by chok 63 Replies latest jw experiences
In '84 I had been reinstated. I missed my siblings that I had raised. It only took a few months and I quit going to the KH. A couple months later one of the elders came by and told me that they had decided to DF me. I was in shock, since I was never asked to a meeting. The only reason they gave me was that I didn't have the proper attitude. It only took me a few seconds and I showed them the "proper attitude"!!
shelley
If you were 'fading' what difference does it make to YOU if you were DF? You are OUT either way! NO one can associate with you anyway? I was inactive for so long I assume they did this to me eventually. No matter I was OUT and that is what matters! Time to start thinking for YOURSELF!
out of the box
Out of the box - good point!
Thanks
If you were trying to fade out then it should not matter if they disfellowship you or not.
You didnt want to be apart of it anyway. Its not like your going to jail or that this would ruin your career. Just move on.
To those of you who think that because I have been trying to fade, I should just accept being DF'd, then I guess you dont have family who are still trapped in their beliefs, and will not speak to you if told not too. Or maybe you just dont care if they dont talk to you. Frankly I think it is up to them, and I will get on with my life...but there is a part of me, that wants things to remain as normal as possible, for the sake of my children.
This is not just about me being shunned, its everything else that it impacts.
Maybe you should think about things like that before you pass comments.
Chok
A friend of mine, never a JW, says that exJW's are very brave for making a stand. They have a great deal to lose by going against this large organization which never allows a dignified exit. They've had a hundred years of practice at coersion, and they are very good at it. Most of you have undertaken deep soul searching, figured out the value of integrity, and made the tough choices. That much introspection is rare in our society.
All of you on this board deserve a medal of courage; whether you live the double life, fade, DA, DF, or just leave.
Chok, I realize this is a terribly emotional topic, however you did introduce it and one thing I've noticed....if you ask a question or ask for an opinion....you're going to get it here.
If you are DF'd, it is going to impact your family....if you fade, it is going to impact your family...if you DA yourself, it is going to impact your family. No matter how it is done....leaving Jehovah's Witnesses changes your life forever.....better now than when your children are older...believe me it has a greater impact then than now! THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO LEAVE! If there were JWD wouldn't be needed.
If you are DF's you can always be re-instated (if you so desire)....if you fade you can always be "brought back into the fold" (if you so desire), if you DA yourself.....well I don't know if that's reversable....or you can sit on the fence and be miserable and totally mess up your family's life for a few more years.
(by family I mean your immediate family....wife and children!)
Carol
Good call Carol. Chok it is a bad time, I'm sorry about that. But it's true that whatever method you use to leave, it's going to be ugly. You may think that you're doing your witness family a favour by never making it official, but that just means that they can convince themselves that you're just experimenting and you'll come back to the fold one day, we'll just be brave and wait for him. At the same time your immediate family are in confusion as to the state of their distant relatives.
Maybe it's best to just get it over with. Of course, then you end up missing your family, I feel exactly the same way, but then my relationship with them has always been based upon the lie, that we share the same faith. That's central to their being friends with everybody, so any contact with them assumed it.
It will be hurtful for everybody, including you, whatever happens. Be brave, bud.
Carol and sass_my_frass I read your posts and they stirred quite a lot of emotion. You are right about them thinking that I will come back because I have been so adament about being DF'd...and I never want to go back. I want my children to have different upbringing and childhood...and life in general!
I think the time has come for me to write another letter that says that I no longer wish to be regarded as one of them, and deal with the consequences of my actions. My parents and rest of family will have to deal with it too, and decided whether to continue to speak to me and see their grandchildren or not.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.
This is not going to be an easy time, so no doubt I will be back on here frequently.
Chok
p.s. STEP 1 to freedom....my real name is Natasha
Yea..they can. And I wont be the first time a BOE "mis-interpreted" the rule book.
Their rules...who cares? You can play the game... make a lot of noise, appeal etc. but why? That only shows they have power over you.
Use your time wisely... get a better job, finish school, get laid, get drunk... It's your life-live it.
~Hill
