help my mother is brainwashing my 10 yr old

by squirlyboo 32 Replies latest social family

seven006

Kids are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. You can use this dilemma to help your daughter develop reasoning abilities that will stick with her for life. Your mom is using a very controlling cult technique that is the lifeblood of the JW religion and other cults just like them. Usually cult members do not even know they are using those techniques but only doing what they have been taught to do. The last person to realize they are in a cult are the ones that are in a cult.

To clarify, one of the things the JW’s and other cults use are scriptures that say people will reject them because of their “true” beliefs. In actuality people do reject the teachings of cults because they are crazy and damaging. But, potential cult inductees only see the prophesy of the rejection and not the true reason. When they hear people talking against the cult the potential inductee feels the cult must be right because people are doing exactly what their cult teacher said they would do. This introduces them into the magical mystery world of prophesy being fulfilled based on the first one to state a fact and twist it to fit their own agenda.

This can be easily combated by using reason and logic and allowing little kids to use their own mind. I did this with my son at age seven when his mom (a JW) gave him his book of bible stories to take over to my house when I got him on weekends. She told him I would NOT let him keep it there because I hated the JW’s and Satan lived at my house. I messed up her little cult game by telling my son I had absolutely no problem with him bringing the book over, in fact we would read it together.

We did just that. We started with the Adam and Eve story. I asked him if he had ever seen a snake talking to a naked lady before. After he laughed, he said no. I sent him out around the neighborhood to go find a talking snake and if he found one, I would be happy to go back to the meetings and become a JW again. After about a half hour of beating bushes and looking under rocks he came back frustrated and bewildered. We then began to talk about the difference between myth, different religious belief, and reality. At seven, and given his small collection of children’s books to explain the difference, he began to get the idea and he began to learn how to question things and think for himself.

We also examined the Abraham story where god told Abraham to kill his son to prove that Abraham loved god. After asking him if he thought that was right, he had to admit it didn’t sound very nice for god to do that. We went through other stories like Noah and the ark, Joshua and the stopping of the sun so he could kill more people and alike. The more we read and examined, the more my son saw that the stories were mean and unfounded by fact.

That was the beginning of the end of my sons brainwashing by the JW cult and his mother. I told him he should talk to his mom about what we discussed and that I would never get mad at him for doing so. I explained about using reasoning and logic (after explaining what they were) and how he should think about what people say and not always just believe it. I also told him that his mom and grandmother might get mad that I read the book of bible stories with him. When they did, it was I who made the prophesy of what they would do and say “before” they did it. And, they did do it.

That was 16 years ago. My son is now 23 and living with me while going to school. He also thinks the JW’s are a mixed up cult that controls his grandmothers mind. His mother is no longer goes to meetings. He is at his grandmothers house right now as I type this helping her do some work around the house. She rarely brings up the religion and she hasn’t for many years.

Using love, understanding, logic, and reasoning based on facts can do wonders. Little kids are not fools and can sometimes understand logic and reasoning better than a lot of adults. Tell her that you love her grandmother but you two do not share your grandmother’s beliefs. Tell her you do not have a problem talking about what her grandmother tells her and you would be happy to discuss it openly and with logic and understanding. Teach her to question. Not only her grandmother, but you too. Logical and reasonable thinking is the best tool to use against cult indoctrination. If you help her develop her mind as apposed to trying to control it like a cult does, she will see the difference.

Help her develop a logical and reasoning mind and you may be very surprised what she will decide. Cut her off from her grandmother and she will see her grandmother as being right. Teach her to use her own mind and she might decide to no longer go to the meetings when she visits her grandmother on her own. Don’t do the obvious, do what is logical, reasonable, and will give you the best results in the long run by teaching your daughter to think on her own.

Just a little something to think about.
sonnyboy

well whenever my daughter goes to visit usualy about a week at a time my mother takes her to the hall

Well, if your daughter stays with her for that long at a time, and your mother goes to the hall, wouldn't she have to take your daughter with her?
Just don't let her stay there that long, or tell your mother that if she continues to brainwash your child then there will be NO UNSUPERVISED VISITS. Period.
There often comes a time when we have to stand up to our parents and say, "Enough's enough." The same goes for younger people who claim to be apostates yet let their parents drag them to the hall.
jgnat
squirlyboo, there is a tug of war going on for the affections of your child. This is very unhealthy for your daughter and must stop! Your daughter is asking for your help by expressing her confusion. In this instance, however, I don't advise to yank your child away. There is a bond as strong or stronger with grandma than with you. To remove that important anchor in your daughter's life could force her in a decision between the two of you, and she might just chose grandma!
my daughter says she is very confused now and she believes grandma more because she spent so much time with her when she was younger
I would work gradually with your daughter to help her recognize manipulation and how to think for herself. You are the parent, and you have to re-establish control. You must first, however, earn your daughter's trust and respect. In the interests of long term trust I would not ban grandma from taking your daughter to the Kingdom Hall. I would start having studies of your own with your daughter on how to think things through critically. Don't put your daughter in a position of chosing between the two. Don't ask her to be the snitch on what grandma is doing. Over time, I'd change the pattern of visits so that it is not a solid week at a time. That way, the routine of KH visits can be disrupted and your daughter has a chance to catch her bearings again.
As the parent, you have the right and responsibility to set boundaries.
Here's a few things that grandma must do:
No more secrets! This undermines your authority.
She will not tell your daughter that you or your husband are bad.
She will not threaten to break ties.
She will be open about the schedule for the week with your daughter. If it were me, I'd ask for a written program. This will keep your daughter out of the middle of it, she won't have to play snitch on her grandma.
If she breaks any of these rules, YOU enforce an immediate consequence, say, no visits for a month. Something short and painful so that grandma has a chance to re-think her strategy. By the way, if grandma ever tried for legal visitation and the judge knew she was breaking the above rules, she'd be toast. The number one rule for all grandmas: Never undermine the parent's authority!
This looks like a very handy booklet:
http://www.krb.nsw.edu.au/docs/counselling/Parenting%20Tips%20Oct%202003a%20Critical%20thinking.pdf
An excerpt:
Laying the foundations for critical thinking

