I know where you are coming from wanderlustguy. I sometimes feel that myself tho I wasn't dub . Most of the ones I know are not worth calling friend of course most of the people outside the religion are not worth the title either . I figure at this point in my life the only thing that matters is my happiness and usually am happier by myself . Even the women I've known are a complete waste of time . On the board we all have alot of anonymity so we can take or leave whatever we feel like and nothing too personal can be felt , quite a big difference when dealing in the real world . All I can say is keep your head up and realize you are entitled to the same rights and freedoms as anybody else and don't have to explain your life to anybody . You know what helps when I feel down ? try a good comedy or something or just do something you enjoy .
What to say...
by wanderlustguy 28 Replies latest jw friends
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Es
Hey there wander, i hear you loud and clear. I have thought to myself that perhaps i too should be alone and not needing anyone in my life....i feel i need to discover myself and yet i dont think im strong enough or maybe i am strong enough but im scarred. I have shut many people out of my life just trying to deal with life outside the borg and its hard. es
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prophecor
we set our whole life up on a fabrication and lie, so then all the sudden when the rug is yanked out, we have to put the pieces of reality back together that were missing before, and man is that a tough one. Like, where do I want to be when I'm 60 and pushing my walker around? Will I live that long?
OK Wlg, I'll bite. I wanted to start a thread just like this, but somehow you've done it for me. I kept putting off putting the words here, as well.
I'm not sure if this is what your going thru, but I feel a huge sense of loss having come to believe all that we'd been told at the KH. I was seperated from the regular realm of thinking for so long, I've lived in a artificial envioronment, a bubble, as I've heard it described. Everything I believed while within the bubble, it was not all entirely the truth. I've lived with the threat of doom and fear for so long. Thinking that I was so completely bad, such a horrible person because I couldn't or wouldn't ascribe to the teachings without having to be threatened with everlasting death and destruction.
The ghost no longer frighten me, but they still have enormous power over my life. I will never be able to feel like the regular people, the regular Joes. I won't be able to go to a bar and have a few drinks with my buddies on the job. I'll never be able to see the world, except thru the eyes of " what I could've been had I never come face to face with the dread that comes from being known by Jehovah "
I'll forever have to fight, just to have fun, and having a good time should never have to be forced, otherwise it's not fun. Things all seem to have an un-comfortably numb feeling associated with it. I'll never be able to fit in with the regs, either. Even from the person of my wife, though I truly believe I love her, yet she, too, can never really understand. She's never been JW. My family, sisters and Mom, never been JW. I too, will be alone in this complex shell until the grave.
But every once in a while, I get a sense of normalcy. I get a taste of being OK with being human. It comes in the form of meeting the ones I work with eye to eye. Speaking our hearts every so often. Meeting up with those of my past. Hearing thier hurts, thier joys, and their pains, and then just getting on with it, the business of life. Realizing that everyone here on this planet is too, just a little alone. We however help each other thru, with our words, with our attention. With someone just willing enought to listen to us, and we them
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Faith
Dearest Wanderlust,
I can fully understand exactly what you are expressing. I went through a long period of time alone. I did it because I was so screwed up in my head for the first 32 years of my life, that I spent the next 7years making bad choices. I knew that something was just not right inside me. Even though I had come to a complete understanding of what the Organization had done to me, all the lies, I still was not making good decisons. I never felt right with the general population either. How many are there of us?
I do not encourage you to do what I did but I'm going to tell you just to share how I dealt. First I kinda just gave up. I gave it all over to God and I didn't care what happened to me anymore. I ended up with nothing but two suitcases and no home. Fine. Whatever. I gave up trying.
I ended up secluding myself for about six years. My health was also bad from years of Borg stress and making bad choices. I ended up in a little cabin way out in the middle of nowhere. I did not date. I would get very lonely sometimes but the time in seclusion was good for me. My dog was my best friend.
Last year by freak chance I met a man that fit me and my quiet life. My life now is wonderful and perfect and he is as quirky as I am. His loving nature amazes me. I am 45 now. If this is as good as it gets I am truly happy and at peace. Have you really read over Danny Haszards site? I find him very cathartic as he puts into words what we have suffered better than anybody.
I truly am sorry you are going through what you are. You are not as alone as you feel. Nobody knows what it feels like to be raised in the shadows of Armageddon. Nobody knows what that mental cruelty is like but us. When I did make it to the other side of that seclusion, I found that I had a lot more to offer the world. OMG Homer Simpson is cracking me up. The May 8, 2005 episode is too funny. It's called "Thank God It's Doomsday" hehe Homer had a board in his hand for Armageddon calculations HAHAHA!!!!!!
