What did shunning do to you? (page 2)

tijkmo

all of the above

...i was so bad that if i had got hold of a gun somehow..i would have killed myself and i would have taken others with me..

i dont mind being used in whatever survey you are doing and i dont mind being interviewed or quoted

One of the biggest reason's I DA'ed from the Witnesses is because of the shunning policy, and the effect I saw it have on people who were DF'ed. It's hard to imagine a more blatently un-Christian practice of a supposed "Christian" religion.

I got a phone call from a girl once explaining how she had been shunned by her mom in public after not having seen her for over a year. Also that she had been completely shunned by her old best friend in a supermarket after trying to say hi. The girl was a blathering mess. It would break your heart.

Personally I don't really know what phychological effect it's having on me. Sometimes when I'm in public I wonder what it would be like if I run into some old witness friends. I find myself doing it a lot so I guess that's a negetive effect in itself. Like Satunus eluded to, it makes you realize that your old witness friendships are all completely conditional on believing what they tell you to believe.

GBL

Crumpet

I don't think I kept my suicide note - it was on the back of my school exercise book and when the vomiting started I think I threw up over it, but I'll have a look. I don't think I specifically mentioned shunning because I wasn't actually dfed until after trying to kill myself - the attempted suicide being one of the reasons for my df-ing. However I almost certainly said that I couldn't bear letting my family and Jehovah down but I just couldn't live the way they wanted me to and so this was my only option.

Lilycurly

I am still wondering why I was never shunned....I stoped going to the meetings and never even got an elder's visit...I celebrate everything and speak bad of the society, I'm a full blown apostate, (looks like my dad don't want to rat me out) yet when I met JW, they smile and say hi....Puzzling...

It wouldn't have such a great effect on me, since only my father is in, and I didn't have friends at the KH. It would probably not even make a difference...

tetrapod.sapien

for me,

shunnning feels like what it must feel like to be thrown out of home, onto the street, at 7 years of age. the WTS does not prepare members for success in the world. so many members who are shunned have no idea what to expect, or how to navigate their new life. this is how i felt, at first. lied to by the "parents" i trusted, and then thrown out of "home" for knowing the truth. this is painful.

extreme stress, for me, resulted. anxiety/panic attacks were common around the time that shunning began, but now seem to have gone away. depression was common, and i experienced some as well. lucid sadness at the realization that the people who i considered friends, now considered me dead. thoughts of death. this has passed thankfully.

it was then followed by a period of anger. anger at myself for "having let this happen to me", when in reality there is nothing i could have done differently. and anger at those committing the shunning crime. a sense of indignation and injustice kind of over took me. i wanted to lash out. i'm glad i didn't.

what did shunning do to me?

it killed a little child in me. it asphyxiated a part of me that viewed other humans as humane, and good, and noble. on my heart, once filled with trust, it worked exactly as the weapon it was designed to be. the shredder, the bludgeoner, the silent killer.

greendawn

I felt that it was done in order to prevent me from discussing any issues with the dubs ie as a means of info control and to me they were cowards that refused to openly discuss issues rather than just expell dissenters.

It never bothered me because during my long fade I had made lots of friendships with non jws, with the jws I never had much of a social life anyway.

hopelesslystained

It slapped me with the realization that none of the witnesses I knew were true friends and my family has no natural affection. And I was not DA or Dfd. Just quit. It also made it clear the organization was not a healthy place for me or my children, neither were they the righteous chosen instrument of a loving creator. It didn't cause depression, just deep hurt causing me to avoid them all and start living.

LittleToe

I used to give them the space they wanted. After a while I started nodding my head in their direction. Now I say "Hi" and mention them by name. It's surprising how they shrink and become diminutive, or glower and look like general sad cases.

LIke so much of life, it's 90% perception.

La Capra

This may sound cavalier, but before I DAed, I was banking on the shunning. I was so sick of everyone in my business (my very boring business, by the way), that I was looking forward to being let alone.

My mom doesn't shun me (I just went to see her yesterday, for the sole purpose of having lunch with her and my dad. I made it, she ate it, at the table with me, we talked about law school). I knew my mom would not shun, before I DAed.

About five years ago, a JW started to talk to me at the gym. It annoyed me. I was friendly and polite, but she was one of the reasons I wanted to be shunned. I fired them for a reason.

Shoshana

HadEnuf

I am not DF'd or DA'd...but am still shunned by my mother and sister...who consider me an "apostate" because my husband and I just left (fade awayer's). It took many, many months to absorb the hurtfulness of their actions...but now that 4 years have passed; I really don't miss them at all. I miss having a "family"...but I don't miss THEM. I just feel as if they have both died.

I know of a young "brother" who was DF'd for drug use...he was bi-polar...but not diagnosed until after his disfellowshipping. After a couple of years of trying for reinstatement and being turned down (the elders have no use for people with emotional disorders in my experience); he went into his families garage, shut the door and turned on his car. I do not think he left any notes...but I have to believe that the shunning was the force behind the suicide. Just when he needed love and support from people because of his bi-polar illness...he was left to himself.

Someone on this board or somewhere said: "Shunning is just organized cruelty". I think that's an excellent definition of this cruel and unusual punishment.

cathy l.

What did shunning do to you?