help

Lot

This is my first post of any significance and if I seem to ramble at times please forgive me. I have alot to say and I don't know how much of it will make sense.

I need help in trying to figure out how to get out of "the truth". You may think that is easy, but my problem is that I'm married to the most wonderful person in the world and I love her very much. She also is a witness. And though we've had many talks about leaving, she can't bring herself to that point. Deep down I think she knows that it is bogus, but she was raised a witness. Her whole family are witnesses including her father who is "one of the annointed" and went to prison for two years for his beliefs during WW2. I love him very much, but he is a rabid witness as you can imagine with that much of his life invested in it.

I am not going to leave my wife for any reason. I just wanted to get that out of the way. I've been leading a double life for many years. I mean going to meetings service etc. I'm even a servant who gives public talks. My wife knows the truth of course, but says to wait on Jehovah. My trouble is that this is driving me crazy inside. I dont want to be a hypocrite of any kind. My wife and I now turn in time but don't actually go out. She says we'll make up for it next month. The truth is she hates going out in service as much as I do.

What is the answer? all fo our friends are witnesses. These are people we like very much. I don't want to just throw all those connections away.

Anyway thats all I can muster at the moment. I look forward to any advice you might be able to give.

Lot

calamityjane

I thought I'd welcome you to the board. Nice to have you here.

Many have been in your shoes and you'll get a lot of help and advice here. You've come to the right place.

cj

jst2laws

Lot, Welcome to the board. We here sympathize with you. I especially relate to your problem of knowing to much about the org yet still trying to give talks and carry on as a Jdub. You will probably need to resign from that eventually for the sake of your own sanity. Many here have been through this. As to your wife, is she ready to read Ray Franz's books? If you can get a copy (commentarypress.com or Amazon.com) and convince her that it is reasonable and scriptural to consider all facts before making a judgement then I think Crisis of Conscience will help. I'm sure you will get more help from this thread. Hope to hear more from you. Jst2laws

kls

Welcome Lot , i have been where you are except i am the wife that left the truth. I went to the meetings to make my husband happy and to not shatter a happy home,lol. Finally i could not take the lies and the meeting and the fake people anymore and i told my husband i was done ,how was life after that ? pure hell . I won't go into details now but i am happy i broke free of living a lie and i knew it would be hell on earth but it was worth it for myself to live with myself. You must be true to yourself

greendawn

Welcome to the board, you are in a dilemma basically you don't want to be jws but if you leave then you lose all your friends and much family, perhaps you should just do a fade as many others do, don't be an active jw but also don't give them any reason to disfellowship you.

rebel8

Sorry for what you're going through, Lot.

To prevent being shunned, your best bet is to probably slowly fade away. I faded but not slowly at all. I was called to a jc. I simply said I do not plan on attending meetings for a while, I'm not doing anything "wrong"....just dissillusioned about people's behavior and need a break. They said they had no basis to DF me. Asked if I was DAing myself and I said no. AFAIK, my status is inactive. I've heard many tales of people being DFd or announced as DAd just for not attending meetings though.

I've done some research about the WTS and put it up on my web site. You can find the research about the organization and links to documentation in the section "info about jws". There is certainly enough proof there to show this is not an organization led by an infallible, loving god.

My site has little/nothing about Bible misinterpretations, but there are some out there. There are also some books I've heard that are good. There are some links up on my site under the "resources for ex-jws" section (not the emotional recovery books, the ones about doctrines). www.freeminds.org has a bookstore, or you can check Amazon too.

Hope that helps.

sir82

This probably doesn't help much, but you are not alone in the situation you describe....

Legolas

Have you or your wife ever read "Crisis of Conscience" or "In Search of Christian Freedom"? Both are writen by 'Raymond Franz' a former member of the Governing Body. This site and those two books will help you alot!

And I agree with KLS, you have to be true/honest to yourself.

Crumpet

Welcome Lot - I've not seen you here before, but I do feel total empathy for you and your situation. Your wife is already slowly leaving herself if she is falsifying the service report. You fade at your pace. Start trying to make connections with good people you meet at work or are neighbours. One of the startling things to me when I left was the actual real love of people who I barely knew. Human beings on are wonderful non judgemental beings. Start to build on casual hellos into proper friendships so that you get invited to things like neighbourhood bbqs etc and agree to attend. After all you can reason you are to love your neighbour as yourself. It does sound like your wife is clinging to this but needs reasons to live and one of the things that would help is a good social foundation.

Start to fade yourself by missing the odd meeting and hopefully if she loves you as much as you do her she will trust your judgement and begin to follow. But you do need to slip in good doctrinal reasons as and when she is ready to accept them, which you will find flourishing here.

My thoughts are with you.

crumpet

I quit!

Hi Lot,

Tough one! As another post said you have to be true to your self first. This can be hard when you are married but I still think it is a very important thing to do in order to keep your sanity. My marriage ddn't break up when I left but there were, and still are some tought times and it has been years for us. If you can ease yourself out that would be a good way to do it but sometimes they notice the changes and force the issue to a head so be prepared. Also don't force what you are learning or believe on your wife. It can drive her further into the tower and futher from you.

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