What to say...

wanderlustguy

I don't know what to say here, I've typed this 10 times...and deleted it. I just feel really, really alone.

Goodnight.

kls

Wander , many of us feel alone at times but is your lonelyness a little more ?

wanderlustguy

Thanks for the thoughts guys, this is just about me, individually.

I've never been alone, but am now and have decided I need to stay that way a while, and it's taking some getting used to, but something that needs to happen for me I think if I'm ever to be ok for anyone else. I've been thinking about this all weekend, as dubs we were always taught to need people and now on the outside looking in, I see where that kind of hurts, alone takes on a whole new meaning.

I guess alone in this case thought means I don't feel like I belong anywhere, so that's what I mean, I don't "belong" with regular people because they don't get it...and I don't belong with Dubs for obvious reasons...which I know we all "belong" here, but the real world is tricky.

You guys know I always just pour my heart out here, and tonight I'm trying to wrap my mind around what I'm feeling and trying to sort out where to go next.wlg

kls

I don't "belong" with regular people because they don't get it...and I don't belong with Dubs for obvious reasons...which I know we all "belong" here, but the real world is tricky

What makes you feel you don't belong with regular people ? Ok you were in a cult but regular people are just like you and everyone has struggles of some kind but that doesn't meant they don't fit in . You are not alone here and we are regular people just like you and i am wondering if you are reading peoples thoughts and actions the wrong way.

wanderlustguy

Ok, probably going to end up with two in a row here from me, but what I'm talking about is we set our whole life up on a fabrication and lie, so then all the sudden when the rug is yanked out, we have to put the pieces of reality back together that were missing before, and man is that a tough one. Like, where do I want to be when I'm 60 and pushing my walker around? Will I live that long?

For me I just wonder if I'll ever be happy. I've been happy a few times, but it's always fleeting and followed by double the bad. Every time I think everything is finally going to go great, wham, back to shit. I don't know what the deal is, but obviously either my expectations are way too freakin high for my abilities or I'm just going about things all wrong.

I just hope I figure it out before I go nuts...even worse than I already am...

kls

but obviously either my expectations are way too freakin high for my abilities or I'm just going about things all wrong.

Try to change both , lower your expectations and when things go wrong , think to yourself that maybe things are not as wrong as much as you think they are ,but if they are try to fix and learn what and why they went as badly as you say.

You were in a cult i was beat and abused by the parents , yes i hate them but i will not let what others have done stop me from living and living my life and when things go wrong , i learn why and try again.

You get what i am trying to say? Live for you and if you can't be happy ,no one around you will be happy either .

jeanniebeanz

Hi, Wander. I'm sorry you are alone right now.

Have you ever spent a few years on your own? I mean, your own place, finding your own likes and dislikes without someone else telling you what is best for you? I have a very good friend who relationship hops and has never been on her own more than a couple months without dating or moving in with family. It has ruined her life, seriously.

Spending time alone, for me, really helped me understand what I wanted in life. I didn't isolate myself though; I had friends, people who shared my interests, just lived alone and avoided any romantic relationships for a time. It was hard to do. Once I had a better picture of who I am and what I wanted though, I was better able to be a good friend and partner to others. I also felt a lot better about my own worth and abilities.

you said:

either my expectations are way too freakin high for my abilities or I'm just going about things all wrong.

I'm not sure what this means. Do you mean in a work/career sense or relationship sense?

I'm having a hard time putting this into a paragraph that comes out the way I mean it to, and hope that I haven't said anything that will bug you. Sounds like something has happened that has been a blow to your sense of self-worth...

Jean

Valis

Perhaps you have temprarily lost your wanderlust, or maybe it is that is precisely what you need to do. Find some. Get out and belong to everywhere. There are many places in the small world I have explored that I KNOW a piece of me belongs to. You sound as if your need to belong is entangled with other people and their direct participation or control of who you are. It is hard leaving ingrained structure, but do yourself a favor a go explore the world a continent away, even if not only a block. Wishing you the best.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

What to say...

wanderlustguy

kls

purplesofa

Satanus

wanderlustguy

kls

wanderlustguy

kls

jeanniebeanz

Valis

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