religious joke..feel free to add to

by tijkmo 23 Replies latest social humour

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  tijkmo

  local tv paper this week had a section on religious jokes..amongst which was this

  'what do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a jehovahs witness...

  someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell'
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  mrsjones5

  What do you get when you cross a UU and a Jehovah's Witness?

  Someone who knocks on your door to ask you what you believe.
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  mrsjones5

  Calvin: Exactly! I mean...who wears a suit in the Projects?
  Juicy: Jehovah Witnesses?
  Calvin: Them and the Bougie man!
  - from The PJs, episode "Cliffhangin' with Mr. Super"
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  mrsjones5

  Jehovah's Witness Computer Viruses

  Jehovah's Witness Virus: Deletes all but 144000 select files.
  Jehovah's Witness-Unitarian Virus: Opens up a lot of windows, but for no apparent reason.
  Jehovah's Witness Virus: Keeps banging the head in your hard drive!
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  Gerard

  PREACHING TO A BEAR!

  An Irish priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as
  
  chaplains to the students of Northern Mich. U in Marquette. They would get together
  
  two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop".
  
  
  
  
  
  that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. Well, one thing led
  
  to another and before it was over they decided to do a 7-day experiment.
  
  They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to
  
  it......................
  
  
  
  
  
  Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Well," he says in a fine Irish brogue, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when
  
  Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me boot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."
  
  
  
  
  
  I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb.

  We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY
  
  word."
  
  
  
  
• 

  mrsjones5

  *What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to the lake of everlasting fire.
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  mrsjones5

  *I am a Jehovah's Witness of Borg. You will be assimilated to the slave class of a publishing empire in Brooklyn.
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  BrendaCloutier

  
  What do you get when you cross a Pentocostal with a Jehovah's Witness?

  A holy roller that doesn't know if he's coming or going to heaven or to hell hallelujah!
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  mrsjones5

  The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah's Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated! - Jan McInnis
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  mrsjones5

  I'm a Jehovah's Bystander. We's like the Witnesses, only we don't wanna get involved. - Flip Wilson