my emotional breakdown due to my dfing and shunning culminated in my brief visit to the local psychiatric hospital
but its true what they say, what doesnt kill ya makes you stronger..and in this case much happier.
What did shunning do to you?
by hillary_step 67 Replies latest jw friends
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AK - Jeff
The really cruel part of it is that as lifetime witness I had absolutely not a friend in the world outside of the witness organization. So finding new friends is an issue. I was never particularly social. I did not make friends easily. So here I find myself without friends at the age of 50. Since I continue to live a Christian lifestyle, and my work prevents me from attending church, I have no opportunity to make friends.
So, due to choosing to leave an organization that I think is disappoved by God, due to conscience, I have been treated as if I am a wicked person. Not a single elder has asked my why I have left. Not a single former friend has allowed me to explain it to them. My best friend, who also happens to be my cousin, will not return my calls or letters, in spite of the fact that I was his best friend for 35 years. I was the minister for his wedding. I hired him to work for me when he needed a job. But due to pure gossip [I have not been df'd yet] that labels me an 'apostate', I have been left without any support outside of my wife and non-witness family. So basically, just due to leaving the organization without comment, I have been relagated to the leper-farm. No sin needed. We will treat you like sh** without any real cause.
It is painful. I am getting on, mostly due to support and comaraderie from sites like this one.
Emotional swings catch me from time to time. Mostly bitterness over having wasted my life loving these hateful creatures as my brothers and sisters. I am stable, but I can see how someone who was not would find it easy to put a gun to his head or close the garage door.
Shunning is clearly cruel and unusual punishment. One can be shunned without a charge, trial, or conviction for anything wrong in some cases. It has destroyed family. It is emotionally devastating. Most of all it is ungodly and does not reflect the Christ in any way.
Jeff
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kwintestal
I was 17 when I was DF'd. Growing up a JW, all I knew was the JW way of life, all I had were JW friends. The conditions that were put on me to stay living at home made it impossible to not try to get reinstated, so that's what I did. The day after I found out I was getting reinstated, I got a good job. I took that as a good sign so I stayed with it. Turns out it was just a coincedence.
Kwin
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Gordy
I disassociated 4 years ago. I was already had been separated from my JW wife for 4 years, but hadn't DA.d just faded. But circumstances finally made me decide to DA. So for the last 4 years my JW wife and two JW daughters have not spoken or had any contact with me. I have not really missed them all that much. My wife is very Watchtower and the daughters follow her. I have other children 2 who have also DA'd. THye as well have not seen there mother and sisters for as long. My Eldest son (29) recently got married his mother would not come to the wedding.
If they have thought that shunning me would bring me back to the JW's, its done the opposite. It has shown me that it is an unloving, uncaring organisation. It only cares about you as long as you obey them. It holds its member by fear.
I have used my experience when speaking to people about the JW's. I have also given talks to various groups about them. People are shocked that a group that calls themselves "Christian" behaves in such a way.
Now that forums like this and other websites are exposing the Watchtower and its teachings. More and more people are learning about their policy of shunning. Reading the experiences of people who have suffered because of it. You realise why the WT is so afraid of the Internet. Why their growth is slowing down. Why JW's who look at sites like this (we know you do) have their faith in the WT shaken and start to think for themselves about the WT.
Lets keep it up on here and on other forums. Everytime we expose something about the WT its another chip off the Watchtower eventually it will crumble and hopefully collapse.
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homesteader
People shunning helped me see how stupid it is. I felt ashamed that I ever practiced such a thing and it verified that I was indeed on the right track out of the organization. I feel for all those that lost their families due to being df'd and for those that were suicidal.
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LouBelle
Initially I was bitter & angry at the people & the society. I stopped mailing people or texting some very good friends.
But now - I can't be bothered with it. I"ll greet JW's whether they know or not. I'll send mails to my so called JW friends - whether they reply or not. But I won't visit them. They can choose to ignore me but I won't stoop to their level.
