"College, oh no!" PT 1-New guy here

by theundecided2004 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  crazyblondeb

  Welcome!! Didn't it feel good to let some of it out?? I was molested by my stepdad, who was a MS. My mom knew and looked the other way.

  Look forward to getting to know you better!

  shelley
• 

  potleg

  Welcome, I registered here and then lurked for a while, but then I decided to start posting and it is great . It really helps me to "vent"some of my pent up feeling. I think you'll find lots of us had similar experiences to you. One of the great things about being here is that there alwas somebody who's been in a similar situation and lots of good folks with excellent advice. Keep your posts coming.
• 

  grissom

  But still no reason to doubt the faith...until I was molested by an older boy in the congregation. He was the son of my dad's friend, and every time I was dropped off there I knew what to expect. I couldn't say anything to my parents, what would they think of the trouble I caused? I thought, "my father will blame me, whip me!" "I'll ruin the parents' relationship!" I'll smear the older brother's name!" My disposition changed, I grew angry, confused, betrayed by G-D. After all the good I had done, his spirit left me, as a young child, with it seemed no one and nothing to turn to, except him. So, I never spoke of it after 2-3 years of the ordeal (ended when I was about 7) until I was 16. At that point, it was a non issue with my parents, just as long as I wasn't gay. I bitterly submerged myself more and more into the JW lifestyle for refuge.

  I have problems with these statements like "I couldn't say anything to my parents". And statements like these that end up misrepresenting the organization. Many people think that there is a problem in the organization with abuse and not doing anything about it. However it is not the organization that is not doing or teaching anything about it, it is the people within and their misconceptions (I'd say too with the Catholic Church)

  Many years ago I dated a sister who told me that when she was in her teen years, her older step brother, the son of her step father who
  was an elder, had molested her while all were living together. She ended up telling a friend of hers and the friend told her to go to the elders. Her step brother was disfellowshipped and he had to move out of the house. However when she wanted to pioneer about that time, she was denied that privilege. The reason being is that pioneers are supposed to hate unrighteousness. Allowing, unrighteous to continue is showing complicity in it. By not immediately halting the incidences by reporting them, she showed that she did not hate unrighteousness and showed complicity with the actions.

  The Watchtower 7/15/92 in the article "Christ Hated Lawlessness—Do You?"
  it quotes "“I have hated the congregation of evildoers, and with the wicked
  ones I do not sit.” (Psalm 26:5) Our love for God and righteousness
  should motivate us to have righteous indignation—yes, hatred—for all
  that is lawless from his standpoint, including the lawless acts of
  those who disobey and hate Jehovah."

  That is why Jehovah's Witnesses do not tolerate unrighteous. Jehovah's Witnesses teach that when unrighteous acts occur the people with knowledge should or must go to the overseers to get matters straight. So statements like:' "I'll ruin the parents' relationship!" I'll smear the older brother's name!"' betray Jehovah and what he stands for. Does anyone think that Jehovah cares about that? Was Jehovah concerned about King David's name or relationship when he revealed what he had done?
• 

  Scully

  However when she wanted to pioneer about that time, she was denied that privilege. The reason being is that pioneers are supposed to hate unrighteousness. Allowing unrighteous to continue is showing complicity in it. By not immediately halting the incidences by reporting them, she showed that she did not hate unrighteousness and showed complicity with the actions.

  You didn't make it clear whether she reported to the elders or whether it was her friend who reported on her behalf. Either way, being denied a Privilege™ over this issue is tantamount to blaming the victim. How does this show LOVE for the person who was harmed? People often take a long time to come forward when they have suffered a violation of this magnitude. They are embarrassed. They are afraid they will somehow be blamed and/or punished (and isn't that just what happened?). They have been conditioned to believe that if the molestation becomes public that it will Bring Reproach on Jehovah™. Sometimes the perpetrator threatens them (or their family) with harm. It isn't up to the elders to JUDGE the victim. The elders' job is to comfort the victim and their family and look after their spiritual well-being, not to add insult to injury. By saying that she "allowed unrighteousness to continue" is the equivalent of "showing complicity" is demonstrative of your complete and utter lack of understanding of the overwhelming issues that are involved in cases of molestation.
• 

  Sunspot

  Hello and WELCOME!

  I have read yur opening post with interest and look forward to the rest of your story and your posts here.

  Before GRISSOM hijacks this welcome thread ANY FURTHER with his nonsense, I am sure you'll be quite comfortable with the support you will find among the sheep that were "skinned and tossed about".

  I was always told to not smear peoples' names, in particular the elders because it would bring shame upon Jehovah's house.

  The WATCHTOWER has done more than enough to "bring shame on Jehovah's "house" ", you are merely a victim of the MANY injustices that have been made under this ridiculous assumption.

  The facts (damn those pesky things anyway!) show that the JWs are VERY afraid to admit when they have been molested because of this very reason. They are often dismissed with "pray more, go out in service more, and wait on Jehovah to fix it".............which is NO help at all!

