Hi there. Wooow, you look just like the mean sob I assumed you`d be. Oh no, I was mistaken, you`re Satan, aren`t you?
And then the real God would show up and bring me to heaven, and he`d say: Hi there, welcome. Your room is thru that hall, on the left at the end of the corridor. There`s a minibar, cookies, an eternal pot of hot, colombian coffee, and free cable (yes, porn too). Enjoy!