The cold shunning after re-enstatement. Did you get it? (page 3)

greendawn

That's the loving attitude towards the "lost sheep" that came back to the fold I think it's all down to control, could the reinstated still bring in apostate ideas that can harm the image of the GB? The idea is to keep them at a safe distance in case they do.

carla

So how can I get them to treat husband that way so he can see first hand the 'loving nature of jw's'? I'm not sure I would really try anything but we (kids & I) do sometimes wish we get him df'd or something. Wicked fantasies I suppose. carla

diamondblue1974

I'm not sure I would really try anything but we (kids & I) do sometimes wish we get him df'd or something. Wicked fantasies I suppose. carla

You could disclose the sorta fun you had conceiving your kids...hehe...that will be a surefire way to get him to be shunned.

kid-A

Never been through it myself but I remember several re-instatement cases and recall a certain frostiness about the way the

reinstated person was treated for a long time afterwards. Having said that, the reinstated person was clearly "changed" in some

undefinable way and usually had this beaten down, tired sadness about them which may have coloured peoples interactions with them.

It was all so sad, on all levels.

Confession

While a JW in good standing, I used to think complaints like this came from persons who generally didn't fit in well with others and who were themselves chronic faultfinders. I still think such people exist, but also know that the JWs will give you the cold shoulder because they're scared of you--for at least three reasons.

One, you are like a vampire that has been cured. While they know they're supposed to embrace you upon your return, the substantial effect of a JW disfellowshiping is not usually something they can easily forget--can't just turn on and off like a faucet. This is not primarily your fault; it's the fault of the organization that condemned you as a wicked evildoer publicly. Two, many (probably most) JWs (not unlike non-JWs) allow themselves to be controlled by what others in their circle will think of them. If they get the impression that others are not reaching out to you--or that eyebrows would be raised by their doing so--they hesitate. Three, many (on some level) are experiencing cognitive dissonance. Even though we know this is not true, the flock is told that the ONLY reason someone is disfellowshiped is because they were wickedly unrepentant, that they "refused to abandon their wrong course." To some you will remind them of their own hidden inclination to take a walk on the wild side by stepping outside the confines; something that may hold a degree of attraction--but more often it scares the bejeezus out of them.

In my case, I was popular among all of my JW friends. When I was DFd, they were quite shocked. When I decided to play their game and become reinstated, many warmly welcomed me upon my return---at the meetings. But, after four months (two attending meetings and two discontinuing them,) I can report that not a single one of them has phoned or in some other way attempted to contact me. Not even elders. I believe that this is primarily for the third reason mentioned above. Some of them are consciously (or more likely subconsciously) worried that I learned something they're afraid of finding out for themselves. The best way to avoid the discomfort this produces within them is simply to try not to think about me.

JV

Blondie, you bring up a good point with the scripture at matthew, they make absolutely no sense, when somebody is down shouldn't you lend them a hand to pick them up? but instead when you're down they'll push you under.

tijkmo

11...understanding of 2 cor 2: 7,8
7
so that, on the contrary now, YOU should kindly forgive and comfort [him], that somehow such a man may not be swallowed up by his being overly sad. 8 Therefore I exhort YOU to confirm YOUR love for him.

song no. 110 talks about being forgiving.. in verse 3 it concludes by saying that someone who has done wrong needs to be forgiven in order to find any peace within himself. since being reinstated i have taken the initiative to approach former friends and acquaintances in order to break the ice as it were and hopefully restore some semblance of friendship . I have been rebuffed at almost every turn. Even the committee that reinstated me did so reluctantly and have avoided me since. Some former friends have been outright abusive. If it was just me experiencing this then I would fight it by myself but it isn't. I recently met someone (and this i learn is not an isolated case) , who had been disfellowshipped, was reinstated and was still shunned on his return and eventually just left again. It would be easy to conclude 'oh well can't have been genuinely unrepentant' but that is not the message paul gave to the Corinthians. Paul does not say 'oh by the way , tell the man who was reinstated to stew in his own juices for a while until everyone else eventually comes around'. No Paul said , confirm your love do it now or he will just give up. Too many people are struggling to be reinstated only to be underwhelmed by the attitude of people on their return.

this is an excerpt of a letter i sent the gb 2 years ago on the subject...no evidence of a change in thinking has been forthcoming

Reefton Jack

I got plenty of cold shunning while I was still with the JWs.

What was that about "having love among themselves" if they are true believers?

diamondblue1974

And what about the old principle of the prodigcal son returning? do they simply forget this?

DB74

The cold shunning after re-enstatement. Did you get it?

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