the ER again and another one on crutches. So now we have one with a cane, one dog-bitten, and two on crutches. Then my youngest son was racing through the house, tripped over his own feet and fell over a space heater, burning his left arm, left side and left thigh. Off to the ER again. So now we were one with a cane, one dog-bitten and burn-bandaged, and two on crutches. Did this stop us from going out in field service? Nooooooooooway, though we were a sight to make yer eyes sore, I'm sure. I hate to even think about how stupid that was. We were a spectacle everywhere we went. A carload of crips.

    Frannie

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Frannie-That made me laugh.

    I almost could cry reading this thread. When my kids were little I made all the meetings for I was trying for reinstatement, and my ex was a huge man and would hit me. He did not go to meetings but treated me like crap if I did not go with the babies. So with a two year old and a new born I would go and try to listen and nurse the baby. Get water drinks, change pampers and boune the baby take notes and all the time smile when nobody came to help...because I was the DF'ed one.

    Strange, DL, I have no idea how or why I did it. Just knew I was told to so I had to figure it out. I did 3 years of this alone, through beatings, through hiding for fear of being hunted down by him, through a divorce and then after no help at all from any of them they decided to reinstate me? Makes me want to squelch bile just thinking of it. I cannot believe I groveled to them.

    That is love alright.. NOT

  • Dragonlady76
    Dragonlady76

    Sparkplug you have a PM.

  • juni
    juni

    I raised 4 children in the religion. It was very hard. You had to be very
    organized! Being so busy helped me to keep the weight off. I wish I 
    could go back in time and do things differently, but obviously can't change
    things. I can relate to all that you said. Now that I'm on the other side I see 
    things differently and in a more balanced way. Fortunately, my family has good
    times together - children are adults and married and I have many grandchildren.
  • juni
    juni

    Only Frannie so far is older than me. Remember Frannie when all we had to use

    were Pampers for disposable diapers. They leaked terribly! So I brought cloth diapers

    to assemblies. What a joy! Usually we had no place to change baby at the DAs. All of

    these comments are bringing back very bad memories.

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