A priest, a rabbi and a minister walked into a bar... you'd think at least on of 'em would have seen it.
religious joke..feel free to add to
by tijkmo 23 Replies latest social humour
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mrsjones5
Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses get killed during an earthquake? They're always in your doorway. - Johnny Carson
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tetrapod.sapien
from a stand up comedian i saw last night on TV:
"Did you know that Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Haloween? I guess they don't like the idea of strangers knocking on their doors."
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mrsjones5
I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. - Bruce Clark heehee
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tijkmo
how do you get a nun pregnant..
dress her up as an alter boy
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mrsjones5
Light Bulb
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. They all live in Brooklyn, and they have to keep changing it every day for "new light."
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
None. They're always getting "new light" from Brooklyn. -
mrsjones5
OK last one then I gotta go make dinner lol
Two missionaries of the Church of Latter-Day Saints were walking down the street when they ran into two Jehovah's Witnesses coming directly at them from the opposite direction. The elders stopped, and one of the Jehovah's Witnesses said, "We don't move for false witnesses." One of the Mormons said, "We do," and they went around them
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mrsjones5
Ok Ok I promise this is my last joke and my favorite
Heaven is manifested as a huge skyscraper, and the Archangel Gabriel is the elevator-operator. As each new entrant arrives, the Archangel asks for their religious affiliation, and each is taken to the appropriate floor:
Gabriel asks, "Religious affiliation?"
"Methodist."
Peter looks down his list, and says, "I'll let you off at floor 24, but everyone please be very quiet as we pass floor 13."
Another arrives at the elevator. "Religious affiliation?"
"Southern Baptist."
"We'll go to floor 66, but everyone please be very quiet as we pass floor 13."
A third arrives. "Religious affiliation?"
"Reformed Jew."
"Get off at floor 10, but everyone please be very quiet as we pass floor 13."
One of the passengers finally asks, "I can understand there being different floors for different religions, but why must we be quiet as we pass the 13th floor?"
"Well, the Jehovah's Witnesses are on that floor, and the loving All-Being has mandated this rule out of sheer kindness" explains the Archangel. "You see, only a small group of them imagined that they would be here in the first place - and they think they're the only ones here." -
Sad emo
What do you get if you cross a dyslexic insomniac with an agnostic?
Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
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Two mormon guys get talking to a potential convert:
stranger says 'you're the ones who don't drink coffee?
mormons - 'we are'
stranger - 'and you're the ones have that extra book the besides the Bible?'
mormons 'we are'
stranger - 'and you're the ones who say its ok having more than one wife?'
mormons - 'we are'
stranger - 'well, I think you all ought to be bloody well hung'
mormons - 'we are'
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DannyBloem
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day.
As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.
The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around without any panties on."
The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her.
When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.
Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.
As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs.
The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.
The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.
The priest hands the lady $1 and says... "Lady, take this money and for God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!"