Why write a letter of disassociation? (page 3)

Joel Wideman

If I knew 15 years ago what I know now, I would have written a DA letter in a heartbeat. Now it's become academic.

I have mixed feelings about this. I can understand the the cathartic release it must provide and certainly keeps them away (although I am certain there are some zealot elders that would still harass you regardless of any dissociation letter).

But having said that, there are some negatives: It must provide the elders with a tremendous "power surge" realizing the extent of the power they had over you that you had to provide a formal "discharge" document to them. In other ways, it validates the entire, sick power structure of the borg. Most people leaving can only do so after finally accepting the reality that the "power" they had over you was a complete illusion, but the letter must still provide the elders with a smug sense of satisfaction. Finally, I would imagine a particularly vitriolic letter could complicate things further with any relatives remaining in the borg if some of the contents of the letter leaked out (and believe me, this happens!)

I would say, if at all possible....walk away in silence with a big smile and dont look back. Revenge is a dish best served cold......

Soledad

I wrote my letter because I got tired of the guilt trips. People I hadn't spoken to in years all of a sudden were calling me, dropping by my home unannounced and sending cutesy notes and greeting cards with my mother. I got tired of that. I didn't want to pretend, my mind was more than made up. I put all my cards on the table, so to speak, by sending that letter. I made it clear that I no longer believed what the WTS taught and that I no longer wanted to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. That was that.

Finally-Free

It must provide the elders with a tremendous "power surge" realizing the extent of the power they had over you that you had to provide a formal "discharge" document to them.

Not necessarily. The illusion of power was theirs, not mine. The last time they phoned me I told them that I wanted nothing more to do with them, and that I would not keep company with people who protected child molesters. The letter I sent them was for legal reasons. It was specific in telling them to cease their harassment or there would be legal consequenses. If I were to, at some future time, choose to pursue a legal course of action against them for harassing me it is beneficial to my case to have documented evidence that they were directed to cease and desist and to stay off of my property.

W

lola28

I think a DA letter allows people to say things that they have not been able to say before. it gives you a chance to "speak your peace" and finally let your feelings be known and your voice heard after years of always being told what to feel, and think.

Also it allows the writer the chance to say "it is over". When you fade you are still in and the brothers may call you and pester you and you also feel like a fraud ( at least I do) knowing that you haven't made a stand and that you are just floating on. When you DA you know what you stand for and you know the momment you write your letter that there is no going back and you have finally said where you stand and what you are all about.

lola

DanTheMan

nice post lola28, I agree 100%.

Darth Yhwh

If a letter of disassociation were made public, read in front of the congregation, or posted on the back board then I’d be all for it. What do you think that the elders do with your letter? You can bet money that they’re certainly not going to make your letter a study article for the Tuesday night book study. I can understand all of the positives that writing a letter will do for one personally. Bottom line is that only two or three people will ever read it. They’ll then throw it in the trash, lock it in some file cabinet, or burn it and they’ll filter any information that you’ve put into it through WTBS colored glasses.

kid-A

I think it ultimately depends on who you are writing the letter for. If the goal is to explain your actions and/or reasons for leaving to the elders, I would fully agree with darth, the letter will be read by 2-3 elders then thrown in the trash. All it will accomplish from that side is to reinforce what an evil apostate you are to the body of elders, give them a power trip, and possibly cause problems for any remaining dub relatives or friends you have in the hall (yes I have seen this happen many times...guilt by association).

But if you are writing the letter as a form of catharsis and release, then I can certainly see the benefit of it. Seems to totally depend on the unique circumstances.

Cygnus

Well, I didn't write a DA letter. I was asked several times by the elders if that's what I wanted to do, so I realized that by doing so I would just be expediting the process and I wanted to drag it out and waste as much of their time as possible while mocking them (and by extension the organization's policies) as much as I could.

I think Finally Free made a great point in his first post. The JWs expect you to write a letter of disassociation to your former church when you quit it and join theirs. I was born into the religion, so I never had such a need to write such a letter. So why should I feel obligated to write such a letter to the JWs? I mocked their protocol to the point of bringing a DF'd friend with me as my "witness" at my judicial hearing when I got DF'd.

I think it's up to each and every person to decide based on their circumstances and feelings whether to write a DA letter or not.

twinkletoes

We wrote a letter, because we wanted them to know that we could not in any way agree with their hypocrisy (UN thing etc) and their handling of paedophile cases, along with many other issues. We had already sent out letters to friends in the cong. to let them know our feelings on these matters. We didn't view our letter as curtailing to Elders, just the opposit in fact. We had taken back control of our lives and wanted them to know exactly what we thought of ones who could go along with such lies & hypocrisy. (Two of these elders had come to our home - weeks before we sent our letter - and had viewed the original letter from the UN confirming the affiliation of the WT) They had no excuse, but they still chose to go along with the WT action.

We're glad that we sent our letter. No-one phones us or calls on us anymore. Of course, it's much more difficult for ones who still have family in the Org. Fortunately, only my own brother and his wife and family are still in, but he still speaks to me, and I hope that one day he will make a stand against the cult.

Twink

Why write a letter of disassociation?

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