Love,
Faith
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sass_my_frass
Hi guys, you've summed it up for me too... it's a mess to come out of, and it's not easy to start at zero in the faith stakes. I might have just progressed from that 'where to now' stage, I've told myself that it doesn't really matter... at worst though, this is the only time I have on this planet to do what I want to do, so I'm going to get on with living. Some people are born in a mud hut and shepherd goats all their lives, and their thoughts never get as complicated as ours have been while we've been emerging from this darkness. Right now I want to keep it simple; talk about all the stuff that I have never been able to before (that helps more than anything), and let as much sunshine and light in to my life to enjoy it.
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prophecor
and right now, these days, i could really find comfortability in life, being alone. at least when i'd find myself in my moments, i wouldn't have to subject the rest of my family to my dark, forboding energy field. it's a very, very dark place at times in my life. i will never, ever be normal again as long as i live.
and then i begin to wonder from time to time, what are going to be the things that i will miss when i am no longer, what are the things that have brought me happiness. i'll miss driving my car, playing my video games, watching and listening to a thunderstorm. sometimes i think about the things that i will miss when my life has passed on, and then.......i go do them.
it's a complex set of circumstances, but i know to fully what it's like to feel the need to make everything and everyone, just.....disappear......................... pooooff, be gone!..................everyone
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Wasanelder Once
Wanderlust guy;
"I guess alone in this case thought means I don't feel like I belong anywhere, so that's what I mean, I don't "belong" with regular people because they don't get it...and I don't belong with Dubs for obvious reasons...which I know we all "belong" here, but the real world is tricky."
Its the old syndrome, not good enough to be in the truth, not bad enough to be out of it. The fact is, like everyone else in the Truth or out, you are both.
Find a good friend and listen to them. Better yet, let them listen to you.
If you approach everything in the same spirit as your avatar I can see how you might alienate others. You're normal, just you wait and see!
W.Once
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sonnyboy
Why do we need to "belong" anywhere?
That's exactly the way society wants you to think; it wants you to think like a follower, to fall in line. Why not make a list of all the things you enjoy in life and everything that makes you happy. Forget about the cult brainwashing you once knew and do what YOU think is right. Take a tip from Nike and Just Do It. That's what I did. Even when I was in a relationship and had a roommate, I often felt alone, like my life was going nowhere fast. I then took a look at my list and started doing things that I thought were interesting: I began taking courses at the local college (which leads to meeting more people if that's your goal), started a marine fish hobby, began going to the beach and meeting people in local pubs, contacting old high school friends with whom I lost touch, and the list goes on.
When we're in a rut of lonliness and depression, we need to become active in some way. That's my philosophy anyway. I still don't feel like I "belong" anywhere, but why should I? I'm simply living life day-by-day while attempting to steer it in a direction that makes me happy. Try to think of yourself as a leader and others will follow. If you feel the need to 'belong', you can create that environment yourself. You don' t have to look for it anywhere.
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chrissy
Ok, probably going to end up with two in a row here from me, but what I'm talking about is we set our whole life up on a fabrication and lie, so then all the sudden when the rug is yanked out, we have to put the pieces of reality back together that were missing before, and man is that a tough one. Like, where do I want to be when I'm 60 and pushing my walker around? Will I live that long?
For me I just wonder if I'll ever be happy. I've been happy a few times, but it's always fleeting and followed by double the bad.
Aww...hugs to you wlg.
This may sound lame, but have you ever thought about keeping a gratitude journal? Write three things down in it each day that made you feel thankful or happy. And since happiness is not a feeling so much as a memory, you will have all day to reflect. I got this idea from an article in TIME magazine, as suggested by a U of Carilona psychologist, based on extensive research regarding human happiness.
Here are a few others from the from the 1/17 issue of TIME (The Science of Happiness):
2. Practice acts of kindness (suggests both random and systematic)
3. Savor life's joys (pay close attention to momentary pleasures and wonders)
4. Thank a mentor
5. Learn to forgive (the WT for their trickery???)
6. Invest time and energy in friends & family (won't work if they are all jw's..i know, i know..but article suggests that strong personal relationships is what human happiness is all about vs. money, job title, health, etc.)
7. Take care of your body
8. Develop strategies for coping w. stress & hardships
http://www.authentichappiness.org/
I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Chrissy
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jula71
Looks like a thread I could have started about 20 times. I feel ya WLG, I'm going through the same thing. Feeling guilt at the same time knowing it's not the truth and knowing guilt is what they want me to feel.....then feeling all alone in the process. That's why this place is so important for many of us, to know we are not alone.