When partners lie

Es

Heya all, Im in a bit of a situation, I have just found out that my partner lied to me about an incident with his family, i am having a lot of trouble with his family at the moment, which then in turn is casusing major troubles with him and me. Anyway it wasnt the worst lie out and he said he did it to protect me and to avoid another arguement with us which yes i can understand. But he bluntly lied to me which in the end has caused more problems as i am having major trust issues right now. For those who have experienced similar things how do you let go and get over it and move on? Thanks es

stillajwexelder

lying is not an easy issue to deal with - that is my biggest problem with Bill Clinton - he lied to the American people about monica - I forgive him and none of my business anyway about the sex -it was the lies that made it difficult

wanderlustguy

I don't know how to get past it, what can you beleive once you know a person, especially a partner would rather lie to you than tell you the truth and deal with whatever it is together?

How can you beleive anything they tell you again?

potleg

Allow (if you can) your partner to make mistakes. The lie may have been an error in good judgement. Alow your love for him cover the wrong. Focus on all the good that you haave betwen you. Has he asked for your forgivness or just made excuses?

Big Dog

People lie for many different reasons I've found. I think the motive behind the lie is what is important. Did they lie to protect your feelings, to try and smooth things over, to gain some advantage, etc.

Es

Thanks for the response i hear you all, you wanderlustguy thats where im at at the moment, every time he says something to me know i wonder if its the truth and its such a horriable thing to feel. potleg yeah he has asked my forgiveness and bigdog he lied to protect my feelings which in itself is better than lying to gain some advantage. I just feel kind of numb i guess not knowing how to feel es

wanderlustguy

There's some good concepts here, I have to agree motive means the world in this situation.

But the ability to lie to a loved one is so dangerous, it is a tough one to sort out how someone you love and believe loves you could not give you the benefit of the doubt...with the truth. If they don't believe in you...who will?

talesin

I have found the 'little lies' to be the most relationship-destroying ... they build up, you begin to doubt the smallest thing ... yes, I understand.

On the other hand ...

It's hard for some folks to admit to the dysfunctionality of their families ... maybe he was ashamed, and didn't want to tell you ... is that the MAIN lie, or 'only' important lie? It may be understandable, if you that's how it is.

xo

best to you, and I know you will work it out!

tal

Legolas

I feel for you! Lying is not easy to get over. Hang in there. My daughter just said you look familiar to her, but according to your flag I said that can't be since you are in Austraila!

Big Dog

WLG, I hear you man. But are any of us honest 100 percent of the time? And that includes errors of omission as well as out right lies. It is all just part of our nature as humans, warts and all. I agree trust is a huge issue, but that's where I distinguish with lies too, did they lie about something that was a matter of trust between you (i.e. we pledged to be exclusive and I slept with someone else and lied about it) or was the lie about some other issue that didn't involve a direct breach of trust between us. Some would say any lie is a breach of trust but I think that is a bit harsh, as we all use the examples of someone looking like shit and asking you how they look and we say, oh fine. So I guess my lie thing is why did they lie, and what did they lie about, and forgiving them like we forgive people for all sort of crap they do.

When partners lie

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