  I'd be willing to say that Jehovah can "take care" of things without the aid of MAN to "protect" his Name! The WTS is obviously afraid that THEIR "name" and THEIR image will need protection---and not God's!

  Looking forward to your next post,

  hugs,

  Annie
• 

  grissom

  You didn't make it clear whether she reported to the elders or whether it was her friend who reported on her behalf. ; Either way, being denied a Privilege™ over this issue is tantamount to blaming the victim. ; How does this show LOVE for the person who was harmed? ; People often take a long time to come forward when they have suffered a violation of this magnitude. ; They are embarrassed. ; They are afraid they will somehow be blamed and/or punished (and isn't that just what happened?). ; They have been conditioned to believe that if the molestation becomes public that it will Bring Reproach on Jehovah™. ; Sometimes the perpetrator threatens them (or their family) with harm. ; It isn't up to the elders to JUDGE the victim. ; The elders' job is to comfort the victim and their family and look after their spiritual well-being, not to add insult to injury. ; By saying that she "allowed unrighteousness to continue" is the equivalent of "showing complicity" is demonstrative of your complete and ;utter lack of understanding of the overwhelming issues that are involved in cases of molestation.

  Friends only report matters if that one does not. But then if the friends do not have first hand knowledge, they are only reporting what they were told.

  No, it is not blaming the victim by denying the privilege, that would be disciplinary or punishment. The denial of the privilege was from her not taking a stand on the matter, which would indicate not having the qualifications to serve. The biggest issue involved in the cases of any unrighteousness, is getting it stopped, and the sooner it is stopped the better for all involved. If people are taught that they are victims, then how will they ever get things to stop? They are victims, things like that happen to victims. But if people learn that they are not victims, but people who are supposed to take a stand for righteousness based on righteous principles, then things can stop even before they get started. That is the lessons taught.

  That is what Tamar did in the Bible, she put up a fight and it didn’t happen again. When Amnon grabbed hold of her she said: “No, my brother! Do not humiliate me; for it is not usual to do that way in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful folly. “ Then ” And he did not consent to listen to her voice, but used strength superior to hers and humiliated her and lay down with her.” Then he raped her. Her brother Absalom was told and he sought revenge. And King David himself heard about all these things, and he became very angry. David is angry, but doesn't do anything - why not?

  a. David was conscious of his own guilt in a similar manner; he felt he lacked the moral authority to discipline his own son in this matter

  b. David seems to have an indulgent affection towards his sons, resulting in a lack of discipline.

  So, no, I don’t have a complete and utter lack of understanding of the overwhelming issues involved. They cause a lot of problems with all involved. What I am seeing in the lessons here is that discipline is what takes care of all matters.

  They have been conditioned to believe that if the molestation becomes public that it will Bring Reproach on Jehovah™. ; Sometimes the perpetrator threatens them (or their family) with harm

  Isn't that a good reason to not make matters public? and to handle matters properly with the proper people? Not to have a bunch of police cars sitting in front of the house?
• 

  grissom

  The facts (damn those pesky things anyway!) show that the JWs are VERY afraid to admit when they have been molested because of this very reason. They are often dismissed with "pray more, go out in service more, and wait on Jehovah to fix it".............which is NO help at all!

  That is really not the truth of the way things happen or at least are supposed to happen.
• 

  Sunspot

  So, no, I don’t have a complete and utter lack of understanding of the overwhelming issues involved. They cause a lot of problems with all involved. What I am seeing in the lessons here is that discipline is what takes care of all matters.

  They have been conditioned to believe that if the molestation becomes public that it will Bring Reproach on Jehovah™. ; Sometimes the perpetrator threatens them (or their family) with harm

  Isn't that a good reason to not make matters public? and to handle matters properly with the proper people? Not to have a bunch of police cars sitting in front of the house?

  PUT A SOCK IN IT, GRISSOM!
• 

  jula71

  Scully said: "The elders' job is to comfort the victim and their family and look after their spiritual well-being"

  I have to disagree, the first and for-most job is to PROTECT THE NAME. I know of many victims that have indeed been punished for coming forward. Reason being, if the act was not witnessed by 2 people, the act never happened so the victim is obviously lying. That is the sick mindset the "bro's" have. In my hall down here a case come up. And immediately, the boys and their mother were were called everything but liars right from the platform. Our PO gave a "special needs" talk that basically said, it's wrong to judge a matter such as this and to pretty much take allegations with a grain of salt. The only reason he gave a talk is because the press got a hold of the story. Many hall's have people listening on the phone that can't make it to the meeting, I remember the BoE shut down the phones before the talk "so people on the phone aren't mislead by the wrong idea." Oh ya, my manners!!...Welcome to the board. I have seen through the lies, saw the real "truth" and am embarking, although late in life, on to college. With a goal in medicine.
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  freedom96

  Thanks for sharing the beginning of your story!