What should I do about my brother??? I'm going insane.

by sonnyboy 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  95stormfront

  Neither reasoning nor threatening has worked with him, so my only option seems to be throwing him out into the street. Would this be the right thing to do? Neither reasoning nor threatening has worked with him, so my only option seems to be throwing him out into the street. Would this be the right thing to do?

  You've answered your own question.

  by your own admission he's pulling far less than his own weight in the house half-assing everything expected of him and pouring on the guilt and arrogance when he's confronted by it. While kicking him to the curb out of the blue would be cold-hearted on your part, I would give him a date and tell him in no uncertain terms that him being in the house past that date will definitely get him kicked to the curb without a second thought.

  Really, it's not as hard as you think. I've leveled this ultimatum to at least three relatives who've come to live with me over time not necessarily because they were not pulling their weight, but because it simply was time for them to go and I wanted my "whole" house back.

  Other than a few lumps in my mattress, I sleep pretty good at night.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I am no analyst, but is he an alcoholic? Classic symptoms abound here. Can't hold a job. Loss of interest in his surroundings. Lack of respect for others in his life.

  I think a serious heart-to-heart is in order here. Tell him he has 90 days to correct his behaviour, it is your house and if he doesn't you will be forced to move him out at the end of that time. Be specific. Be kind. Be serious about it.

  Circle the date on the calander - and keep your end of the bargain. If he shapes up, ok. If he identifies substance issues as the problem and begins to deal with it, ok. If he changes nothing, ship him out. On schedule. Take him to whomever's house he wants to go, tell him you love him dearly, time to grow up and take responsibility. When he does - the door is open again - but he will have to show you before he moves in that he can keep a job and show respect.

  You are currently an 'enabler'. Tough love may be the answer.

  Jeff
• 

  Mary

  Sonnyboy, I've sent you a private message.
• 

  anewme

  The kind thing to do would be to look at your brother's problem in a medical light.
  Alcoholism and depression are rampant among JW families.
  First, cut the alcohol coming into the house. You may have to stop for awhile yourself.
  This alone may help to improve his attitude and energy level.
  If after a month the situation does not improve, take him to a doctor for counseling and evaluation for depression and maybe the doctor will prescribe some mood medication for him.
  You should discuss these alternatives with your parents. They may be willing to help you in this regard.
• 

  not the administrator

  lol sounds like your married but since hes your brother the not giving him any advise wont work. just because hes your brother doesn't mean you have to be nice to him thats one thing i learned when i got df'd, family dont mean crap.

  you should of beat him up more when you were little
• 

  not the administrator

  lol sounds like your married but since hes your brother the not giving him any advise wont work. just because hes your brother doesn't mean you have to be nice to him thats one thing i learned when i got df'd, family dont mean crap.

  you should of beat him up more when you were little
• 

  greendawn

  As I see it your brother is taking advantage of you he is irresponsible and not likely to change, you don't have to work to cover his expenses so after giving him plenty of time to reconsider things without any success it's time to politely show him the door. Perhaps that will bring him to his senses.
• 

  sonnyboy

  Thanks for the advice. Mary, I'll send you a PM later. I have a friend coming over in a few minutes.
  

  My situation is much like Ellie's, but may be a bit more complicated. I believe that he is an alcoholic.

  I'm not a constant drinker, but I like a beer now and then. A few times I hid a bottle or two in the garage refrigerator, only to come home and find them gone. Why would he even consider looking in that fridge? It's mainly used for storing meat (in the freezer section of course) and is rarely used for anything else. I don't bring alcohol into the main house; he supplies his own. Yes, I've laid into him several times and even told him to get out, but things aren't changing. If worse comes to worse I may need the cops to drag him out.

  He's also been on medication for depression. While he was on the meds, his behavior got twice as bad. He would just lay on the couch in a stupor, doing absolutely nothing besides picking up a beer can and going back to sleep. He acts like he's too "retarded", as he calls it, to function normally, yet he can figure out the most complicated video game you've ever seen in a matter of minutes. Hell, I'm a college graduate and I can't barely figure some of these games out. My parents are well aware of the problem and have 'tried', if you can call it that, talking to him, but he just blows up and changes the subject.

  So, before I get rid of him, I think I'll make a check-list and base his rent on his actions. We live on the outskirts of a small rural town and he's gone through EVERY available job that pays decent wages, so he's been pretty responsible with his current job. He knows that this job is it (his car is too ragged to make it outside of town), and no one will purchase his alcohol for him.

  Anyway, on the list I plan on including every chore that needs to be done and have both our names in two columns. Every time one of us does a chore we'll put a check beside it. If he does at least 50% of the work, his rent will remain the same (which is a mere $300 that he should now be able to pay). If his side of the list is significantly less than 50%, then he'll have to pay $400 and half the utilities (which he should probably be paying anyway).

  I don't know if this will work or not, but it's worth a shot. Maybe this will motivate me as well.
• 

  luna2

  Hope you are able to work things out to your satisfaction...and that your brother gets some help to get himself together.
• 

  Legolas

  I would simply say you pay your rent and do you share of the wouk or OUT you go.......and I wouldn't feel one bit guilty about it. Your brother sounds like he is taking advantage of you.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I hate people like that!! Anyway I hope it works out for you.