We are supposed to put Kingdom Interest first in our live, Jesus said so.
And -- like every truly awakened teacher -- he is believed to have said that "the kingdom of God is within you."
What you seem to be placing first defd, is some religious idea of some object or thing separate and apart from you; something you need acquire, earn or gain. Perhaps our true Source is not so limited or cruel has to have removed or placed far away what you seek. Perhaps it is not God withholding or at fault, but rather a problem of our vision.
Instead of focusing attention outward into some other imagined place and time, be still and realize what is real and purely pristine; that which gives life to all life and existence to all space, time and phenomena. See, is this separate from what you really and truly are?
Perhaps it is cherished beliefs and hopes which blind us to the presence of wholeness and peace at the center of that which is reading this now.
j