The cold shunning after re-enstatement. Did you get it?

by Sparkplug 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    RichieRich posted something about how odd witness kids parties were and it reminded me of being reinstated. I never quite fit when I got back in. I would sit in the car groups and think...are these people for real? It was like talking to a bunch of cold mindless and boring robots.

    A few people and I got to know each other at home and that helped, but except for them, I always got the suspicious looks, the hush hush when I came around. Oddly enough I always found that the so called "sisters" were huge on gossip. They ripped me apart at every chance they could. Not all, but a good portion.

    It made it really hard to stay in the congregation and almost programmed me to get into more trouble.

    What really makes me mad now, due to the size of the robot group and the party of one I had, I was almost always on the out. took me a bit to figure out I was better off without them. No I cannot hardly relate to any at all. I work with some, and to hear them makes me shudder.

    How many of you got such a warm reinstatement welcome?

  • kwintestal
    kwintestal

    I got a warm reinstatement. I was 17 and shouldn't have been DF'd in the first place.

    Kwin

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug


    Kwin,

    Do you think there is a difference because I was a single mom with kids. Those ladies are vicious. It seems like they would like males a bit more seeing the available ratio of men is "off." What do you think?

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    My dad got the cold treatment, Sparkplug, after his reinstatement. Honestly, the poor guy made ONE mistake after 40 years as an elder and 54 years married to my mother (which was enough to send any man over the edge, believe me) and they came down hard on him and then ignored him after he was reinstated. No one invited him out to dinner or to their houses or anything social. It was so bad it drove him to suicide in February 2003. I'll never forgive them or their stupid policies for that.

    Hugs,

    Nina

  • Purza
    Purza

    Abso-freaking-lutely. My friends were really cold to me when I returned. I think the fact that everything did not go back to "normal" after I was reinstated really messed up my head. I had a friend say "I don't want to get to close to you in case you get DF'd again". WTF?

    I was married w/o kids when I was reinstated (DF'd at 19 and reinstated when I was 20).

    I always said that things were never the same and that hurt more than the actual shunning.

    Purza

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Nina,

    How absolutely shitty of them. I cant say all the words I want to say describing what I am feeling now. ((((Nina))) That is so very hard for you. Or has been hard for you. They are a cold lot of fish cold slimey worm bellies. I am so sorry that you your father suffered this.

    I hate what they did to your family. I think that people always are in for such a cold awakening when they see the things they do. Sad thing is it is not often that Cult like minds ever think that hard. I am glad to see you and yours going on in a wonderful manner. It seems like you an Chris have had such a hard road. You two deserve good things.

    I hated sitting there trying so hard to be a friend, not seem desperate..etc. I ended up making friends with the middle aged ladies group. Even now I tend to stick to that. It seems like the gals my age are so much drama. I try to be friendly, they just have so much intrest in things that I think are rubbish. Often they have not come to grips with honesty and themselves. Some try to say they are happy scamming on whoever, or try too hard to claim they are more than they are. Examples: Homes, marriages, clothes, etc. It all seems so shallow. (Dont get me wrong, I like all of the listed items...) It just seems that often they try to make thier life appear to be something it is not.

    I cannot stand presenting oneself as more than what one is.

    Being a witness just exasterbates the situation. It is like the hen club...pick pick pick on whoever the eye falls upon.

    Also because I had a brain and did not feel the need to get under an elders wifes wings and let her parade me around like her prize Bible study...well that did not make it easier. I had not learned at that time one of the rules for power. DO NOT OUTSHINE THE MASTER.

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug
    I always said that things were never the same and that hurt more than the actual shunning.

    Purza-So true. But then I realized in my case, it was just I never had seen it before. It took me growing up and being out to see how I had never really meshed.

    You know, a different perception. I just was so nieve, that I did not see it, nor did I think "Witnesses" were capeable of such behavior....That is so funny yet sad now.

  • Scully
    Scully

    I think that sometimes JWs secretly resent people who have been DFd and then reinstated. I know one of my JW relatives had a friend growing up who was DFd for a while and then got reinstated. The friend later married, had a family and has remained a JW ever since. My JW relative refused to have this person as a friend, or even speak to him anymore. It was as though being DFd and shunned wasn't punishment enough for this person, and that he had judged the person's repentance as being insincere. I think secretly, though, there is this underlying jealousy and resentment that a reinstated person got to engage in immorality/fornication/adultery or whatever and eventually got accepted back into the congregation despite being "tainted".

    It seems that sexual "sins" are somehow viewed differently from things like stealing where you can make restitution to the person from whom you have stolen. It's not like you can replace the person's virginity, or erase the experience from your memory, or remove the hurt feelings of spouses or children that have been affected.

    BTW, to answer your question: I have never been DFd (so have no experience about being shunned after reinstatement) but I have been treated like crap by JWs (shunned, gossiped about, manipulated) while a JW in good standing.

  • Satanus
    Satanus


    That fear of hanging w the wrong people is very strong inside the wt hive. Guess i was one who knew who to hang w, i confess, so i got in on the parties and whatnot. However, i was always nice to the not cool ones as well. I'm not just saying that. In the end, it was one of those not cool ones who enticed me to read ray franz' book, which got me out. No mo pawties.

    S

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug
    It seems that sexual "sins" are somehow viewed differently from things like stealing where you can make restitution to the person from whom you have stolen.

    Skully- I think the sexual ones offend not just the hurt parties, but also it bothers the uptightness of the witnesses who do not let themselves embrace thier sexuality. I am not saying all are duds...but as a witness I was very stunted. I saw the difference of the women of the so called world...and there is a big difference. I am sure it was all intimidating. There are things you just cannot erase from your face once it gets there. Sexual experience is one of them.

    Satanus-The idea you presented is right on. They are afraid. They do not even know of what really. It is just a something bad feeling you are taught regarding association.

    To the both of you..If you take peoples inermost insecurities and play upon them from an early age it is easy to herd you people to act as you wish...so sheeplike, scared of thier own shadow, and with an overblown cloak of self rightiousness, what could be a better combination for a shunning? " I see shitty people...They walk around and do not even know they are shitty!"

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