1. Teach small children to identify key facts. Play observation games. Distinguish main facts from trivia or indiscriminate detail.
2. Give reading a high priority in the home. Let children see you reading much more than they see you watching TV. Talk about what you read. Take children regularly to the library.
3. Insist that children learn to listen and value what others have to say.
4. Teach the difference between fact and opinion, and between fact and fiction. Observe your children's reactions as they watch TV. Talk about televisionprogrammes afterwards.
5. Share a fascination for knowledge with your children. Visit museums, concerts, exhibitions and performances. Explore the geography of your city. Show an active interest in other cultures, nature, and world events.
greendawn

Yes you have a dilemma and I think the lesser evil is to keep her from brainwashing your daughter because you know if the latter does get enslaved by the WTS cult she will never be allowed to have a normal relationship with you. A lot of dubs wrongly worry about losing relatives in a soon to be armageddon.
carla

You cannot allow her to spiritually and emotionally abuse your child. Even if it is an inconvenience for you to find alternative sitting arrangements. Your child must come first. The child is not in a position to protect herself, that is YOUR JOB. Find a counselor who is versed in high control groups to help undo some of the damage your Mother is doing to her grandchild. She should under no circumstances be left alone with your child, ever. Please protect your innocent child. carla
sf

Don't ask her to be the snitch on what grandma is doing.

I agree, to a point. Yet, trust me on this, her mother IS telling her granddaughter things I'm sure she has instructed for her not to tell her mother.
And it is only a matter of time before the the grandmother to let it slip out that all will be killed at the hands of the jehovah god at armageddon, IF they are not one of jehovah's witnesses. That even her pets will be killed.
I wonder if the granddaughter has been subjected to that terroristic book Paradise Lost. I would certainly hope not.
I'm not suggesting outright snitching. I'm suggesting, strongly, that the grandmother is fully aware that the granddaughter will relay to her mother, any such terrorism.
The truth of the matter is: it is the sole purpose of all jws to recruit whomever, whenever they have the opportunity. If they don't they risk death at the hands of the Watchtower god. That is the ONLY message jws truly believe and preach. All the sugar in the world can't coat this fact.
sKally
katiekitten

Welcome to the forum.
I think possibly your mum will not be able to brainwash your daughter in short bursts. I think it takes years of full on meetings / field service / rigid parenting to guarantee full and effective brainwashing.
Perhaps you could take her to some other churches / mosques / temples so that she can see there is a whole range of religious choice. My daughter is taken to meetings by her grandparents, but fortunately she has also been taken to a catholic church. She is only 7 but she has cobbled together her own belief system that is different to mine, but shes in no danger of being temped by being a JW.
Best of luck, what ever you decide to do.
MerryMagdalene

Dave~
I have to say I appreciate your response to this issue very very much. I'm tucking it away for use with my own daughter as she gets older (only 4 now) since she and her JW Grammy just adore each other.
~Merry

PS~ WELCOME to the forum, Squirlyboo ! ! !

~Merry
Rayvin

I have 3 kids-2 girls (6 yr and 4 yr) one boy(9 months) My parents have tried to be ~~manipulating~~ helpful in teaching "the truth" to my kids since i don't really go to the hall anymore.
Before the memorial they had my oldest for the weekend and showed her the book w/ Jesus on the 'stake' and explained it all.. yada yada yada. I was very upset since at the time she was only 4 yrs old and I didn't want her seeing Jesus w/ blood dripping everywhere and being told that Jehovah allowed him to die.. etc. I felt she was too young for that info. That its my job not hers to teach her new things about religion. I also mentioned any questions my children have about.. religion, sex, holidays (since mom likes to tell her how xmas and b-days are BAD) etc. to tell them to ask me. If she doesn't do as I ask her then simply the kids will not be able to visit with her unsupervised. I have no problem explaining to my children if need be as to why we aren't visiting Gma much anymore.
Welcome to the board! I hope you find the comfort and support that you need.
BluesBrother

WELCOME SQUIRLYBOO
I think you are right to be concerned. I know a family where Mum was no longer a witness, but the three kids visited Granny for school holidays . All three are still diehard dubs, 2 elders wives and one ex pioneer who has raised 2 daughters of her own in the faith.
For my money Seven006 had it right on the button. If you oppose, then you are the opposer and "Fighting against God" in their eyes. Use the opportunity to help her to see through it. it will take time and effort but it will be worth it . There is plenty of ammunition on the net.
Your Mum is is misguided but only trying to save her life at Armageddon, that is all .

help my mother is brainwashing my 10 yr old

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