HUMOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Legolas 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Frog
    Frog

    I thought this was super cute

  • luna2
    luna2

    I didn't see Elf, but I'm pretty sure Will Farrell couldn't shoot arrows at Super Orcs while sliding down stone stairs on a shield. LOL Legolas might have looked like a girly man (elf...whatever), but he kicked ass.

    I also wasn't too impressed by Orlando's character, Paris, in Troy...too pretty, too selfish, too immature, too cowardly...and, really, he was competing against a very buff, manly and naked Brad Pitt and an equally buff and manly (though not, alas, as naked) Eric Bana for my attention. Sorry, Orli, you lost that contest.

  • Frog
    Frog

    Wow Luna, I'm fully impressed that you're so familiar with our lovely Mr Erica Banna! I thought to you guys he must have seemed an odd nobody choice for the role, but over here he is well respected. Hollywoods version of Troy didn't do much for me, but I've seen much worse too!

    Frog x

  • Thirdson
    Thirdson
    I love ya's thanks..........I think I might have to change my name...a lot of people think I am a guy!

    You could change your name to Legolassie, but then again, that just might mean you're a girl who likes Lego!

    3rd

  • luna2
    luna2

    I didn't know him before Troy, Frog, but I came right home from the theater and did a little research. LOL He is lovely! Which reminds me, I've been meaning to rent The Hulk.

    Another fav Aussie of mine is Hugh Jackman...my oh my, oh my! And to think I had tickets to Boy From OZ but couldn't attend due to problems at work. I'm still sick about that.

    Oh, and isn't Keith Urban also from Australia? You do grow some lovely men down under.

  • Frog
    Frog

    yes Luna we do:)...they're a rare species, but they do pop up from time to time!

    Hugh Jackman is great, I love his acting. The sort of guy that could fully convince me to watch a film well and truly out of my genre if I knew he was gonna be in it, yum bum;) Frog

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie



    >Chili Contest Story

    >

    >The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was

    >visiting Texas from the East Coast.

    >

    >Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili

    >cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I

    >happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions

    to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other

    two

    >judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,

    >besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I

    >accepted". Here are the scorecards from the event:

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

    >

    >Judge # 2--Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    >

    >Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could

    >remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames

    >out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

    >

    >Judge # 2--Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    >>Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm

    >supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to

    >give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw

    >the look on my face.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

    >

    >Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

    >

    >Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like

    >I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more

    >beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is

    in

    >the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of

    >

    >the beer.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    >

    >Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

    >other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    >

    >Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to

    >taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was>standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to

    >look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an

    >aphrodisiac!

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

    >considerable kick. Very impressive.

    >

    >Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit

    >the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    >

    >Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I

    >can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed

    >paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili

    >had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring

    >beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.

    >It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

    >

    >Screw those rednecks.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of

    spices>and peppers.

    >Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.

    >Superb.

    >

    >Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

    >sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat

    >through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that

    >slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips

    anymore.

    >I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    >

    >Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of

    >chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried

    >about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing

    >uncontrollably.

    >

    >Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I

    >wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds

    >like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which

    slid

    >unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my

    >shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've

    >decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any>oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole

    >in my stomach.

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

    >

    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >

    >Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold

    >but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    >

    >Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor

    >hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when ...

    >Judge # 3 ... passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on

    >top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how

    >he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    I think ExJdubs should adopt New Hampshire's Three Kick Rule (below) and apply it to uninvited witlesses at their doors.. Frannie B Three Kick Rule

    A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural New Hampshire.

    He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other

    side of a fence.





    his tractor and asked him what he was doing.





    now I'm going in to retrieve it.





    over here."





    the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take

    everything you own."





    do things in New Hampshire. We settle small disagreements like this with the

    New Hampshire Three Kick Rule."

















    that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local

    custom.





    the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into

    the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly

    ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when

    the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.





    feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."





    "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    A great lady, Jan Groenveld...she contributed so much to all she came in contact with online and off, I'm sure.....Today I was reminded of her surprisingly delightful sense of humor.....she belonged to a LOT of online support xdub groups.....someone in the group I belonged to in 2001 posted a funny about bra types, which, of course, prompted MOI to write my own query about bazonker types.....yall might enjoy this...FB

    The joke that was posted:

    A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

    "What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

    "Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"

    "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour, and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," replied the sales clerk.

    Confused, the man asked what were the types.

    The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

    Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

    The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

    SO NATURALLY I HAD TO ASK....

    What type bra makes yer bazonkers look like two growths of silly putty stickin' outta yer bra?



    Sounds like they are a bit undisciplined and rolling all over the palce so they must be charismatic <LOL>



  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie
    The all nude police officer calendar for 2005 comes in an all-male and an all- female version. All pics show full frontal nudity, for both female and male versions. Just click on the menu to select which one you want to view. They are available for sale on the site -- the calendars, not the officers. Click on the site below to view all 12 (24) totally nude peace officers. http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf

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