The Listener Needs Advice - QUICK

by TheListener 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  TheListener

  I need this advice before my spouse gets back from the meeting (1 hour tonight).

  OK,

  Here's the lowdown:

  If you've been following my story through various posts for about the last year you know that I've recently stepped aside as an elder and have been quietly fading.

  I go to meetings sporadically. I do not comment. I go in service but it's getting pretty rare these days.

  My spouse knows I have some issues but not exactly what they are. She is a total witness and doesn't plan on changing. Although she is open to discussion and hearing my point of view on some matters.

  I don't think she'll leave me but you never know. So I have been playing it very quiet.

  Tonight she was pretty pissed that I wasn't going to the meeting. She wanted to know if I didn't feel like it or was sick. I said a little of both. That set her off. She is pissed that I'm not keeping her in the loop with my feelings. She said that I just don't seem to know how hard this is for her. She then went off on the fact that I haven't been making many meetings lately and she doesn't get it.

  I think when she gets home and we're alone she is gonna want to have a talk. I shouldn't be afraid but I am. I should be man enough to tell her exactly how I feel, but I'm not.

  If she asks me what's wrong and why I'm doing this I would like to tell her what my opinions really are, but if I do I think she'll run to the elder body or worse, family.

  I would like to tell her that I'm confused and need to think awhile but she'll definitely not buy that.

  I need to pull my head out of my $^$SS and be honest with her and let the chips fall where they may. I've seen so many of you go through this and you've all made it. I need some reassuranace that I can make it too. Even if it means alone.

  I guess I need two things. Assurance that I'll get through this and how much information should I share about what I've found. You know the basic stuff like 607, 1880s, blood changes, 1914, etc.

  By the way, her usual response to most of this (with what little we've discussed) is that the Israelites didn't always understand why God told them certain things. And the apostles made mistakes but they were still directed by God.

  I suck at debating, especially when my stomach is in knots and my head is spinning.

  Oh God I'm going to freak out.
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  Darth Yhwh

  I need to pull my head out of my $^$SS and be honest with her and let the chips fall where they may.

  Be honest is the key to this sentence. She's your wife, right? How long have you two been together? Let her know what's in your heart and if the two of you still love one another it will work out.

  Is it possible that your wife has doubts too?
• 

  OldSoul

  I recommend not debating. Tell her you are having trouble proving certain doctrines and that in attempting to prove them you have lost confidence in the Organization. Invite her help.

  Then, let her prove Daniel 4 has any connection whatsoever to 1914 to you. Reassure her that you don't want to argue, etc. But as she goes, ask her things like, "Now, if I don't agree with some conclusion you draw, you aren't going to think that means I'm fighting, right?"

  You have PM.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
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  OldSoul

  Darth Yhwh,

  In my opinion, EVERY Witness has doubts, from the very top all the way down. The ones who bluster do it to keep from thinking.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
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  kls

  Those days of telling my husband are still so fresh in my mind but i knew it was time because i could not take the crap the wt was spewing nor the damn meetings anymore. It is really up to you and how you feel ,if you want out then let her know how you feel and yes you will have elders on your butt and life with your wife maybe strained,some make it through and some don't and it is hard to tell.

  I know the sick gutt feeling and remember the way my husband looked at me like i was satan sitting beside him and the hate he had for me for along time but i wanted out of the cult no matter what happened.

  You know life will be hard for a time but if you know in your heart and mind that you want to be free of this mindcontrol ,then do it for you.
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  thinker

  Hi Listener,

  If I were you, I'd tell her how meeting attendance makes you feel ie. never good enough for the Watchdogs. Tell her you don't what to subject yourself to all that. Hint that you have some doubts about the whole Org. set up.

  From there I'd let her steer the conversation. If she askes what doubts, then pick ONE topic and start with that. Don't overwhelm her with everything at once.

  Don't worry, it will all work out!

  thinker
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  Narkissos

  The Listener,

  I would agree with other posters here: don't debate, unless she brings up specific issues.

  This may be a silly idea, but: why not concentrate on something positive? E.g., if you have enjoyed real Bible reading lately, you might offer her to read the Gospels (for instance) with you rather than discuss WT stuff. When this is done (even in the NWT) it may be the most mindblowing thing for JWs. And it is not "forbidden" thus far.
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  Soledad

  By the way, her usual response to most of this (with what little we've discussed) is that the Israelites didn't always understand why God told them certain things. And the apostles made mistakes but they were still directed by God.

  The Israelites had absolute proof of God's direction. There were the 10 plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, the mana in the desert, the rumbling from mt sinai, Urim and Thummim, and many other events that I can't think of right now.

  All the WTS has to go on is the supposed appointment of the slave class in 1918, and their reasoning for this cannot be supported at all by scripture.
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  OldSoul

  Listener,

  I have a flat rate plan, I can call right back. You are going to work yourself into a tizzy while she's at the meeting. My wife is at her meeting, too.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
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  TheListener

  Thank you all so far.

  So far in the past couple months I've begun praying with the young'uns more and made my bible reading more visible. These were due to previous complaints about these things.

  I definitely don't want to debate. I want to be forthcoming and honest without tipping all my thoughts. I'm just not ready for that rejection yet. I believe the only reason she listens to me is to find the flaws in my arguments. Which there are plenty. I am not allowed to have hundreds of magazine articles and books detailing every little thing I believe anymore. My brain simply cannot compete with the cd rom the society has. If I don't have the exact answer exactly when needed I believe she will discount my opinions and just view me as a troublemaker and loser.

  Yes, I like the idea OldSoul came up with. Not debate...Just be honest and say that I've researched things and the answers I've found aren't satisfying. - - I only hope this doesn't tempt her to ask the elders to come help me with my issues. That I will definitely refuse. I was an elder for a long long time, I know no good can come from them coming over.