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trevor
The posts in this thread are very moving and it is brave of you all to share such painful and personal memories.
For me the greatest loss was that of my brother, still an elder, whom l loved more than life. I was depressed for two years and lost all ambition and interest in life. My sense of humour left me and I found noise intolerable. A part of me died and I with drew from the world.
I have got over it now and have reach a deeper understanding of life as a result of having to redefine my values. In some ways it has improved me but in other ways I have lost the ability to love or form deep attachments with people, although my fondness for dogs has increased. They will never shun you.
I can not express it better than tetrapod.sapien who has already been quoted but I will repeat his words from page one.
it killed a little child in me. it asphyxiated a part of me that viewed other humans as humane, and good, and noble. on my heart, once filled with trust, it worked exactly as the weapon it was designed to be. the shredder, the bludgeoner, the silent killer.
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jwfacts
One of my friends became a heroin addict after being disfellowshipped and eventually committed suicide. Shamefully i was such a "good" witnesses i did not keep in touch and never found out what led to why he ended up in such a bad way. My best friend tried to attempt suicide three times after being disfellowshipped, each time ending up in hospital. Despite knowing it was "wrong" I had to keep in touch just to make sure he would be alright as he knew no one and had no where to turn. I have three other friends that committed suicide, but all were still JW's at the time. I spent over 3 years in bethel and by the end all i could think about was dieing. This thread reminded me of the poetry that i wrote whilst there, it was filled with such inner conflict. Here is one Death, the pleasure of an eternity of certainty. Death, a cessation of the cruelty of time. Death, the ambient beauty of quiet, of freedom from pain, it's grasp the conqueror of suffering. Death, Life's culmination, it's final fleeting moment. I have not felt that way since leaving bethel and starting on the pathway out of the Organisation. I am not d'd yet, have been easing my way out for years, but it is now just a matter of time. When six months ago i decided that i knew beyond doubt the JW's are a religion of falsehood it feels life has started to bloom. I will be annoyed about being d'd, but by leaving slowly i think i have been able to give myself time to adjust emotionally. 12 months ago i did feel if i was d'd at the time life would be meaningless and i would slip into depression. Now i realise my life has just begun.
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trevor
Poem by jwfacts
Death, the pleasure of an eternity of certainty.
Death, a cessation of the cruelty of time.
Death, the ambient beauty of quiet,
Of freedom from pain,
It's grasp the conqueror of suffering.
Death, Life's culmination,
It's final fleeting moment.
I have reformatted you poem because I though it was good and meant a lot to you but was lost in your text. It seem as though you suffered from depression due to the death of your friends and you poem conveys that. I hope things work out for you.
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outoftheorg
Yeah pretty much what Sapien said.
After the 1970's I was just exhausted by life in the jw world and how I was treated. The more the elders showed their contempt for me the angrier I became. There was never any attempt by the elders to offer help of any kind. Then they began to shun me and my family as we were marked.
Only made me angrier. Then my now ex wife became suicidal and lots of hidden hystory of sexual abuse in her family came to light.
There were of course other issues but the continued lack of even any attempt to help the family and the elders fixation on punishment only exacerbated everything until a divorce and my df'n were a fact and the elders felt satisfied.
At my df'n one of the elders held the "flock the sheep" magazine and while waving it, (screamed )something about "if you want to know if we have a right to do this, this book is where we get the right"
The one thing that stands out in my memories, is the animal like anger and hatred displayed by these so called representatives of God.
Did they heal any body, save a marriage, save a soul?
NO they only participated in the destruction of my family and my relations to them and my extended family.
Oddly enough, all of my family and my ex who remain in the jw world are having mental ,emotional , physical, and financial problems and those of us who are out are doing well.
My intense anger has become less as time goes by and I no longer have thoughts of injuring individual jw's. But my hatred for the wbts is as strong as ever.
Outoftheorg