help my mother is brainwashing my 10 yr old

by squirlyboo 32 Replies latest social family

• 

  jgnat

  It is a cardinal rule not to put a child in the middle of warring adults. The following rules for divorcing parents I think would work equally well in this case. We know grandma is sneaking around, breaking the rules and being secretive. We must not make the poor girl the courier of bad news.

  http://www.parentkidsright.com/pt-divorce.html

  protect your children by following the Heins Rules for Divorcing Parents:

  NEVER PUT THE CHILD IN THE MIDDLE! Assure the children they will never have to take sides -- and mean what you say.

  1) The divorce is NOT THE CHILD'S FAULT.

  2) It's OK TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS.

  5) "You will always be taken care of." and "We will both love you for always."
• 

  luna2

  Very smart, Dave!

  jgnat, excellent suggestions too.

  I get angry at myself just thinking about the JW crapola I put my sons through. The idea of having escaped from that life, like squirly has, only to have a relative push it on my kids and try to undermine the mother/child relationship really made me mad. LOL
• 

  Bryan

  
  
  

  Yeah, this is tough. I'm sorry.

  If you really care about your daughter (I don't know how old she is) I would let mother cut ties.

  i dont want to lose her

  Sorry, you're not going to LOSE her. She will be turning her back on you. And that is exactly what she is teaching your daughter!

  It's tough, but I'd save my kid.

  Take care,

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
• 

  jgnat

  Keep in mind Bryan, that we don't want to win the battle and lose the war. The girl has already admitted her loyalty is divided. By forcing her to chose sides (by making ultimatums) the girl may just chose grandma. Not good.
• 

  thom

  My situation is similar as I am a single father of a 12 year old daughter. I (we) stopped attending meetings about 9 months ago and just about 100% of my extended family are JW's. I travel now and then for business and leave my daughter with my grandmother or her aunt/uncle (on mothers side) sometimes when I do. They take her to meetings and she basically does all the JW stuff with them.
  What's worked for me is that I know what they're pumping into her head and I know what JW's teach and believe. I then teach her the REST of the stuff JW's believe, like "What do you think of your friend *******? Do you think she's bad? What would you think if Jehovah planned to kill her? We'll, did you know that witnesses believe that God is going to kill everyone who's not a witness at Armageddon? Do you think that's nice, or fair? Is that how you want to believe and what you want to look forward to?
  I realize that might be harsh talk for some kids, but my daughter can handle that type of discussion well. She seems to really understand the strange and cruel things that JW's teach even though my family never tells her about it. I do. I feel it's HER decision what she does in her life and I just want her to have all the facts. At this point she has no desire to be a JW and feels their teachings are very cruel and strange. But she's respectful to JW family and does what she's told when with them.
  I felt that if I just insisted she not be talked to or anything about it from family, she (my daughter) would see that restriction and later in life might become interested again. As of right now she expresses regularly how happy she is we are not JW's and how she doesn't want to be. Hopefully, that will continue.
  I think the critical part is to maintain a very open relationship with your child so they are always ready to open up and discuss whatever is on their mind. I never quickly react when she says stuff, even if it shocks me. Early on she told me she wanted to still go to meetings with family. I told her that's fine and that's her decision, but we talked more and discussed it and a couple of weeks later she had changed her mind. I want her to know that she can ALWAYS talk to me about ANYTHING. Without that, I think it would be very difficult to protect her from their (JW's) influence.
  Just wanted to express how I handle such a situation in the case it's helpful.
• 

  Happy Guy :)

  Having been through this with my children, I agree with the approach of educating your daughter about the cult-like nature of the JWs.

  A 10 year old child is old enough to understand the concept of what sounds right and common sense and what does not. They understand what kindness is and what is mean-spirited. There are many things about the JWs that would sound mean spirited to a child like: shunning, depriving the necessities of life through transfusions, teaching that 99 percent of the people in the world are hated by their Jehovah God and will be destroyed mercilessly.....you would be surprised just how your child sees right through the garbage which the Watchtower teaches. It's interesting because a child could readily read and accept information here or at silentlambs.org or at the quotes site (hate literature written by the Watchtower about Jews etc) and not want to be connected with the Watchtower or JW beliefs yet it is the adults who are likely to put blinders on. This is because the adult has either invested years or has an agenda (i.e uses the beliefs to justify certain behaviors) but children do not have this baggage. Save her now before she spends time acquiring the baggage/excuses.

  You may be afraid of any exposure but look at it this way. Move forward 5 years when your daughter starts to rebel against Mom. The Grandmother will be waitng in the wings to capitalize on this and say your Mom is mean as she kicked me out of your life when you were ten. She will shower her with gifts at a vulnerable time. On the other hand if you educate your daughter now with information here, at silentlambs and at quotes she will reject her Grandmothers beliefs on her own. The Grandmother will likely disengage your daughter on her own and will not be able to blame you for it.

  Also be aware that by blaming your husband, the Grandmother is subtly trying to alienate your husband and her father i.e cast him in a bad light. Why would she want to put down your husband and her Dad like that?
• 

  carla

  Would you all be saying some of the same things if this was a Satanist 'church'? If they were bringing her to a satanic meetings & activities? This is child! How to screw with kids mind- allow them anywhere near the jw's. insane. carla
• 

  sf

  thom,

  Harsh, yes. Yet it must be said. And they can handle the truth better than most adults.

  Good for you.

  sKally
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  Find a civil way to stop this NOW. It can create great division and distance in your home.

  DY
• 

  Momofmany

  I so understand what you are going thru. My Mom and I live in the same house. Finally I had a sit down talk with my Mother, and also informed my children with what I found out. This armed them with information. When Granny would bring other kids over while I was out, and my gang started asking "the wrong questions". The little ones, 7 & 5, just say, mom says we don't have to go, Mom says you aren't allowed to talk about that to us. and she stops.

  One line I like to use on my Mother when she starts is, Jesus said I would be persecuted in my own home, but I never thought my own mother.