You have discovered what most of us here have discovered ie JWs are a cold, heartless religion and their disfellowshipping process is nonsensical. Sometimes I think it's only their nastiness that keeps them going as a group.
And yes in their eyes you will always be "marked" in some way no matter how hard you try so don't bother trying you will only hurt yourself more by trying to jump through their imaginary hoops because there will always be more hoops with these people.
Try to to do some research on your own and take care of yourself.
You don't need their permission to live nor their approval to be happy.